Holy shit is right.
|Prickly Pete |
It was Diddy Kong.
Apparently she wasn't using colorful language when she said it tore the guy's face off. Angry chimps play for keeps.
"My friend is dead!"
"What's wrong with your friend?"
"He's killing my friend!"
"What's the problem?"
Not a job I would take for a dozen gold-plated houses. I think he did fine.
I'm not really ragging on the operator, and I sure as hell wouldn't want the job, but I thought those two particular lines were quote-worthy.
I think we should outsource our 911 operators to India.
GOOD IDEA BUT MAYBE THEY WILL TELL SOMEBODY WHO CAN HELP
Monkeys are always funny.
Agreed. The image of a chimp ripping somebodies face off is adorable and horrifying at the same time.
I know that Mr. Smartypants, however, though biologically classified as apes they are more so closely related to monkeys when measured by cuteness. Chimps are far more adorable than Gorillas or Baboons and in that sense we are able to label them as 'monkeys.'
Yup. Chimpanzees are pets.
that thar shovel in thet there preview pic is the same shovel she done gone hit the chimp with until him was dead
She did not kill him with the shovel (or the knife), she succeeded only in pissing him the fuck off.
yar raight! mah bad, she did indeed piss him off until they done gone shot him
Tie to resurrect the 'Holy Shit' tag.
|Helena Handbasket |
ohhh.. this is what my co-workers was talking this morning
|Big Beef Burritos Supreme |
"They will continue to shoot him until he's dead. I need you to breath, and stay on the phone."
|Scrotum H. Vainglorious |
-1 for Harold not ripping her vocal cords out.
He also bit the woman's hands off. He fucking bit her HANDS OFF. WHAT THE FUCK, CHIMPS. AND I ROOTED FOR MATTHEW BRODERICK TO SAVE YOU FROM THE GOVERNMENT IN THAT MOVIE
CHIMPS, I AM NOT ON YOUR SIDE ANYMORE. YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO MY PIZZA PARTY
PS: If your friend has a chimp and calls you to help with the chimp in some way, tell your friend to FUCK OFF
After I saw this and read the news article I told a friend a wouldn't get near a chimp without a .45 caliber gun. He then told me how his co-worker had just told him, this is over instant messaging, that the folks who run the chimps at Six Flags Marine World literally carry 2x4s at all times because of shit like this. Fuck chimps.
After police arrived, one officer radioed back: "There's a man down. He doesn't look good," he says, referring to the disfigured Nash. "We've got to get this guy out of here. He's got no face."
And the officer couldn't tell Nash was a woman!
Also, HER ENTIRE JAW.
Chandra Nash basically is now the character from Johnny Got His Gun.
It tore off her jaw as well?
It ATE her face. The jaw, the eyes, nose, everything.
Blood was everywhere. Groves confirmed she was alive by checking her breathing.
"You ready?" Groves said. "One, two three."
The medics rolled Nash onto a stretcher and strapped her in. They stanched the bleeding with gauze.
Nash's hands were horribly disfigured, but still attached to her wrists.
"I would liken it to a machine-type accident," Ackley said. "She had some crushing injuries to her hands and some tearing injuries to her hands."
Her head injuries "involved her entire face and scalp," Ackley said. Nash's eyes were injured, but Ackley would not say how extensively. Her hair had been ripped out.
"She just had disfiguring injuries," he said. "Her nose was still there. There was some disfigurement. She did have injuries to her mouth that caused quite a bit of bleeding. It was very difficult to determine where everything was because of the blood."
|Rodents of Unusual Size |
I like how blankly he passes along the information "The monkey is eating her".
Chimp is on a diet
He ate a face
You cannot eat a face
A face is not food
this is the real shit
Step 1. Live with dangerous, potentially unstable primate
Step 2. Give primate Xanax, a potentially desabilising drug
Step 3. ???
Step 4. PROFIT
But it wasn't her! The woman who got mauled to HELL was just the lady's friend and came to help her with her lyme disease-ridden chimp.
I didn't think I'd laugh until I heard the chimp screeching in the background.
If I were the 911 operator, I would've thought the whole thing a prank.
|j lzrd / swift idiot |
"Travis’s social skills included drinking wine from a stemmed glass, dressing and bathing himself and using a computer."
Someone check 2chan.
Here's a little context into how big he was. It's no surprise he managed to completely destroy the woman's face.
I've been scared to death of primates since an early trip to the primate house at the Philadelphia Zoo. They have a little display set up where they have a number of grips that are comparable to the grip strength of the various primates. Granted I was a kid, but there were only one or two grips that I could even budge. Larger primates could rip a human limb from limb with no problem.
Also, because of how their muscles attach, further from the joint, with more leverage but less range of movement, chimps have roughly 3 times the strength of a human of comparable weight.
This woman was letting the equivalent of a homocidal 600 lb man, all muscle, drink wine in her kitchen. No pity for the caller. Poor Chandra.
An animal expert of some type placed the strength of a chimp at somewhere between five and seven times that of a similarly framed human being.
I no longer want a pet monkey.
|Jeff Fries |
Can't find a picture of the lady, this will do for now: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1364810.ece
This is the guy Brian Posehn talks about in his bit with the two chimps attacking a man who goes to the Chimp Sanctuary with a birthday cake for his own chimp, and then they tear off his nose, balls, and foot.
I want to fight it. Fingers in eye sockets, biting its throat out.
God I need help.
|Goethe and ernie |
System Shock 2 gave me reason to distrust monkeys, this gives me reason to truly fear them.
"Hey Sandra, nice monkey you got here"
"IAMNOTAMONKEYGODDAMNITSTOPCALLINGMEAMONKEYI'LLRIPYOURFACEAPAR T EEEEEEEHHHEH EHEEHEHEHEHHE EEEEHHEHEEEHEH EEEHEHEHEHE I'MACHIMPANZEEGODDAMINTACHIMPANZEEEE EEEEEEEHHHEH EHEEHEHEHEHHE EEEEHHEHEEEHEH EEEHEHEHEHE FUCKOOOOOOOOOOOOOF FUCKOOOOOOOOOOOF!!!"
|Walt Henderson |
Jesus H. Christ. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hell.
Apparently, Travis the chimp also drove off in a car a couple times, to the displeasure of his fellow citizens.
Holy shit is right... The audio alone almost made me queasy, which is rare. I think it's because this would be one of the worst things to happen to a person.
Check this other fairly recent story about a chimp mauling, except with even more crazy background if you look into it:
Chimps always seem to go for the hands and face
Makes sense to me. Take out the face and you cripple access to sensory data. Take out the hands and you remove the ability to fight back effectively. Those motherfuckers have prehensile feet.
On one hand, it's hilarious because she sounds like "Peggy" from that one Ventrilo Harassment clip. On the other (bitten off and mutilated) hand holy shit her pet chimpanzee just ate the fuck out of her friend and tried to kill her, too.
The lesson here is chimps are only funny when they are on TV.
It would be terribly irresponsible to cut this up into 30 or 40 soundboard bites to make prank calls with.
|Son of Slam |
"Travis' body has been removed from the home and taken to two separate locations: The head was taken to the state lab for a rabies test and the body was taken to the University of Connecticut for an animal autopsy. Conklin said this is standard procedure."
Being shot to death is too good for him
|Prickly Pete |
A lot of people seem to be disregarding the reports that she gave the chimp some Xanax that day. If this turns out to be the case, then it's not all the chimp's fault...
Ok fine then its none of the chimp's fault. Even better. The point is he wasn't just this crazy renegade blood thirsty monster. He was drugged. Allegedly.
The idea that you would want to adopt a 200-pound ropey jungle monster is bad enough, but yes, she drugged him. Now she's claiming she didn't.
I don't know, on one hand there's not likely to be a repeat offense (*cough*), but on the other hand, fuck you lady.
Uh you guys are crazy. There was a story on PoE-News not long ago about a pair of chimp-owning mongoloids who'd lost their pet chimp. The husband was missing his nose and all the fingers on one hand because he'd had the shit mauled out of him by a chimp. The wife was fucked up too in some way. Chimps will fuck you up. This is because they are apes and they are not pets.
Lyme disease has been blamed for this attack, too, and I believe that's why the lady supposedly drugged the chimp. But listen. Chimps will fucking maul your face off and your hands and whatever else.
I've seen too many nature vids of chimps fighting to ever want one in my home. From what I have seen of them in the wild this attack was pretty much by the numbers for a chimp. Makes the fact that the chimps were the peaceniks in Battle for the Planet of the Apes a little strange.
Yes, chimps have been known to outright murder (and also eat, in some cases) other chimps. They've also been known to FASHION WEAPONS that they then use to hunt and kill monkeys.
So yes, they sound like the perfect pet.
It's been said before, but "so like us"
Except the cannibalism part. What the hell, nature?!
oh come on - we only don't practice cannibalism anymore because of changing social norms. whereas murder is still okay.
Horrifying. Then the related videos popped up. Number 1 "The Perfect Red Carpet Face."
This entire story is absolutely terrifying. Monkey's should never drink wine from stemmed glasses! Its unnatural!
|La Loco |
The audio is going to give me nightmares.
I live pretty close to there at the moment, but missed the news report. Last night I told my friend "I'll just catch it on poetv". Now I just feel dirty.
|Lauritz Melchior |
|dr tits |
having a chimp for a pet is like adopting a mentally unstable person and treating them like an animal. it would get on anyone's nerves after a while...
and who lets their pets drink wine!? i mean i know every highschooler at some point or another puts their cat in a pillow case and blows pot smoke in their face, but is that really legal?
they should have just sent this to theaters instead of the new Friday the 13th.
"oh, your chimpanzee is killin your friend"
This was the most disturbing thing I've yet listened to.
I would not believe this is real if I had only heard it on the internet. The chimp noises are just too much.
Given that its real though; sheesh, pretty horrible. Don't keep chimps people.
perhaps the Jerky Boys finest moment
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