|Jeff Fries |
So is this show going to be on FX
I had the Stingray.
"Treated with royalty"
Capslock is pretty appropriate here. So, JESUS.
|Sean Robinson |
I appreciate editing quality that rises this to the level of the first couple of TV Carnage tapes.
And I appreciate myself for making that comparison, which is so very insightful and not kind of gross at all.
Needs "white people" tag, eh?
Remember be checking your internet sites!!!1
Archaeologists are going to find this shit baffling.
|Helena Handbasket |
I used to work in a toy/gift store. This store sold Beanie Babies. Collectors would still come in and buy them obsessively, even though the fad had long ended.
We would have to call them whenever we got an order in, we had a list and we called them the "Beanie People", and we would have to set aside the "good" ones just for these people.
The Beanie People would come in and sort through our shipments looking for the most perfect ones with the most perfect tags. Then they would all stand outside the store and talk, about Beanie Babies. Sometimes they went to conventions together. Sometimes they would stand there talking to me for hours on end about the latest Beanie Baby addition or why this shipment wasn't packaged well because there were so many with dented tags and the like.
They were all middle-aged women who just bought them and put them on shelves in their houses, except for one guy who eventually stopped buying when he could no longer turn a profit on selling them. They also all had those customizable credit cards, guess which ones they chose?
Also, I totally still have the Garcia bear.
We had them in a rotating clear plastic case with the price clearly printed on it. Every Beanie mom would ask how much one is. We would explain that they were all the same price. They would ask how much this other one is. To avoid outright insulting them by repeating what we'd just said, we would give the price with tax but reemphasize that they were all the same price. It never sunk in. This happened, oh, 20 times a day.
Also: a friend once told me she'd heard two old women in a toy store bragging about the kid they'd snatched their prizes away from. I'm pretty sure this was a common occurrance.
Testicles of Doom
Seriously, fuck them.
When this whole thing hit, I was a college student working at McDonald's and suffering through opening shifts every day as the manager hated me for some reason.
The drive-thru would back around all the way to the fucking interstate exit waiting for us to open, and we had to put a limit on how many someone could buy. (If someone came in with four kids, then we'd obviously let them get four happy meals or whatever.)
So I remember this woman argued with me about how many she could buy, and I refused to let her buy more than the limit.
Two hours later, I look out the window to see this very same overweight middle aged hag, waddling triumphantly away from the store. She came inside and waited in line (from the parking lot to the counter) for two fucking hours just to get another fucking toy, and then I saw her throw away the food and run back to her car, cradling the beanie baby the whole way.
I was so disgusted that a) she wasted all of that food, and b) all of these adults were acting WORSE than children to snatch these things up.
So yeah, fuck them.
|Lauritz Melchior |
This video is an hour long in full!!!!
Also, Princess Diabetes.
IS there still a Beanie Baby market? I bought a few just as goofs (I kind of liked the Komodo Dragon one and a few of the fantasy one) and I'm curious if, I too, can get $5,000 for one of these pieces of Chinese-made shit.
These stars also go out to the wikipedia article that explained to me what the hell a beanie baby is
I'M THE FUCKING BEANIE KING, ASSHOLES!
I'VE GOT THE THREE BUNNIES! YOU WANT THE THREE BUNNIES? THEN PROSTRATE YOURSELVES BEFORE ME! AND BUY A USELESS TENT FOR YOUR LITTLE GIRAFFES OR WHATEVER! DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T WANT IT! DON'T PRETEND YOU'VE GOT ANY FUCKING DIGNITY OR RESTRAINT LEFT! YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL THE GODDAMN BEANIE KING? I'LL SET FIRE TO THIS WHOLE STACK OF ULTRA-RARE KITTEN-THINGS IF YOU DON'T CALL RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
Holy shit, I've got a lot of these rare bastards stuck away in my Mom's house somewhere. I'M RICH, BIATCH.
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