garcet71283 
I'm a Christian, and as a Christian, I am pretty confident we used to burn people at the stake for horrible acts of sacrilige such as this.
Side note, looks like they are using the same engine as Second Life (bad thing)
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Jeff Fries
If you were thinking about how this footage makes you want to be the ultimate The Zoo Race resource for trailers, screenshots, cheats, walkthroughs, release dates, previews, reviews, soundtracks and news, please be aware that IGN already occupies that position.
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Xenocide
"As head librarian, I'd like to recommend you read the Dictionary."
What, like, all of it? Even if that were a good idea, I don't think that poor autistic man is up to the task.
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Hooper_X
Holy shit. The devout christian guy is every ridiculous liberal stereotype of christians... but the librarian is every ridiculous christian stereotype of liberals.
Aside from that, this is pretty mindblowing in general.
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cognitivedissonance
I thought Wisdom Tree went out of business.
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Rafiki
What the shit? Did they get shot out of cannons? Why did they get shot out of cannons? And why did they break down into disco dance party? And if the Christian god is a loving god, why did he let the developers create an opening sequence that felt like it was never going to end?
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Killer Joe
Did Noah ever play racing games by putting animals in cannons and exposing them to DANGEROUS LEVELS OF HYDROGEN?
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Afgh
It's not an exaggeration to say that animation this poor would be hard to achieve if you were purposely trying to make it awful.
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TeenerTot
I nearly wet myself when he started running around the library.
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Rudy
I've now completely converted to racing-animal-based Christianity.
Thanks Reuben!
Also, I need an mp3 copy of the haunting Zoo Race theme song.
"It was a half-passed nine or a quarter to ten,
They said something....
AND IT STARTED AGAIN!"
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Clever Name http://www.noahsadventures.com/downloads/gamesong3.mp3
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Clever Name
Oh, great. I'm a horse now.
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Xiphias
AH, CREATURE RACING
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Gojira1000
"After laughing and teasing her friend Rueben about believing in the Noah's Ark story, then Hannah the librarian has a dream about it. In her dream, her friends are re-shaped into animals and she herself changes into a racehorse and participates in the race "Games of Celebration" after the world flood. But, unknown to everyone, Noah’s sons have created a lot of obstacles on the racetrack for the creatures. These obstacles on the racetrack slow down the participants and include hurdles, glass mazes, Piranha fish, fire geysers, exploding barrels, rockets, cannons, bomber planes and more! "Let's give them a real race, ha-ha!" said Japeth. "Yes and let’s have some fun!" said Shem and Ham, so beware, because this race is so very different."
Umm, yep.
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KnowFuture
Infinity stars for the part where the train goes barreling across the bridge....AND HANNAH THE HORSE IS THE CONDUCTOR.
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Hooper_X
The more I watch this, the more I'm seriously considering dropping the $17.77 on a copy of this.
I kind of WANT to encourage him to make more.
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Severian
"Whichever creature that you play as, be sure to act like a creature and get all the food that you can, because collecting and eating all food gives you temporary energy bursts that can potentially propel you to the lead position. If playing on the “Hannah’s Heights” or when running on the “Moon” itself though, then be careful of the crows there and them dropping their crow poop on the ground towards you. Do not mistake the food for the crow poop, because eating crow poop results in a speed penalty, which will slow you down."
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keinsignal
God sounds kind of stoned.
(Is that Jesus singing?)
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bang to buck ratio
I'm not some dumb animal-creature like you read in your books. You need to get a brain, Reuben.
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happy_ending
I love how Ruben looks like he's 60 but acts like he's 7. Also, did he take a dump behind the bookshelf after he ran around?
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Fur is Murder
I kept expecting Reuben to ask someone to take him to the big place.
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thebaronsdoctor
Finally, a Christian game that is both made by, and marketed towards, autistics.
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Aubrey McFate
I thought it couldn't get any better/worse, and then Hannah The Horse straddled a rocket.
You owe it to yourself to visit zoorace.com.
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Dib System Requirements:
Minimum: Pentium 4 – 1.6 GHz or higher - 512 MB RAM
Recommended: Pentium 4 - 2 GHz or higher - 1024 MB RAM - Shaders 2.0 or above
Windows 98/ME/2000/XP/VISTA
DirectX 9 or greater
That's higher than most decent games from a few years back. Half of that would be pretty decent for the likes of Dungeon Keeper 2.
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Caminante Nocturno
They were trying hard to make Hannah sound non-religious at the beginning, but were too afraid to have her say anything to explicit.
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Mudpuppy
I like when he peeks up from the desk and there's a draining sink sound effect for no goddamn reason.
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Sudan no1
I really feel for these characters, with their crippling disabilities and self-esteem issues. I'm glad they found happiness as racing animals.
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Rodents of Unusual Size
I am pretty darn sure that Reuben lied on his resume to get that library job.
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B_Ko
Added to favorites.
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B_Ko Wait a minute, this is just Katamari Damacy!
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Pie Boy
The Strangelove rocket thing really pushed me over the edge.
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Spastic Avenger
REuben sounds like the backwards dwarf from Twin peaks
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Chalkdust
Does this count as an outsider video game? I think it does.
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MrTodd
So, I'm pretty sure I heard a male voice, and a female voice, which means at least two people read lines for this.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
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gambol
I can imagine that you are forced to watch that intro every time youtry to play the game.
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Repomancer
I d/l-ed and played the demo and it's every bit as incomprehensible as the trailer, but lacked cannons, missles, and the disco. It might be fun if you were really, really baked.
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slugpaste
It's funny how something like this can offer more entertainment than any comedy film I've seen in ages.
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Keefu
God enjoys running animals in races through dungeons, sewers, and apocalyptic steampunk villages littered with weapons, flame throwing floors, and Noah clones rolling barows.
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GusPlease
wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowo wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowo wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowo wowowowowo
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bopeton
I have a feeling this was made ironically, and not by real Christians.
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klingerbgoode
AND.....uh...REUBEN THE RHINO
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klingerbgoode also, what a dapper pig. he's bigger than the cougar, too!
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Old_Zircon
And you, Reuben... you're a RHINOCEROS
...long pause...
OOOOEEEAUUGHHH
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Billy the Poet
You could literally sell a turd if you stamped a cross on it.
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Neurotic
zjdfjxdfhj,zdfh,zjhdzj,dfzjhfjkzdfz
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Teased Vagina
I can't believe I hadn't seen this before now.
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Squeamish
OH GREAT
I'M A HORSE NOW
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