I'd like to stab Troi in her turbolift, if you catch my meaning.

You mean that you'd like to never hear her say for the three-hundredth time, "I sense some anxiety, but I can't be sure" right before the blood-thirsty aliens attack.

My turbolift could use that kind of attention

Okay, what episode was that from? I really don't remember it.

I think its called 'Dreamscape'. Not sure, which is sad because it's my favorite episode of TNG or just about any show ever.

Highlights include Data having batshit dreams where Dr. Crusher drinks from a straw in Riker's head and Worf eats Troi, who is a cake. "With mint frosting."

Is it too much to ask that superhuman sci-fi androids at least make the minimal effort necessary to kill people in ways I myself couldn't easily emulate?

Geez.

He was intentionally stabbing her arm, part of the big spoiler where it turns out they're all infested with interdimensional space scabies, that Data is subconciously aware of.

found it: it's "Phantasms" (http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/series/TNG/episode/68622.ht ml)

I just read the description of that episode on the wiki.

Wow, that's way trippier than I'd expect Star Trek to be.

Yes, that was easily my favourite part as well.

She was using sarcasm to hurt the kid. She feeds off his pain.

Irish, that's why all the Betazoid men left.

Why do you think her father was human? And was killed in 'an accident'?

He was trying to escape.