If I were a way bigger fagmo, I'd make a faux "The POETV Boat" opening.

SPECIAL GUEST STARS:
Alexyss Tylor!
Teen Witch!
Yahtzee!
A bunch of cats!
Arthur the Weatherman!
Goronchev!
The Ramp Van!
Zangief!
and introducing...
Garbage Day Guy!

Special Musical Guest: Gauchos!

With Chet as Your Captain.
Tom Dickson as Your Bartender.
Doctor Legua as Your Ship's Doctor.
Foreign Dub Sixshot as Your Cruise Director and Ninja Consultant.

Love Boat had the best Guest Stars.

Mannix? Col. Blake? Elke Sommer? Robert Vaughn? Gloria Vanderbilt?

R.I.P. Aaron Spelling, you god of television.

voiceover for guest showcase: "everyone you see here will be gettin' some by the time we reach port"

Start laughing and then turn to the camera is the best way to mug for these intros.

I was more of a Hate Boat fan.

When I grow up, I'm going to be a Your Yeoman Parser.

... and then all the guest stars were thrown mysteriously into the middle of the atlantic and never heard from again.

I have been on a cruise recently (no not the New Love Boat, if there is such an atrocity) and I didnt see anyone in a Tuxedo. Old people yes, scotch yes (mostly in my hand) but tuxedos, no.

Gloria Vanderbilt? Good lord, is this the zombie boat?

Growing up, one of my mother's goals in life was to go on the Love Boat. For some reason she thought after the show was over the boat sailed around with everyone from the series because she thought that was the real crew.

My mother was insane, you see.