Emcee 
He is so in touch with Jesus, he detonated that bird! I like how it ended up being less about witnessing and more about telling Count Satanworshipper to suck it.
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chumbucket
D&D games?????!!!! oh NOOOOOO!!!!!!
intimidated by his immensity, his rod turned into a serpent
and nicely veiled antisemitism
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SteamPoweredKleenex
I think the difference between Christian fantasies about being "god warriors" like this and nerd fantasies about being "Gronthar, 18th level mage/wizard" is that the nerd knows his fantasies aren't true and doesn't try to convince other people that shit like this actually happened.
Because they're all lies. Witches (and this would be a Warlock, technically, unless it's a Penny-Arcade Witchalock) don't have awesome devil-powers, either. "Witnessing" seems to mean you can brag about rebuking demons, Satanists, or even the devil's personal masseuse and get away with it because lying about that kind of stuff makes for good theater, I guess.
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dead_cat
What did that bird do to you, you asshole?!
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socialist_hentai
if Vincent Price was the warlock he would of pwned that xtian and then seduced his wife and had satanic sex with her on a pentagram shaped bed.
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Triggerbaby Hands up people- who would fuck Vincent Price on pinciple?
(The pinciple is "I get to fuck Vincent Price!")
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SteamPoweredKleenex I was going to ask if you had to be into necrophilia or if you mean fucking him when he was alive, and realized there's probably not a lot of space between the two when it comes to Mr. Price.
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TeenerTot
English cottages are evil now?
Ouji boards AND herbal tea?!! You're fucking doomed.
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TeenerTot Dammit. "Ouija"
Satan made me miss it.
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grimcity
Back in the 90's, this dude was getting so much Christian MILF tang it's crazy. Back when I was a kid I lived near two of the largest churches in the state (by chance) and every Jesus lovin' soccer mom I knew wanted to bang the dude. Christian Suave.
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baleen
dupedupeudueppeuupesepu
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Caminante Nocturno
Ray Liotta meets Dr. Orpheus.
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retrocious
I have a bad feeling this is supposed to be based on a true story
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