That's not Michael Keaton. Don't tell me that it is.

"So why was it again that I was born with all these complications, mom?"

Ugh.

I'm torn between hating its manipulativeness and admiring just how GOOD it is at it.

Christ, and I thought those early-morning things on Headline News - "His young son Steve" - and all that was manipulative.

The "thank you so much angelaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa@" at the end kind of ruins it.

And the kid, living under the pressure of being his father's dying wish, became a 'worker' in a Patpong go-go.

At first I was going to rate this quite poorly, as I was repulsed by its flamboyant attempt to yank every emotional string.

Then I realized how deliciously evil it is... so a toast: To vulgar and unabashed emotional manipulation.

Most evil indeed.