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Desc:Pick an emotion. I have to live with this guy...please help me publicly ridicule him
Category:Crime
Tags:kitsch, poetry, trainwreck, try to make it through, charles brokiski
Submitted:mountain dew insimination
Date:12/31/08
Views:1873
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Comment count is 52
HankFinch
No, keep this private.
mountain dew insimination
No words can express (or deter) my joy right now. Thank you, brothers and sisters. I have to deal with...THIS...almost every day. He also insists on smothering joints with grossly disproportionate amounts of bargain basement rolling tobacco. And this goes beyond any personal vendetta, his rampant ego is well worthy of POE's scrutiny.

Lindner
"Keep Austin Weird" and as an addendum, keep this asshole away from me.

baleen

He does not know how to spell and his favorite writer is Ayn Rand, so in fact he does belong here. And his "poetry" is pretty godawful.

Keefu
The best part is that he hates Ayn Rand but detests "consept books that chase the same idea in different forms through out the book..." and pleads "please people if you are writing a book... dont take 30 chapters to say what you can say in 1."

Irony fucking overload.

Keefu
he LOVES Ayn Rand, sorry

Keefu
I think your roomie has his priorities mixed up, with "charles brokiski" and Ayn Rand both being among his favorite authors. Does not compute.
Keefu
Also, I like how Ayn Rand is the only correctly spelled author because each word in her name doesn't force him to strain himself and learn more than 5 letters.

mountain dew insimination
He is actually my housemate. We live together in a student co-op in Austin, so there is this painful medium struck where I am not technically FORCED to associate with him but cannot ignore him or avoid daily interaction because of the incestuous proximity of our living conditions (house meetings, daily meals in the kitchen, labor, group home theater, parties funded by house money etc).
The other day he put on a business suit that was too large for him and rode his Mary Poppins bicycle to the State Capital building to attempt to "get a job in politics" purely by "scoping the place out". Keep in mind he reeked of his fucking Bali Shag-weed combo and has a lip piercing. He routinely forces his "poetic works" on captive audiences, where even the foreign kids who cannot understand him are still painfully aware of how bad it is. He plays bocci ball in the park with a group of old french men, and they don't like him either.

And no, he does not go to UT. He goes to ACC. I'll let you guess what that one stands for yourself, NOT that there's anything wrong with that...but I'm not even sure he really goes there.

mountain dew insimination
Oh, and he talks in that extremely haughty tone of voice all the time, and he says he has everyone in the building "completely figured out".

baleen

I'd like to have a talk with this young man.

Keefu
I'm so sorry, dude. Fuck.

mountain dew insimination
What would you say? What COULD you say?

Rodents of Unusual Size
I knew a guy in college who talked and sounded exactly like this guy. The last time I saw him he was preparing to force himself on a girl who had passed out. His excuse was "this was what she asked for". While she was passed out. He was escorted out and there was...unpleasantness. No one at that party talked to him after that.

mountain dew insimination
You know he COULD be older than he claims to be...

But in all seriousness creeps like that deserve the savage deathblows they receive

Aelric
Not to sound cold, but dude, welcome to college. every campus on earth has an abundance of fuckheads like him, even more if you take anything resembling a liberal arts class. One way or the other, you got to deal with him and POEtv is not your therapy group.

that said, he is POEtv worthy, just keep the personal vendetta a secret so we don't think we are turning into some kind of therapy for you. Just shame his ass one the down low.

That said, I think you are a decent contributor, so don't take this personally. Just realize that this dude is one of a million another identically beautiful and unique snowflakes and ignore his ass. ignoring him is the most insulting thing you can possibly do to him. trust me, he lives on your hate, so just forget he is even there if you can, and if yo can't, shut him down and then ignore him.

sosage
shhhh. His attempt to use POE for therapy to this degree is, in itself, "evil enough" to be featured on POE proper.

mountain dew insimination
Uhhh...I'm sorry? But I'm pretty sure everyone else got that I am not seriously that upset about it...
Regardless considering the general outpour of support I achieved my goal, which was to make this a lively talkback due to the fact I actually know him and can share hilarious (for me at the very least) details, rather than me having just stumbled upon him randomly and submitted it that way. It was an extension of the joke but um...yeah, I thought everyone was having a good time with this.

ProfessorChaos
Let me be the first to say that the emotion he conveys is less confusion, but self-doubt.

I sympathize with you, Mountain Dew. I'm so, so sorry.
mountain dew insimination
Thank you for your kind words in this trying time. It's support like this that helps me soldier on when I feel I'm unable to cope.

dueserpenti
I've never seen anyone so anxious to get punched in the fucking face.
phalsebob
And yet he is not the most punchable face in POE TV. Fucking POE TV.

Hooker
That honour rests with VenomfangX.

mountain dew insimination
Wow, yeah. I thought he was in exile?

Hugo Gorilla
He doesn't do a lot of poems with rhymes. Or meter. Or themes. Or anything that's not disjointed metaphors.

One star off for not using "Vogon" as a tag.
Aelric
this comment gets my 5 stars

chumbucket
he starts with "If I ate you..." wow, ballsy or just bad..oh and does he do this all the time?
mountain dew insimination
Yes, constantly. The Ellen DeGeneres one is one of his favorites. And even in conversation, his voice always sounds like that, and he always makes those painfully self aware facial expressions.

chumbucket
I have a gun you can buy, with bullets

mountain dew insimination
Can't you tell I'm trying to convince someone else to do it?

Keefu
Take him out back and shoot him, like old yeller.

TeenerTot
"If I ate you..."

Buddy, keep your smirk where I can see it.

Tool.
rev.dinosaur
Is "POE-try" a tag, yet?
Mike Jordan
Terrible writing. His character needs a lot of work. The poetry isn't strong enough to make calling himself a poet acceptable, and his random eccentric acts strike me as disingenuous. Maybe with a lot of effort and narrowing his ambitions for the character he can make it a bit more believable.
lucienpsinger
Ouch.

If you two live at a student co-op in Austin, I probably deliver pizza to you.
mountain dew insimination
HA! The big new red one on Nueces and MLK...

...did I just get phished?

lucienpsinger
If it's new, I might not have been there yet. Just north of MLK, I'm assuming?

mountain dew insimination
Yeah. We're the straightest of the College Houses co-ops but we are the same company as 21st street, I'm afraid

lucienpsinger
I figured out what you meant. That place is fuckin' HUGE. Can't believe that's a co-op. But it warms my heart to know there's a little POE in West Campus.

Bored
Fucking kids, get out off of my lawn.
Corman's Inferno
I think this falls more under "ARTe!" than "ACTING!"
revdrew
Thanks for making me hate poetry you and everyone like you.
thatonegirl
lasted to 1:35.

Wow...just wow.


mountain dew insimination
Thank you for trying. Why 1:35-oh. OH.

smoothbrain
wow what a douchebag

I only made it like 15 seconds into the poetry
libby1217
"Fuck you Ellen Degeneres" did he really say that?
douge gets a two now...it's on baby!!!
Urburos
Doop-a doop-a doop doop. Da blah da blah dop blee doo. Blee blee deep dop doodle do dee bah doop. Diddle dookie dop whop bottle hee glee fop whipple mop. Sparkle middle bop bop bop whee soup doodle boop. Magic marker pickle swizzle dinky doop-a doop. Fast cookie hizzle for rizzle peeble dobble blark. Bark bark bark dickle fickle Patricke Swayze.

*expectant smile*
Severian
Stream of incomplete consciousness.

Wombles
"If i worked out more, would i be more desirable?" Yes
"Or would it simply make me less imperfect?" Also yes.

RAMBLEGRAMBLE!
That guy
I will give you an emotion: disdain.


APE_GOD
"give me an emotion."

"clumsiness"

Perfect.
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