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Desc:This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars.
Category:Video Games, Humor
Tags:gta, grand theft auto, zero punctuation, Yahtzee, escapist
Submitted:Caminante Nocturno
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Comment count is 23
Fairly accurate summary of the game. It isn't terrible, but it's many years too late. It's great as a continuation of the what the old GTAs were like, but those games weren't that great to begin with, so it has a lot of baggage to deal with.
All in all the biggest hitch with the game is the touchscreen nonsense. It's a cool concept, but the DS screen was not made to be used by fingers (and it also cannot read more than one touch input at a time), yet almost the entire interface requires constant babysitting with the touchscreen.
We're rushing headlong toward the point where GTA is just another overexposed has-been franchise. I give it two years before it's this decade's Tomb Raider.
The problem is that they took such an enormous step backwards with GTA4. They went from SA which was the very definition of expansive, sandbox gameplay and instead of taking it up a few notches, introduced stifling restrictions and linearity.

I vote that we make the GTA and Saints Row franchises switch titles then GTA can continue being awesome.

Big Beef Burritos Supreme
I gave up with that game because the driving is so godawful.

Really, I'd just like to see GTAIV and San Andreas mixed.
More weapons (SA), better graphics (IV), no stat system(IV), more useless fun things (SA), better wanted escape mechanic (IV), more vehicles (SA+IV), more fun vehicles (SA), planes / useful attack helicopters (SA), better physics (IV), less bullshit maintenance (neither. IV's phone calls and SA's stat maintenance can fuck right off.)

To be fair, the only stat you had to give a shit about was hunger, and it was easy enough to eat a burger every now and then.

I vote they remake GTA London 1969 in 3D. That was an excellent idea.

Only if this remake includes mods and rockers, I have a desire to play a game where I can dress in a fine suit and ride a Vespa down the streets of foggy London Town.

While I myself do still prefer SA over IV, I'm torn in one aspect of them, the story. SA was great as kind of an epic romp while IV was this tragic downer Scorsese-esque deal. I think the epic was more fitting to the gameplay, but I liked the whole dead American dream thing in IV. Yeah, I'm an art fag but that is still one of the biggest draws in a game for me short of the setting aesthetic.

There's a pattern, each new generation brings a huge graphics and engine upgrade and the first game is generally a lot more restrictive and less expansive than its graphically inferior predecessors because of the time commitment involved with that.

With the sequels the engine gets merely tweaked and polished but the gameplay gets the lions share of the attention and by year 5 the engine is dated but the gameplay is mind blowingly expansive. GTAIV was the big generational jump in technology, now the depth will fill in after it

III -> VC -> SA
IV -> hell yeah -> oh shit

The stat system and custom character in SA was cool as hell. Bring back my California streets, lowriders and buffing my guy the fuck up.

Also, some sunglasses would be nice.

Yeah, I miss the car and character customization that SA had. I'm looking forward to GTA: Hell Yeah, whatever it may be.

Everything about this thread is something ive thought before.

IV's engine with mountain bikes, leer jets, harriers, jet packs, apache helicopters, etc etc etc ad infinitum.

Doctor Arcane
I'm finding this game pretty fun, but the controllerstylus hand off is annoying, as is the lousy targeting system. Still, I'm enjoying myself.
Can you shoot a horse in the face?

It's not my favorite Oblivion passtime.

pressed peanut sweepings
What a delightful juxtaposition - reading most reviews of this game and then watching this and reading these comments. Most of the game reviewing world is furiously fapping to Chinatown Wars.
Most of them jack off all over any thing with GTA in it. I thought GTA IV was pretty weak over all. It was basically Saints Row -10. IV had the same horrible save structure, boring, long missions where if you die you do the whole goddamned boring thing over again. Only now you go on man-dates with annoying guys and also who honestly gave a shit about Nico. You couldn't even customize or really keep your cars. Boring.

Same here. All the rave reviews and positive comments on POE-N were convincing me to go out and buy this game. Yahtzee makes it sound like a bag of shit.

Sudan no1
Again, I'm not interested in this game, but whenever I watch one of this guy's videos I'm filled with loathing for the entire medium.

Yahtzee is helping me grow up, +1 for that.
Disagree. Chinatown Wars is the most fun I've had with my DS in ages. Also, he's not funny anymore.
Chinatown Wars is fantastic. If you're worried about toll booths or being able to see more than a few car lengths ahead of you then you're engaging the game on a different level than it was meant for. Care and thought are for strategy games, GTA is for recklessness. You should be destroying 2-3 cars every time you drive somewhere.
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