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Desc:Brought to you by Coca-Cola, MasterCard, American Airlines, and Wal-Mart!
Category:Crime, Trailers
Tags:USA, america, Freedom, Proud American, MasterCard
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Date:09/24/08
Views:4072
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Comment count is 54
UnderANeonHalo
It's good to see white people portrayed as the speed bumps on the road to success they are! DIE WHITEY!
sosage
If you're white, you better be crippled or driving a fucking swamp boat YEEEEEHAW!

Also...was that the principal from Saved by the Bell?

simon666
5 stars for the first teacher being played by doogie howser's dad.

also these types of "films" come out every few years bankrolled by disney and the armed forces.
PeteyCruiser
thats nutty
Unmerciful Crushing Force
I've said it once, I'm gonna say it again.

Why the fuck did the director blow so much money on 70mm for this thing when the shots that aren't showboat landscapes (i.e. the vast majority) are cramped little rooms? For the money he could've saved on 35mm, he could've made the actual drama not look cheap sets even when they're actual locations. This of course ignoring the argument that it should have been made at all.
baleen

For the same reason people invented Cinerama. It's a publicity stunt. Also, why are Belgian waffles in America nothing like actual Belgian waffles, instead enormous overwrought dough products covered in syrup and taking up the entire plate? Answer: America.

HankFinch
What's an America? Is there context for this?

HarrietTubmanPI
I'll watch this when it's redone in Hoekvision.

Caminante Nocturno
Like, you can't, like, sit at this, like, table. Like, you don't, like, say, like, "like", like, enough. LIKE!!!

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!
Big Muddy
Go back to Africa boatwhore!

But this is a real quote: "We're going to show how small peepee does business!"

CharlesSmith
Crime: Appropriate tag, or most appropriate tag ever?
dueserpenti
This trailer actually makes me hate America a little bit.
IrishWhiskey
America: We're a bunch of racist dickholes that will try to keep you from succeeding. Also, we have no subtly or taste.

Be Proud!

IrishWhiskey
*subtlety

Gee, I wonder if there are any stories about homosexuals in their diversity parade? No? Weird.

zatojones
The part of America that is touched by saccharine sweet pap maybe.

Camonk
I was going to try a joke about how it made me love America and all. But jesus I couldn't do it.

Jeff Fries
Let's do something like Soarin' Over California, only for the entire country, and intercut with scenes from Crash.
Cap'n Profan!ty
Imax WHAT why why WHY THE FUCK
Millard
This movie had the smallest per-screen average gross for a wide release in thirty years, if not more.
DopeFiend
They should have made and released it five or six years ago; it would have been a hit. As it is, it made somewhere between 0-0 per screen (according to Teh Interweb), which means that only two or three people attended each screening.
Also, a word to their sponsors: "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel"- Samuel Johnson

ztc
This fact makes me love America a lot.

Xenocide
Five exciting stories!

-Young Barack Obama and the Secret of the Crimson Ruby

-Gookette Joins the In Crowd

-A Ku Klux Klan Khristmas

-Navy Seals VII: The Big Wheelchair Race

-BONUS MYSTERY STORY! What will it be like? Is it inspiring? Is it exciting? Is it an old episode of Rickety Rocket we pasted in to eat up time? Don't miss it!
Rodents of Unusual Size
If the reviews are to be believed, it is the story of the founding of WalMart and the brave couple who stood for America more than anyone by starting it.

You can't make that shit up. ONLY in America could this have been filmed.

Also, I laugh hysterically whenever I see the Merry Christmas line with that particular score, and the hospital scene seems like something straight out of Hot Shots with Charlie Sheen.

baleen

The Waltons are keen on rewriting their family's history so as it appears to be the triumph of a free market meritocracy and not some guy borrowing a million dollars (,000 in 1930's dollars) from his wife's dad so that he could start a little mom and pop store.

IrishWhiskey
The movie starts out by saying the corporate sponsors (Coke, Walmart, Mastercard, American Airlines) had no influence whatsoever on the content of the movie.

Then it flashes all their logos for a while, before showing the heroic and Proud American! foundings of the Coca-Cola and Wal-Mart companies. And the director's background is corporate media.


Also: Guest appeance by Yakov Smirnoff!

Xenocide
Sam Walton had a dream: to open a humble mom and pop store. The LAST mom-and-pop store ever. His children would see to that.

Namor
This trailer is atrocious but I am 5-starring Xeno's comment.

IrishWhiskey
If I kept five-starring Xenocide's comments, there'd never be any left for videos.

Hooker
This is real?
kingarthur
From this point forward, no one is allowed to use the word responsibility in my presence, in the context of some ridiculous jingoistic American "value", without getting punched in the face and then immediately spayed or neutered.


endlesschris
I think the real question is why shoot on 70mm when the only people who are going to see this movie are the same people who continue to sustain a market for "Full-screen" DVDs.

Fuckers.
Three Gee
my mother, who sadly is also the last human using america online.

HarrietTubmanPI
Now with 30% more Stock Footage!
Doctor Arcane
Brought to you by the Bush Administration.
kingofthenothing
This makes me want to take old Sam Walton videos and replace the dialogue with the Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket and post it on YouTube as an Orientation video, especially the part where he gets really racist and ends with "...here you are all equally worthless."
erection reset by queer
This is the best thing I've ever seen.
Billie_Joe_Buttfuck
...

...

Is it okay to hate America again?
Caminante Nocturno
I'm afraid it never really stopped being okay.

chumbucket
a Michael Bay film
Magical Man from Happy-Land
MAN, Mr. Belding sure got fat.
NoCode
This trailer is full of High Fructose Corn Syrup.
Bozo
showing this comment some love

King of Balls
I know it's supposed to come across as stirring and shit, but the only standout moment of this video is the intimidatingly big nipples on the tough guy at 0:31. I wouldn't mess with him. Would you mess with him?

Also, since when is an Asian girl getting a degree and a white-collar job an extraordinary event?
NoCode
Also, I enjoyed the repetitive pirate-shanty music in the background.

IrishWhiskey
You don't understand, they were bitchy to her because she was Asian! No other white kids have to go through teasing and bullying while in high school.

By overcoming the racism, she proves that America is great, because without our racism there'd be nothing for to overcome!

Hang on, that doesn't sound right...

takewithfood
Yes, hail mighty America, the only possible place where these stories could unfold, for some reason.
Rudy
"This is to remind you who you are. You're Johnny Knoxville and I'm David Byrne. Together we fight terrorists!"
oogaBooga
I would watch that.

Frank Rizzo
YEAH FUCK YOU CURTIS!!!!
soci-o-path
If the film was soley about the ghetto kid becoming a doctor and it was re-named something else, then I might actually watch it.
Charles
Don't you, like, have a BOAT to catch?
joelkazoo
Lost count of the times I rolled my eyes, especially during the "you ARE a Navy SEAL" bit. If you're fucking paralyzed, you're fucking paralyzed, no matter what branch of a branch of the military you're in. What a dick! Glad to hear this tanked. We Americans are sick of this shallow, pedantic, Faux Snoose-style "patriotism". -5 stars for failing in its objective, but 10 stars to the American public who made sure it did!
Caminante Nocturno
Someone should make an inspiring movie about America rejecting this film.

joelkazoo
I'd pay to go see that!

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