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Desc:This week, Yahtzee hits the final frontier in search of a truly different MMO. Instead, he finds Eve
Category:Video Games, Cartoons & Animation
Tags:MMORPG, zero punctuation, Yahtzee, eve online, flowcharts
Submitted:RockBolt
Date:09/03/08
Views:3227
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Comment count is 32
Caminante Nocturno - 2008-09-03
All the good tactical logistics reconfiguration jobs are given to immigrants, anyway.
baleen - 2008-09-03

I'm glad I never tried to play this game. I remember thinking it looked interesting in the store but this pretty much makes me feel good about passing it over.
Cleaner82 - 2008-09-03
I went on a free-trial kick not too long ago, trying all the MMOs that wouldn't charge me for it. And EVE was fun and different for about half my free week.

Smellvin - 2008-09-03
I played it for all of two to four hours before getting bored to tears (in reality realizing that the game wasn't going to get any better). I'd say that our misanthropic Limey-Australian was right on.

chumbucket - 2008-09-03
All I had to do was see the Tube vids of Eve geeks blowing each other up and screaming over mics to know this wasn't a game worth even trying

fermun - 2008-09-03
I tried playing it for a free trial as well, but every time I joined a corporation, they would eventually kick me out because I just filled the corporation chat with lyrics to the H.M.S. Pinafore. Bunch of nerds with no taste for Victorian era comedy operas.

baleen - 2008-09-03

You can ride my tail any time, fermun.

KnowFuture - 2008-09-04
Tried to play the free trial for about two hours.
It outlasted the Star Wars: Galaxies trial by about 45 minutes.
It might be a fun game if it didn't disconnect every ten goddamned minutes.

Syd Midnight - 2008-09-03
Not a very fun Yahtzee review, but a pretty accurate one. Eve has zero single player potential, it's only as good as the corporation you join. All the good corporations are at war, so even if you join a good group, you have about a 50/50 chance of ever having fun.

It's a pretty MMO tho, and the area where it shines is economic simulation. So it's a pretty good game for economists who like real time trading and futures investments, and libertarians who want to see just how nightmarishly awful and disastrous an anarcho-capitalist system is when pitted against fanatics who enjoy killing and dying in battle more than making money.
StanleyPain - 2008-09-03
I'm one of those people who don't get why stupid, beardo, nerds have to fag up everything having to do with space. It's like they can't an erection if a game set in a space universe doesn't make you crunch at least 40 numbers for combat and micro-manage 150 things just to fire a damn weapon. I'm cool with a LITTLE depth, like trade-routes and shit like that, but jesus enough with the Star Trekian faggery.
VoilaIntruder - 2008-09-03
Freelancer may be just the game for you.

vissarion - 2008-09-03
Freelancer is one of those Two Week Wonder games.

You compulsively play through the main campaign, finish exploring the rest of the galaxy, and then two weeks after you started you realize that you've done all there is to do and uninstall.

StanleyPain - 2008-09-03
Freelancer fucking rocked for PRECISELY THAT REASON.

Do you have lasers? Yes.
Do you have missiles? Yes.
Do you have shields? Yes.

YOU ARE READY TO ROCK.

KnowFuture - 2008-09-04
Freelancer still enjoys a pretty active mod community if you already have the game.

dancingshadow - 2008-09-03
FUCK THAT!, There could be dragons on the bottom of the ocean !!
dementomstie - 2008-09-03
But not raisin-bread dragons. They'd get too soggy.

robotkarateman - 2008-09-03
Of all the flash video internet series out there, Zero Punctuation is, without a doubt, the loudest.
FABIO2 - 2008-09-03
I don't have speakers right now but even without sound I know exactly what gripes he's talking about.

EVE has the most horrendous new player unfriendly learning for pretty much anything ever. 99% of it is grinding money for PVP combat or sitting around waiting to get into PVP combat (the new expansion is supposed to help but fuck if I'm getting back into it). You MUST join a corporation and now matter how seemingly laid back and fun they are, they are always run by a couple of fanatical Napoleons. All warfare eventually culminates to station warfare, which is probably the most boring thing ever put to game.

And the lag. Oh, the lag.
Syd Midnight - 2008-09-04
He doesn't gripe about those, because he tried to play to single-player. You just summed up the EVE multi-player experience though.

vissarion - 2008-09-04
I did the free trial last summer, and I still get email from CCP trying to get people to sign up for an account. The most recent one was a letter from their head guy or whatever claiming that they're putting the finishing touches on a massive singleplayer content drop including "epic questlines". So I guess that CCP recognizes that the continued success of EVE Online rests on attracting the grind demographic, since more and more hardcore PVP corp members flip their keyboards and quit every week.

Stog - 2008-09-03
I'm thinking of trying the trial. Is this game easy to grief?
TheQuakeSoldier - 2008-09-03
I played EVE for a couple months and ended up experiencing the most mind-bending nerdism I've ever encountered in my entire life. Some people take this game SERIOUSLY. And I mean, life or death seriously. It's amazing to find out how these same people barking orders and issuing "disciplinary actions" are plumbers and elevator repairmen in real life. I figure they depend on the game to give them some semblance of self-importance.

In the end I just trolled the nerds as badly as I could in a single kamakazi move and cancelled the account. It was more like a second job than anything else. I wouldn't touch this game again if you paid me.
baleen - 2008-09-03

Somehow I doubt they are plumbers and elevator repairmen.
Hi Quakesoldier!!!!

SolRo - 2008-09-03
The most loyal nazi's were the ones from low paying jobs, give someone with low social status some quick power and they will go crazy and do anything to hold on/get more.

TheQuakeSoldier - 2008-09-04
Believe me, when you're sitting in a single place mining shit for hours straight, you learn things about people's personal lives that you never wanted to know.

Testicles of Doom - 2008-09-04
You don't think elevator repairmen are important?

I don't know about you, but every time I get off an elevator that hasn't exploded or fallen 80 floors to the basement, I'm pretty thankful.

SolRo - 2008-09-03
WoW is Everquest with the difficulty (grind) slider turned down and the quality slider turned up, it makes small lakes of money

EVE thought it was too cool for that shit, turned up the grind and griefing sliders to max, unchecked the 'fun gameplay' option, and added shiny graphics.

I beta'd the game, it was fun for a month (without pvp on, and no corporations formed), and the graphics make me wish they just fucking did make it WoW In Space, I'd be playing it if they did....Just glad some sap on ebay paid the full retail price for my CD and 2 week old account.



SolRo - 2008-09-03
And I also love the skill system; have to learn about shooting guns by reading a book, but actually shooting guns doesn't teach you jack shit!

Severian - 2008-09-04
Ugh, that looks like a shitty game. Not a very good ZP either. Is Yahtzee running out of hilarity?
JackDenials - 2008-09-04
Once again, the man is right: the game is actually pretty cool but if you don't become invited by a real life friend into a good corp, you're cannon fodder and most powerful corps are ran by little Hitlers who never got a pony for Christmas. Also, for you to be able to kick ass, you have to be willing to take the game as a second job. I have a wife, a life, a child and a job already so all I want to have to do with video games is a chill-out-after-work activity that you can put down at any point during play.

I guess that if there's nothing for you in the outside world, sure, your money is definitely on EVE: it's so involving, well done and fulfilling of your OCD tendencies that it should be installed mental institutions' nationwide; BUT for those of us hooked up enough in living EVE just gets in the way.

I stopped playing because even those of us who can enjoy it come down to the same pondering: should I stay and keep playing or get up and go live some more?
Syd Midnight - 2008-09-07
I was able to enjoy the game for a while by flying tackling frigates exclusively, so dying was more fun than frustrating. But if your corp is large enough you eventually become bogged down in POS/fleet warfare, which sucks *all* enjoyment out of the game.

If I ever pick up my subscription again, I'll start over and do nothing but fly suicide frigs in small PVP gangs. That's where the fun is. The smart players are the ones who only play a couple hours a week.

CornOnTheCabre - 2008-09-06
I really liked this one, its been awhile since hes had nothing but sheer, unmitigated bile for what he was reviewing
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