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Desc:Short demonstration of basic Scientology techniques.
Category:Religious, Humor
Tags:Scientology, yelling, hypnosis, brainwashing
Submitted:manfred
Date:07/07/07
Views:3016
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Comment count is 11
NoCode
Wait, so...what does the screaming at the ashtray do, again?
Enjoy
Helps you quit smoking?

fluffy
Takes away the foul agents of Xenu that are making you think you have lung cancer?

Ersatz
It's a training step for the eventual, ultimate goal of yelling at a 50-gallon wheeled trrashcan. Scientology is just a front for the garbage collectors' union.

Xenocide
Not many people know this, but when you smoke, you're actually exhaling a tiny piece of your soul. That's the real reason it's fatal: the smaller your soul becomes, the less your body can sustain itself. Parts of this soul-energy are absorbed into the cigerette ashes, which are then collected in the tray, which then assimilates the energy from the ashes themselves. By yelling at the ashtray, scientologists can coax the collected soul-energy to reveal itself. Then they harnass that energy to power their massive unearthly mind-control device, in hopes of one day collecting enough energy to make Tom Cruise like girls.

teethsalad
gee, i'm beginning to think this scientology business is for the birds
boner
If you yell at a smokeless ashtray, your soul gets trapped inside it until the next garbage day.
Cube
I don't think the ashtray's going to learn to do anything by itself, if you keep picking it up.
Jack Cooper
Muad’Dib would make a powerful Scientologist then.
joyofdiscord
This is pretty interesting, I'd like to see more like this. Alternate title, "How to Start a Cult"
Repomancer
Where are Nick C. and Starless when you need 'em?
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