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Desc:Nearing completion of the landmark study
Category:Humor, News & Politics
Tags:pizza, dominos, The Onion
Submitted:oswaldtheluckyrabbit
Date:07/28/08
Views:8494
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Comment count is 40
baleen - 2008-07-28

I sort of felt this way even when they started putting pineapple on it. Also, ranch dressing. I hate the world.
Merzbau - 2008-07-28
Domino's pizza is skanknasty, but pineapple on good pizza is unimpeachably awesome.

Lurchi - 2008-07-28
Fuck fruit + pizza.

hornung - 2008-07-28
a tomato is a fruit

Triggerbaby - 2008-07-28
Olives are also fruits. Ditto with peppers.

Five stars for "the equivalent of five Americans were killed"

Lurchi - 2008-07-28
you are a fruit

fluffy - 2008-07-28
Pineapple + green chili on pizza = AWESOME

baleen - 2008-07-28


"a tomato is a fruit"
Actually, in the United States, where we invented this whole pizza craze, tomato is technically a vegetable.

See Nix v. Hedden, 1893.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nix_v._Hedden

baleen - 2008-07-28

Also, moving to New York has inured me to a variety of pizza massacres. I have seen salad pizzas (that's pizza with lettuce and dressing on it), pasta pizzas (mounds of meatballs and macaroni that make it look like a Dr. Who villain's face), chocolate pizzas, nacho pizzas, and actual fruit pizzas, with fruit, other than olives and tomatoes.

Pineapple on pizza offends my senses. It's just gross. It's like putting caramellos in a sandwich.


Caminante Nocturno - 2008-07-28
Fluffy's response is accurate.

baleen - 2008-07-28

Fluffy should be de-tongued and sold to Chechnyans.

Syd Midnight - 2008-07-28
Dammit people, tomatoes are berries! Very, very large berries. Honest. KETCHUP is a vegetable.

mashedtater - 2008-11-03
This reminds me of a lovely exchange the other day at work about the horrors of Chucky Cheese pizza.

joyofdiscord - 2009-04-22
Berry is a subset of fruit. All berries are fruits, but not all fruits are berries. A berry is a simple fruit produced from a single ovary.

A fruit is the seed-bearing part of a plant. Not all fruits are edible. A pine cone is a fruit. Edible fruits are also a kind of vegetable. A vegetable is any edible part of a plant.

Charles - 2009-04-27
Fuck you, it doesn't matter how a fruit is USED, it is still a goddamn fruit. If ever there existed a universal truth...

Xenocide - 2008-07-28
Oh my God, I thought the Crispy Melt Pizza was fake.
CornOnTheCabre - 2008-07-28
even the Hot Dog one isnt totally made up... although its from A: Pizza Hut, and B: Korea

http://slice.seriouseats.com/archives/2007/08/korean-shrimp-an d-hot-dog-pizzas.html

the onion really didnt need to work all that hard to make this hilarious and disgusting.

KnowFuture - 2009-06-03
In suburban Detroit there used to be a pizza place called Shield's whose whole thing was serving up different CRAZY pizzas. They had one with chicken and barbecue sauce and another one with pesto, alfredo sauce, and bullshit like that on it a good 10 years before I heard about it anywhere else. One they served had chili on it instead of tomato sauce, then had mustard, cheddar cheese, and chopped up hot dogs on it.

Jeff Fries - 2008-07-28
The international news bit was great
Caminante Nocturno - 2008-07-28
I don't feel so good all of a sudden.
heyitslozeau - 2008-07-28
"Americans will eat anything covered in melted cheese"

I used to work at this place, and its true. the horrors I could tell you about from reading ingredients...horrible.

also "the equivalent of 5 Americans were killed today in Afghanistan"
boner - 2008-07-28
I used to work at a place with nacho cheese that always made me sweat when I ate it... No other hot food has ever done this to me. Not even other brands of nacho cheese. In conclusion, my colon is a mess.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2008-07-29
Actually your colon is probably more hydrogenated.

j lzrd / swift idiot - 2008-07-28
Headline: Study disproves long-held theories about human self-preservation instincts
Fyren - 2008-07-28
"Mourners unsure how to commemorate victims of memorial collapse."
RockBolt - 2008-09-18

Twitch - 2008-07-28
Hey the onion is learned to not let skits drag on! That's worth one extra star.
revdrew - 2008-07-28
I am shocked that Domino's really hasn't done the nacho cheese one yet.
Dinkin Flicka - 2008-07-28
Portland, Oregon's Pizza Schmizza has had a recurring Nacho Pork Pizza for awhile now. It's a big hit cuz they've brought it back once or twice.

revdrew - 2008-07-28
Not in a million years would I have thought to combine pork with nacho cheese. That pizza sounds fucking horrifying.

baleen - 2008-07-29

Everyone I know from portland is stupid and puts ranch dressing on everything.

Charles - 2009-04-27
Because Portland is "Progressive". Get with the fucking picture, ranch dressing is meant to be put on everything that is not considered a dessert. It's a commonly known fact here, asschode

Hooker - 2008-07-28
This reminds me of that TMNT fangirl video.
Pillager - 2008-07-29
"Awake and dapper"


Justin Dohrmann - 2008-07-29
"cheese and sauce consuming beasts"
ihounokyaku - 2008-07-30
The equivalent of 5 Americans...
kingofthenothing - 2009-06-15
mourners unsure how to commemorate victims of memorial collapse.

Frank Rizzo - 2008-10-19
you guys need to google japanese pizza hut.

truly awful.
sparklefatty - 2008-12-20

They tried:

Hairball Pizza

Juicy Influenza Shit Pizza with Peanuts

Bukkake Pizza

Earmite Pizza

Bot Fly Infested Cancerous Sub-Saharan African Testicle Pizza, you know, the guy with balls so big he could sit on them?

Americans ate them all.
Riskbreaker - 2009-07-10
The thing is, i could eat most of those pizzas with no problem at all.
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