Ford once tried to put wheels on an aircraft carrier.

True story.

*turning circle and fuel efficiency of an aircraft carrier too

Wow...she got that thing up to like 50 miles per hour.

My parents had one of these things. They had like 50 miles of vacuum hoses in them. If they have a leak, the headlights would open and shut from simple changes in humidity and barometric pressure.

Eventually my folks sold it to some high school kid who came from a pretty cheap-ass family (their grandmother, for example, had a giant rack of long-out-of-production breakfast cereals she'd gotten at cheap closeout prices - shit like Batman, Gremlins, all those glorious reworkings of Captain Crunch, all 5 to 10 years past their time). When the vacuum hose leak finally got bad enough that the headlight covers wouldn't open anymore, he tore off the chrome metal trim around them, opened the covers, and jammed those in to keep them pried open, not unlike in the cartoons when sleepy characters stick toothpicks under their eyelids to prop them open.

My driver's test was 24 years ago and I still have no idea how I managed to parallel park this monster.

Just easing itself into an era of irrelevance and mediocrity.