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Desc:You will be amazed that this man possesses the necessary degree of brain function to BREATHE.
Category:Crime, Educational
Tags:deposition, 63.75, wotta maroon
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Comment count is 47
garcet71283 - 2007-08-18

Can I have his job?
baleen - 2007-08-18

I failed math throughout middle school and high school, pissing off my counselor so much that she arranged to pass me on math if I concentrated on all the arty stuff I liked, which I did, and I got A's.

Straight F's for 5 years in math, and I fuggered it out. I did it with my stupid brain.

baleen - 2007-08-18

I meant converting inches to feet... not 3 divided by 16. I didn't get that far. Jesus christ.

yeahjim - 2007-08-18
Square ruht!
This is what POETV is all about.
IrishWhiskey - 2007-08-18
I recall an Issac Asimov story about a world in which people had forgotten basic math, and it was all done on computers. A man came along with the ability to do simple multiplication, and they marveled at his ability to magically pull numbers from the air. That his "guesses" were confirmed by the charts.

This man is a living embodiment of Asimov's worst fear. Once again, reality is stranger than science fiction.

Herr Matthias - 2007-08-18
It's mildly ironic that he has the same name as a very famous theoretical physicist.
joyofdiscord - 2007-08-18
My god. "For accuracy's sake"!! "Pulling numbers out of the air"! It's basic math!

Also looved the way he tried to cloak himself in some sort of self-righteous refusal to perform unsafe arithmetic. As if it wouldn't even matter if the math was for legal testimony or not, he can't in good conscience do math without the proper equipment. What if he accidentally multiplied the square root by pie and started a fire?
Mayberry Pancakes - 2007-08-18
Unprotected algebra can kill!

I think the increasingly long silences are funnier than anything he actually says.

Xenocide - 2007-08-18
Oh, snap. Props to the questioner for refusing to let up on this idiot.

Kinetic energy!
Hooker - 2007-08-26
Any lawyer worth any money would be that thorough. You might just be used to political debates where the point is to be a giant douchebag to impress the general public, such as this guy.

Aelric - 2007-08-18
opened a whole new world of youtube video's for me. this is what court tv should really be about.
Meatsack Jones - 2007-08-18
I want my formula sheets...to drink my milk!
Ersatz - 2007-08-18
This man is supposed to be an expert in accident reconstruction, but he has NO IDEA of what exactly he is doing. He is worse than a trained monkey. This is the equivalent of taking the deposition of a spreadsheet.

I have, in fact, made spreadsheets smarter than this guy, and not even for work. I have a quarterback rating spreadsheet that will extrapolate performance to see if a perfect rating is possible or even plausible.

Those who can, do. Those who can't even understand what the hell it is they should be doing, give expert testimony.
fourthguy - 2007-08-18
Is "accident-reconstructionist" even a real job?
fluffy - 2007-08-18
It is. It is also really fucking disturbing to think that in order to be trained in this very vital function you don't even need to know enough math to figure out that a 3 3/16" measurement on a 20':1" scale is 63'9" without referring to formula sheets.


Idiots like this are why it's too bad we never switched to metric (which makes this stuff even easier), but idiots like this are the people who prevented a metric switch because it's different than what they're used to and their "formula sheets" are suddenly outdated.

anvill - 2007-08-18
Watch the whole thing, then re-watch the first few seconds. The expert witness's little self-satisfied head wobble astounds me.
Monchiles Monchiles - 2007-10-31
You just made this video ten times better for me.

x - 2007-08-18
This guy couldn't dig a ditch without his formula sheets.
ShmuzzlePuzzle - 2007-08-18
This guy is the biggest retard I have ever seen. He's such a dumb fuck. Just imagine what it was like sitting next to him in math class. His teachers must have killed themselves.

His formula sheets are pages ripped out of a grade 2 math text book.
boba. - 2007-08-18
i watched this twice, the thing that makes this awesome is that he TRIES to do it on the calculator and fails (knowing the inputs and correct answer) before going into "I need my formulas and computer" thing
joyofdiscord - 2007-08-18
What really gets me is that for all his talk of ABSOLUTE ACCURACY and EXACTNESS and how he MUST NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE, he came in with an incorrect figure to start with. 68 =/= 63.75

Namor - 2007-08-26
That's exactly why the lawyer was grilling him in the first place. I thought that much was obvious. I think the asshole realized he had made a simple error as soon as he was handed the calculator and the rest was just him trying to not admit to having made a mathematical error in front of the judge and his client.

kingarthur - 2007-08-18
No, but I can tell you that I plead the fizzifth.

You're not on trial, sir.

Then I need my formula sheets.
Maxville - 2007-08-18
I almost had myself convinced that maybe he wasn't willing to do it in order to avoid liability.

And then his brain fell out.
athodyd - 2007-08-19
Can anyone sound more scornful and astonished than a lawyer with a mild country accent?
RockBolt - 2007-08-19
My engineering brain is leaking from my ears
Xiphias - 2007-08-20
missouri reprazent!
Frank Rizzo - 2007-08-20

dancingshadow - 2007-08-20
Unable to post comment: Missing formula sheets.
Camonk - 2007-08-20
Rarely have I wanted to punch a self-satisfied douchebag in his stupid sac so much.
Camonk - 2007-08-20
PS: I love Deposition Week!

hornung - 2007-08-24
yesterday somebody at work asked me what 8 divided by 9 was.
i told them 8/9ths. they told me i was jerk, so i said, it's point 8 repeating.
he then used a calculator and said "hey that's cool, how'd you know that?"
spacker dave - 2007-08-24
This makes my blood boil.
Kumquatxop - 2007-08-25
this is even more amazing than the verizon thing
Namor - 2007-08-26
"Wouldn't the formula be 3 3/16" x 20 = X?"

I almost died. Soooooo humiliting.
snothouse - 2007-09-04
The Ricky Gervias of depostions.
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2007-09-08
I can see this math teachers showing this in class as a joke. Or a warning. Either way, they should distribute this in schools.
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2007-09-08
this being a totally necessary word me english wonderfull wheee
magical man - 2007-09-12
Repomancer - 2007-09-22
He makes more money than any of us.
spork865 - 2007-10-01
Lauritz Melchior - 2008-02-10
This is gold.
The Lord of Dirt - 2008-04-02
The best part is, the only real error he made was that for an "approximately 68 ft distance", the line should have been 3 3/8 inches instead of 3 3/16. The rest of the calculation he got from his "formula sheets" were probably correct. If he knew math, he could have recognized and corrected the mistake without damaging the rest of his testimony.
kwash - 2009-10-04
Look at his face towards the end.

This has been the worst 9 minutes of his life.
Naugaskins - 2011-03-03
This man shows the failure of Western mathmatical education.

Student: "Can we use our notes on the final?"

Teacher: "Fine, just this once."
Anaxagoras - 2012-08-18
No, it doesn't. Any test worth its salt would let you use your notes, and then test that you know the correct procedure for calculating. In other words, letting students use their notes allows teachers to design tests that better test the kind of knowledge that you generally need in the real world: that of fundamental relationships & procedures, not memorization.

Mister Yuck - 2014-04-29
This guy has gotta be drunk, right?
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