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Desc:Ambulatory slab of beef stalks a girl across a continent and operates a camera with just his ego.
Category:Short Films, Stunts
Tags:steroids, xtreme stalking, Ben Ryan Metzger, douche quadbike
Submitted:ztc
Date:10/27/08
Views:10397
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Comment count is 63
Adham Nu'man
Brilliant!
chumbucket
trucks turning and side-swiping, plus persistent use of "leg up" pose, should be in a mccain campaign ad
baleen

This man is really dedicated. He's willing to both skid and wear tight pants for what he needs. He even lifted a rock.
Wombles
OMG did you see him lift the rock?

And then he's holding it later on. And then, TWO rocks. Incredible.

grimcity
That was pretty homoerotic considering this was for a chick.
mashedtater
Somewhere, Loren is changing her name and making up dopple ganger stories just in case.
Doctor Arcane
Aw, its broken
fermun
Somewhere, Loren is fucking another man, laughing at this idiot.
Camonk
Loren. Hey Loren. Ignore this guy. I can fishtail a truck, too. I got more degrees than this guy. I... I could probably pick up a rock or something? And I live in an apartment, not a fucking farm.
kennydra
Umm.....wow.
Man Who Fights Like Woman
Pretty lackluster until the end, when he announces to the entire internet that he can't get over a girl who left him years ago.
Kingofthehobos
Guess he regrets having sex with that underage waitress at denny's now!

Cena_mark
I can relate to the protagonist of this film. And its even more touching to learn that this is real. I too foolishly left a wonderful girl behind. Perhaps I too should build a monument to my lost love.
yourmother
I think we can all relate to the pain this man is feeling. His dedication to Loren is heartwarming, and an example we should all try to live up to.

chumbucket
I guess you better start training to do your rock collecting, haybailing, giant tire rolling and mario world level exit flag move now.

yourmother
don't forget the chin ups on the barn

sliggy
Dude, I hate to tell you but Loren's been turning tricks for meth for about a year and a half.
GuyCorngood
Come on dude. You and your beautiful strength titties are too good for her.
zerobackup
If only I had more stars I would give them all to that comment.

RockBolt
PUNT SPEEDCHUNK

sonichronique
CRANK FLAKSPURT

balistic
THUMP STEAKNECK

Rodents of Unusual Size
DAKOTA TIRERUNNER

HankFinch
BELGIAN DISREGARD

mashedtater
CHUNK IRONSTAG

chumbucket
GRAWBURT PUNKROD

danthedrummer
FLEX DRYWALL

Lauritz Melchior
CHERNOBYL ACIDSQUIRT

Caminante Nocturno
FLEX ARMSTRAIN!


Hooper_X
BUTT SQUATTHRUST

RoyCastle
CHAFF GUNBUNCH

Suedeo
OBOE SENTIMENTAL

Chalkdust
GLURGE MEATMUSCLE

sparklefatty
LANCE CROSSFIRE

Big Muddy
LAURA BRANNIGAN

tamago
PIGIRON FLANKSTEAK

PetroniousJSweetpits
Pubes McNostril

saganaki
LAMPJAW ROCKLIFT

Adham Nu'man
PEPE LE PEW

socialist_hentai
Anyone have a guess why "she" left him? My best guess is he use to kicked the shit out of her. Either that or he was a closet homosexual but now he's been cured by Jesus. There are signs for both theories but not enough to validate either one.
IrishWhiskey
I'm guessing it because he spent all his time looking at himself in a mirror and creating narcissistic video tributes to himself. This is his way of proving her wrong.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Yeah, I will vote for this explanation. And part of his recovery program is to try to get her back. This was shown in front of his youth ministry, and the reformed gays, all of whom are buff and cornfed and wearing thongs.

Enjoy
Hopefully Loren responds with a video saying "I loved everything but your one inch penis."
MerryMisanthrope
"Loren, I also resurrected the corpse of Aaron Copland and made him write music for my video...FOR YOU."

Also, his ego must be really tall to get those aerial tire-rollin shots.
Chalkdust
It's actually from Dragonheart, of all things.

Gwago
What, did Ganon kidnap her or something?
sparklefatty
Loren, if you're out there, RUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!
Caminante Nocturno
This guy would make an incredibly shitty Captain America.
coprolalia
This is the most narcissistic thing I've ever seen, and I once knew a guy who went back in time to fuck himself.
King of Balls
This guy's a winner. Maybe someday I'll be a winner, too.
Shotgun Jackson
For his sake... I hope Loren has a penis.
Hooper_X
...holy shit.
Chizmurder
This is my buddy's personal trainer, I shit you not.
Hooper_X
I don't know how in god's name you can leave a comment like that and NOT regale us with True Tales of Douche McQuadbike.

RoyCastle
tell us more about this phenomenon or we will assume you helped him make this video and turn our firy nerd rage in your direction

Geoff Marr
I feel bad for this man and his stupidity.
fluffy
OH NO HE FELL DOWN

OH GOOD HE'S OKAY
zerobackup
I figured it out, he's a time-traveler from 1988. In his time this would have pretty much made him the coolest guy ever, mystery solved.
RoyCastle
I'll bet Loren has severe acne, a misshapen torso, and a menagerie of genital infections.

Despite the pic.
Sputum
If she ever responds to this, I'll bet the first thing she says is "First of all, it's 'Lauren'..."
Old_Zircon
ROCK CLIMBING!
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