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Desc:Insanely flamboyant private detective. Spy cars, machine guns, a private zoo and a line of toys.
Category:Crime, Fashion
Tags:guns, 70s, spy, JJ Armes, steel claws for hands
Submitted:Architeuthis Tux
Date:01/12/09
Views:2524
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Comment count is 15
allcaps
Holy fucking shit, this guy is real. The world seems a little bit brighter today.
Hooper_X
Yeah, man. This guy is fucking awesome.

Also: this REALLY needs the "70s" tag.

engrish muffin
I cannot get over how fucking funny it is for a guy with hooks (two litte j shaped hooks even) for hands to be called JJ Armes.
Architeuthis Tux
I met him as a kid. It was a warm morning, standing in the parking lot of Dolgin's department store. The white building was surrounded by kids and their parents and there was a touring bus off to the side. He arrived on top of the building and then rappelled down to sign boxes of toys.

He signed the box, I shook his hook and I went home.

The toy I got was the action figure of him with a briefcase full of special-purpose hands.

I'd started to wonder if I really remembered him coming down the wall on a rope or not, but I asked my mother and she confirmed that he really did it.

It should also be noted that he lost his hands as a child by playing with dynamite.

This man should not be real.
Aoi
http://www.journalofantiques.com/April07/playing_around.html

You lucky bastard.

athodyd
I like how the license plate on his corvette flips around, because maybe it's an entirely different pale yellow 'vette following around Christian Brando's kidnappers
hornung
4 for the dorrance steel hooks
4 more for PM magazine

-3 for his staircase not being code.
no way that is 6'8" from the leading tread to the soffit.
Stog
This guy is the most fucking awesome dude.

You can keep your Indiana Joneses, your Barack Obamas, and your Abe Vigodas - This guy is seventy and this motherfucker can kill you with his goddamn hooks.
Aoi
Is...is that...a motherfucking BUILT-IN GUN in his prosthetic arm?

This man cannot be real. If he was, I would've heard of him before now. Because he would be the most awesome man in the world.
Architeuthis Tux
Yes, that is a gun built into his prosthetic.

And he is indeed real. I met him and shook his hook.

He didn't shoot me though.

UnderANeonHalo
It would've been a better story. "Yeah I met JJ Armes. I saw him coming out of a restaurant so I said hello. He shook my hand and told me it always nice to meet a fan. As I shook his hook he just grinned at me, a really unsettling kind of grin, the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground bleeding from my abdomen while he swung from a rope ladder dangling beneath a helicopter. His maniacal laughter faded into the distance as he and his helicopter vanished into the night, or maybe it was me losing consciousness. When I woke up I was in the hospital. They told me that the one kidney was damaged too badly and they'd had to remove it, they also gave me a folded piece of paper and told me I must have dropped it. I waited until I was alone to examine it. I cried as I read what he'd written on an 8x10 headshot 'Best wishes kid, I'll see you in hell.' That was the greatest day of my life."

Oldmacho
Every now and then, Texas' ability to take things way too far works out if a beautiful and strange way.
ihounokyaku
I...am...completely...dumbfounded.
ihounokyaku
Also he has a pet tiger and cheetah.
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