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Desc:From the 'The Boy Next Door,' a Hallmark movie.
Category:Classic Movies, Humor
Tags:Garbage, retarded, kitsch, ACTING!, hallmark
Submitted:baleen
Date:10/31/08
Views:3674
Rating:
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Comment count is 32
Daniel Striped Tiger - 2008-10-31
Next on Hallmark channel 'The Day the Puppies Cried'.
CaptainJesusHood - 2008-10-31
So if retards could speak well, would they all be so imperious and theatrical? Bless this poor actors' soul, though, for obviously wanting this movie to be something more much important than it is.
baleen - 2008-10-31

As the great Corey Feldman would say, this man is "always a consummate professional."

TypicalEllisProtagonist - 2008-10-31
Holy Courtney B Vance!

He's like a somehow less-subtle Benjamin Sisko.
Caminante Nocturno - 2008-10-31
I can't imagine anything in the movie preparing you for this.

Unless it's all this bad.
lucienpsinger - 2008-11-01
It's all incredibly bad, but it can't sustain this mind-blowing level all the time. However, there is a great 'tard dance sequence. I'm also fond of the fact that the black guy is the most severely retarded; thanks, Hallmark.

baleen - 2008-11-01

Hey dude! Welcome aboard!

-koro

chairsforcheap - 2008-10-31
5 stars because the preload image is EXACTLY his expression when he utters the sacred words
chairsforcheap - 2008-10-31
also, the "boy next door" just reminds me of the mister show sketch for people portraying retarded people... what were the movies called?

chairsforcheap - 2008-10-31
GOIN CRACKERS 1 and 2 i just remembered

Cleaner82 - 2008-11-01
"I am just, a simple man. But I simply am... oh, I appear to have shat my pants."
sparklefatty - 2008-11-01
Edit this down to two seconds.
baleen - 2008-11-01
Take your pills.

Caminante Nocturno - 2008-11-01
Clean your room.

themilkshark - 2008-11-01
wash my back.

Jefka - 2008-11-01
Y'all need to wash 'yo damn nuts!

RomancingTrain - 2008-11-04
Buy some land!

Shotgun Jackson - 2008-12-19
take your vitamins

theSnake - 2008-11-01
What? He was retarded, then he was not retarded but he said he was retarded, then he was retarded agian. WHAT THE EFF???
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2008-11-01
It's like an inner monologue thing. Retard to English translation if you will.

Camonk - 2008-11-02
No way, MORON. Everybody know that lord Jesus gives every retard around one minute of complete and utter lucidity. This is when this one chose to use his.

tenten - 2008-11-01
Never go full retard.
DopeFiend - 2008-11-30
3 stars, plus 1 for tenten's comment.
Also, the bad guy from Ghost!

dueserpenti - 2008-11-01
You can't do that, it's cheating.
SpookyElectric - 2008-11-01
I like to think it's not a trick of perspective, Senator Goodchild demands to have a 3 foot wide name-plate.

Also: dramatic entreaty directly into the camera lens.
"MESSAGE!"
TeenerTot - 2008-11-01
I'm just a simple caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me...
Dinkin Flicka - 2008-11-01
Though limited in his mental capacities, retard man obviously is a big fan of Clarence Thomas.
oogaBooga - 2008-11-05
HEY EVERYBODY! HE'S A PHONY! A BIG FAT PHONY!
Shotgun Jackson - 2008-12-19
so was he making fun of retarded oysters?
Hooper_X - 2009-01-09
The rare, beautiful, and elusive Magical Retarded Negro.
Pie Boy - 2009-06-07
I stood. There was a box in my face and I saw it. Luster was playing in the dirt. I said and I couldn't stop. I said to the box. Caddy smelled like trees. Caddy Caddy
Chocolate Jesus - 2012-01-25
Did Rod Serling write this?
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