It's good to see white people portrayed as the speed bumps on the road to success they are! DIE WHITEY!
5 stars for the first teacher being played by doogie howser's dad.
also these types of "films" come out every few years bankrolled by disney and the armed forces.
|Unmerciful Crushing Force |
I've said it once, I'm gonna say it again.
Why the fuck did the director blow so much money on 70mm for this thing when the shots that aren't showboat landscapes (i.e. the vast majority) are cramped little rooms? For the money he could've saved on 35mm, he could've made the actual drama not look cheap sets even when they're actual locations. This of course ignoring the argument that it should have been made at all.
For the same reason people invented Cinerama. It's a publicity stunt. Also, why are Belgian waffles in America nothing like actual Belgian waffles, instead enormous overwrought dough products covered in syrup and taking up the entire plate? Answer: America.
|Caminante Nocturno |
Like, you can't, like, sit at this, like, table. Like, you don't, like, say, like, "like", like, enough. LIKE!!!
Crime: Appropriate tag, or most appropriate tag ever?
This trailer actually makes me hate America a little bit.
Gee, I wonder if there are any stories about homosexuals in their diversity parade? No? Weird.
|Jeff Fries |
Let's do something like Soarin' Over California, only for the entire country, and intercut with scenes from Crash.
|Cap'n Profan!ty |
Imax WHAT why why WHY THE FUCK
This movie had the smallest per-screen average gross for a wide release in thirty years, if not more.
Five exciting stories!
-Young Barack Obama and the Secret of the Crimson Ruby
-Gookette Joins the In Crowd
-A Ku Klux Klan Khristmas
-Navy Seals VII: The Big Wheelchair Race
-BONUS MYSTERY STORY! What will it be like? Is it inspiring? Is it exciting? Is it an old episode of Rickety Rocket we pasted in to eat up time? Don't miss it!
The Waltons are keen on rewriting their family's history so as it appears to be the triumph of a free market meritocracy and not some guy borrowing a million dollars (,000 in 1930's dollars) from his wife's dad so that he could start a little mom and pop store.
The movie starts out by saying the corporate sponsors (Coke, Walmart, Mastercard, American Airlines) had no influence whatsoever on the content of the movie.
Then it flashes all their logos for a while, before showing the heroic and Proud American! foundings of the Coca-Cola and Wal-Mart companies. And the director's background is corporate media.
Also: Guest appeance by Yakov Smirnoff!
Sam Walton had a dream: to open a humble mom and pop store. The LAST mom-and-pop store ever. His children would see to that.
If I kept five-starring Xenocide's comments, there'd never be any left for videos.
This is real?
From this point forward, no one is allowed to use the word responsibility in my presence, in the context of some ridiculous jingoistic American "value", without getting punched in the face and then immediately spayed or neutered.
I think the real question is why shoot on 70mm when the only people who are going to see this movie are the same people who continue to sustain a market for "Full-screen" DVDs.
Now with 30% more Stock Footage!
|Doctor Arcane |
Brought to you by the Bush Administration.
This makes me want to take old Sam Walton videos and replace the dialogue with the Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket and post it on YouTube as an Orientation video, especially the part where he gets really racist and ends with "...here you are all equally worthless."
|erection reset by queer |
This is the best thing I've ever seen.
Is it okay to hate America again?
a Michael Bay film
|Magical Man from Happy-Land |
MAN, Mr. Belding sure got fat.
This trailer is full of High Fructose Corn Syrup.
|King of Balls |
I know it's supposed to come across as stirring and shit, but the only standout moment of this video is the intimidatingly big nipples on the tough guy at 0:31. I wouldn't mess with him. Would you mess with him?
Also, since when is an Asian girl getting a degree and a white-collar job an extraordinary event?
Also, I enjoyed the repetitive pirate-shanty music in the background.
You don't understand, they were bitchy to her because she was Asian! No other white kids have to go through teasing and bullying while in high school.
By overcoming the racism, she proves that America is great, because without our racism there'd be nothing for to overcome!
Hang on, that doesn't sound right...
Yes, hail mighty America, the only possible place where these stories could unfold, for some reason.
"This is to remind you who you are. You're Johnny Knoxville and I'm David Byrne. Together we fight terrorists!"
|Frank Rizzo |
YEAH FUCK YOU CURTIS!!!!
If the film was soley about the ghetto kid becoming a doctor and it was re-named something else, then I might actually watch it.
Don't you, like, have a BOAT to catch?
Lost count of the times I rolled my eyes, especially during the "you ARE a Navy SEAL" bit. If you're fucking paralyzed, you're fucking paralyzed, no matter what branch of a branch of the military you're in. What a dick! Glad to hear this tanked. We Americans are sick of this shallow, pedantic, Faux Snoose-style "patriotism". -5 stars for failing in its objective, but 10 stars to the American public who made sure it did!
Someone should make an inspiring movie about America rejecting this film.
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