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Desc:Yahtzee tries teaching us how NOT to make a shit FPS
Category:Video Games, Humor
Tags:FPS, zero punctuation, Yahtzee, Turok
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Monchiles Monchiles
I can't wait for Smash Brothers Brawl to be reviewed. But more topically, I personally believe that First Person Shooters have just about hit the wall as far as innovation is concerned.
Turok 64! "I...am...TUROK!"
Hey, it's Blood! Great game. Pity the sequel turned out so poorly.

Most pure FPS's I've played the last few years I've found too short and too... blah, though I have dug the hell out of the Condemned games, despite the fact that three quarters or more of their environments tend to consist of "Shithole, trash-riddled tenement building."
I loved Blood 2, but mostly because a) I came to it after most of the game-breaking bugs were fixed (as opposed to merely annoying and shitty bugs), b) I didn't pay a red cent for it, and c) it had the best enemy dialogue EVER. A dozen different guys, all with the same overblown voice, constantly interrupting each other, leading to things like:
"Come out, we won't hurt-" "YOU WILL DIE A SLOW, SLOW DEATH!"

Also, it had the ball from Phantasm, and that was badass.

Oh man, that Phantasm sphere.... good call on that.

Blood 2 was a case where the modding community really did wonders to improve the game far more than the developers did.

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I think we should just bypass the star system entirely and just add a new button for "Kitten/Yahtzee/Malcolm MacDowell".
How fucking hard would it have been to make a Turok game ACTUALLY BASED ON THE TUROK comics?? Seriously.

I mean, yeah, I used to read Son of Stone as a kid, but it's not nostalgia talking alone....the plot is BEGGING to made into a video game, but they keep having to add in lasers and aliens and all sorts of weird shit.
Best one yet.
Games definitely, definitely need more undead cowboys. To be completely honest, everything needs more undead cowboys. Let's get on that, people.
Cinnamon Imperialist
I wanted to hear him riff on a game about space marines fighting dinosaurs, not go off on your typical unfunny elitist PC Gamer spiel about how everything was better back in the olden days and how the console tards are ruining their sacred medium.
Is that a knee-jerk reaction, or can you actually refute his points?

Monchiles Monchiles
I agree with Cinnamon. I was actually kinda hoping that he'd talk more about Turok instead of First Person Shooters in general.

RandomFerret: BUT ITS TRUE THO RITE!?!?!

This. PC elitist nostalgia has to be the worst, most outrageously inaccurate nostalgia ever. Even acting like there is or has been some huge rift between PC and console games makes you come across like an enormous out of touch douchebag.

Adham Nu'man
I actually like how FPSs handle on consoles now a days, and I appreciate what Halo has done for the genre, including the regenerating health thing, but it is truly boring and stupid to set every single bloody game in a huge intergalactic war of armored macho men versus aliens. People liked Halo precisely because, when it first came out, it was different. Now every single game is like it, except with MOAR ludicrousness.
Bioshock is incredibly overrated, but I still enjoyed it more than any other FPS this year simply because it didn't give a fuck what the standards were and did something different.

Call of Duty 4 was pretty great.

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de-rez video?
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/de-rez/30 19-de-rez-News

I've only made it though a couple of these, they are pretty horrible

Jeff Fries

Pie Boy
I bet they're delaying SSBB in Australia so they can put Yahtzee in it.
In Yahtzee's defense, Turok did pretty much play like a compilation of all the worst things in an FPS. Even worse, the game tried to use stealth as a mechanic, only the stealth engine was broken and you never knew if an enemy would magically see you sneaking up behind him or not.
Great review!

Yahtzee's right about console games acting as lowest common denominator.

Mouse & keyboard FTW!
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Wise-cracking misogynistic wankers.
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