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Desc:This is how it is done
Category:General Station
Tags:wine, why the terrorists hate us
Submitted:Enjoy
Date:12/22/18
Views:643
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Comment count is 21
Old_Zircon - 2018-12-22
Bullshit, I lived in Boston long enough to know that the correct way to decant red wine is

1) Drink it straight from the bottle.
2) Throw it back up on the floor of the T a couple hours later, preferably in front of a subway cop.
Maggot Brain - 2018-12-23
Boston Strong!

SolRo - 2018-12-22
Forgot the most important step!

Have to throughly rinse the decanter with cyanide before use.
homogenousemptytime - 2018-12-23
Here are your stars.

Maggot Brain - 2018-12-23
Ah, m'yes, the 1992 Franzia, Excellent choice, Mr. Wanker.
cognitivedissonance - 2018-12-23
I actually met a Master Sommelier this last week. He was very clearly not actually doing anything. The restaurant was a damn embarrassment.
decoy - 2018-12-23
I was forced by my employer to endure a series of classes by Master Sommelier and Bullshitter Extraordinaire Peter Neptune. For his brief and unmemorable services he was compensated with year-long access to a comped $500 suite at Shutters on the Beach in Santa Monica. What stood out about him was his large diamond cuff links and bright Chiclet veneers. He did a trick where we selected one of many unlabeled bottles and he identified it by sniff, but I later learned is was more or less a set-up. What I eventually came to realize is that if you ever spend more than $120 for a 750ml bottle of wine you're just spoiled or a sucker or both.
HarrietTubmanPI - 2018-12-23
Agreed. I looked up this bottle and it's about $90 a bottle. That's roughly $15 a glass.

The most I've ever paid was $29 for a single glass at a three star restaurant because I was on vacation and felt like pissing money away. That's $174 a bottle. It was damned good wine, but I can definitely tell you that I wouldn't have been able to tell you anything beyond the fact that it was tasty and likely could never distinguish a 100 dollar bottle from a 200 dollar one or higher.

That being said, I was at a three star restaurant with a master sommelier (who had a giant medallion around her neck) and I never got this pretentious theater. I was served my glass. I enjoyed it. That was it.

Someone else close by had ordered a bottle of something and there wasn't pretentious theater behind it either.

jfcaron_ca - 2018-12-23
A lot of rich people stuff is completely made-up bullshit. Especially high-end wine. There's a significant difference between a 5$ bottle and a 15$ bottle but pretty close beyond that even professional wine tasters can't tell them apart in double-blind trials.

Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2018-12-23
@jfcaron yes.

Also global wealth inequality is currently higher than its ever been in recorded history. I reckon as a result there are a lot of industries whose sole purpose is to sell them massively overpriced shit.

cognitivedissonance - 2018-12-24
I’m not going to yuck anybody’s yum, and oenophilia is an innocent hobby. Presumably you’d want to learn it to AVOID overspending on wine.

SolRo - 2018-12-24
@1%felineesquire

Unfortunately wealth inequality is so severe that Jeff bezos would have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars per overpriced wine meal to effectively widdle down his total wealth

At this point the only rational solution are guillotines

Old_Zircon - 2018-12-25
I'll yuck on any yum I can.

Mister Yuck - 2018-12-25
I believe I was summoned?

Robin Kestrel - 2018-12-23
I always wipe twice, too.

Also, that candle doesn’t look properly lit to me. I bet he used a cheap disposable lighter.
Albuquerque Halsey - 2018-12-23
this is the alcoholic equivalent of having scan lines on your emulator.
Killer Joe - 2018-12-23
Be sure to mutter "fuckkin foil..." under your breath when dealing with damaged foil as you prepare the bottle. When the guest asks you to repeat yourself, with a strong, clear voice reply "I said FUCKKIN FOIL!"
Then throw any tools in your hand on the cart and stomp off. Don't worry if they fall off the cart, or you miss completely. Just as you return to the wine cellar, yell "FUKKIN FOIL!" one last time, before the door closes behind you.
M-DEEM - 2018-12-24
^ :D

Chicken the Did - 2018-12-24
Be sure to read the comments for a bunch of Patrick Bateman types pretending like they order 2000.00 USD bottles of wine all the time. And 'you probably never ate anywhere fancier than a TGI Fridays so of course you don't get it'. I just assume all of those comments are sock puppets owned some fat guy in a shithole apartment in Pittsburgh.

"I sure trolled those losers!"
M-DEEM - 2018-12-24
"To really set your establishment apart and provide an appropriate tone for the evening, remove the bladder from the box and rip the corner of it off with your teeth. Orally present the bladder corner and bag-dregs to the host along with your assessment of his mother's sexual prowess. Now, don't forget to hold the box high so your guests can observe the wine's vintage and easily view the scrotum and testicles that you've discretely produced through your zipper hole. Don't forget to congratulate your guests on their impeccable tastes and abortively attempt to hurl a chair at them."

M-DEEM, winedouche of note, CMS
Old_Zircon - 2018-12-25
Years ago a friend of mine drank half a gallon of Carlo Rossi then slowly covered himself in whipped cream and went out wandering the streets at 3am.
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