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Desc:The best and worst part of the Crystal Skull, depending on who you ask.
Category:Classic Movies, Crime
Tags:Indiana Jones, nuke, George Lucas, raping my childhood, harrison ford
Submitted:Anonymous
Date:04/15/09
Views:3578
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Comment count is 62
Caminante Nocturno
So, what was the point of the gopher?
IrishWhiskey
Its wacky! All animals are wacky! And its evidence of Lucas' promise not to use unnecessary CGI!

I have not yet seen this movie, and hope never to be subjected to it. I still deeply regret seeing Transformers.

Tuan Jim
George Lukas likes to masturbate to images of little cute animals or robots. It makes him feel at peace.

Innocent Bystander
Never see this movie, Whiskey. Never ever.

zatojones
Yeah, what? How stupid! Now if it were a monkey going "Sieg Heil" comedy gold amirite?

zerobackup
No it would have to be a CGI monkey.

Millard
The phrase "nuking the fridge" is the new "jumping the shark".


ProfessorChaos
What? The fridge could have been lead-lined! That would have protected Indy from the nuke.

SharoKham
There's a big close-up of the "Lead Lined" sticker on the fridge.

SteamPoweredKleenex
Never mind that his hips could barely survive a tumble down the basement stairs these days, much less being in a bomb-powered projectile.

manfred
In Memoriam Denholm Elliott (1922 1992)
Lindner
"OW! My sperm!"
fpeeingg
Hmm... Didn't hurt that time.

revdrew
Other than the gopher, this isn't really any more ridiculous or unrealistic than anything else in the series.
Innocent Bystander
Except that it is.

Dinkin Flicka
So WITH the gopher, this scene is put into a realm that is more paranormal than anything Indiana Jones canon has ever taken us? JUST the gopher???

I mean, there was a pet monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark!! Granted, it wasn't CGI...

Cena_mark
The universe of Indiana Jones has rules. Supernatural religious themed occurrences may take place, but otherwise Indie's world is pretty realistic. Granted Indiana Jones does do some things that are slightly not realistic, using a fridge as a bomb shelter requires too much of a suspension of disbelief.

revdrew
I dunno.. this doesn't seem any more outrageous to me than, say, surviving a plane crash by jumping out and rafting down a mountain, or not being minced after a rope bridge that you're tied to smacks into the side of a jagged cliff. It's supposed to be pulp and I just accept it for what it is.

Except for CGI gophers. I can't abide by those.

Dinkin Flicka
These are both examples from Temple Of Doom. I'm not throwing them out, but that installment is basically a shit sandwich. Everyone seems confused by what's going on.

revdrew
Temple Of Doom was the best one. It had a guy getting his heart ripped out in front of his eyes, which makes it the best one by default.

pastorofmuppets
revdrew: i don't think physical feats really trigger the "that was unbearably ridiculous" reaction. don't ask me why.

Rovin
Indy's world is in no way realistic. The gopher was stupid shit, but outside of it, this scene not only fit the character's "heroic ne'er to die" idiom exactly, the look of the nuke test town - all 50's bright suburbia - contrasted with Jones' comparatively earthy, dusty, dirty look to help establish that, while it was a character we still knew, the world had, indeed, moved on since we last saw him, possibly even slightly PAST him.

Camonk
Temple of Doom was horrible, and if you don't think so based on whatshername and Short Round alone, you're RETARDED.

Despite whatever arty construction of identity junior level lit class bullshit Rover is spouting, that was horrible. AND Harrison Ford looked about a hundred million trillion years old.

boner
He also fell off a cliff on a German tank and didn't lose his hat. Whatever, at least these movies keep the MythBusters busy.
The Snickler
I like to think that he dies a few months after the movie ends from severe radiation poisoning and cancer.
Dinkin Flicka
They deleted the scene where the CIA explains Indy has to go over 3 South American waterfalls with his son, an old flame and John Hurt to stop the effects of radiation.

For pacing reasons.

FABIO
The sad part is this movie ended up being worse than all the knockoffs like The Mummy and National Treasure.
futurebot
Whether or not he survived the radiation, it seems like he would have been severely injured bouncing around like that.
StanleyPain
HOW COULD THEY HAVE RUINED THIS PAINSTAKINGLY ACCURATE FRANCHISE ABOUT MAGICAL ARTIFACTS AND ALIENS WITH THIS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE SCENE!
zerobackup
Indiana Jones never, not even ONCE fucking mentions aliens in the other 3 movies. This movie had nothing to do with the old films, they should have just called it something else and let Shia Lebeof take the lead role and then I would have had no problem laughing at him swinging through trees with a bunch of monkeys.

Adham Nu'man
Duck and cover my friends.

Also, Temple of Doom is the best, fuck you haters.
Spit Spingola
How come the nuclear test family gets such nice digs anyway.

Rovin
FEMA Concentration camp! Don't believe the lies! Beck the Coward is leading you into the New World Order's sinister plan!

Westward
This movie nearly ruined my first date with my current girlfriend.

Until we realized with both hated it, and now we had something to talk about.
spikestoyiu
Nobody believes you have a girlfriend.

Xenocide
This scene may push it a little, but there is nothing in Crystal Skull that is any more preposterious than the other movies. Even the ending sticks close to formula: Indy gets saved by a higher force but loses the titular artifact, while the villain's greed for said artifact causes them to die screaming. Indy gets the girl, the end.

The only reason people hate on Crystal Skull is because they're older, more cynical, and better at spotting plotholes than they were twenty years ago. If Last Crusade and Crystal Skull had swapped release dates, this vid would be dedicated to the scene where he walks across the chasm using Jesus Power, and the internet would be lit up with sputtering hatred for the film and wistful nostalgia for the better days when Indy fought Commies over alien brainpans.

It's not a perfect movie, but the major problem with Crystal Skull is that you were not twelve years old when you saw it.
Aelric
The problem with EVERYTHING is that we aren't 12 anymore. You said it better than anything else could.

That being said, this movie sucked compared to the others.

Rovin
Xenocide wins.

Caminante Nocturno
This movie has Shia LaBeouf in it. You can talk about cynicism and whatnot all you want, but having Shia LaBeouf in your movie makes it terrible.

Keefu
Honestly, it's a bad movie. When all the previous movies played with your suspension of disbelief, it was under the guise of ~M*A*G*I*C~ or other mystical powers. That's appealing in a childlike sense. The only ~M*A*G*I*C~ in Crystal Skull ends up summoning some trope Spielberg aliens. Instead of playing to 34s & 40s movie serials, it just throws a lot of 50s sci-fi b-movie crap all over the place. It sucks.

Also Harrison Ford is now old and craggy now. And, yeah, Shia LaBeouf is in it.

mashedtater
No, no I legitimately liked Last Crusade better.

If it was God's hand that worked in that case, God works in mysterious ways and employs all of them to save Indiana Jones. I'll allow for that, even at my adult age. He was chasing after a religious artifact, and that artifact had magical Jesusy powers that saved him. I can follow that logic.

The problem with this clip is that it is a nuclear bomb, an object that we are all familiar with what it can do and what it has done. We know he should have died, we know that he should dying of radiation but no he gets up and looks on at the blossoming mushroom cloud. It is, at the base of the emotion, almost an affront to the scores of people who suffered because of one of these bombs.

AND THEN THERE IS THAT FUCKING GOPHER.

Also: Shia LaBeouf. I like to think if Sean Connery was actually his grandfather, he'd backhand him and tell him to open his mouth when he talked.

Xenocide
For the record, I liked Last Crusade better, too. Of course Raiders remains the best in the series.

However, I liked Crystal Skull a little better than Temple. OH SHIT BRACE FOR IMPACT.

mashedtater
I don't remember Temple.

revdrew
I haven't seen this one yet but I will once again state that Temple is the best one. It has bugs, heart ripped out human sacrifices, monkey brains, Short Round, that Kali Ma motherfucker, child torture, and crocodiles eating people alive. And yes I did list Short Round as one of the pluses.

Cleaner82
Honestly. I don't see what the big deal is. This latest movie is such a small, low-quality party to begin with I can't see the need to poop it.

Juice Eggs McKenna
I hated the Last Crusade too, is that OK?

zatojones
you can all stfu. this was a fun movie
Witty_Pop_Culture_Reference
I can't see how there is any contest at all; Raiders of the Lost Ark was clearly and always will be the best of the series. If you keep that perspective, then all the rest fall into place, because everything after Raiders is like being the only guy snowed in at a fully staffed strip club on a monday morning- maybe the girls there are 7 out of 10 instead of 9, but the whipped cream and vodka soaked cherries you are eating for free off of their nipples still tastes awesome.
Tuan Jim
I could still watch Raiders even though I'm an adult.

I wouldn't want to watch this at any age.
Comeuppance
This movie would actually have redeemed itself if the spaceship was the Millennium Falcon, and if, during that spinning-room scene, Shia was hit by a beam and turns into Chewbacca, Harrison is hit by a beam and becomes younger, and everyone else jumps into the spinning bits for posterity.


MrBuddy
The atomic bombs they tested in Nevada aren't as powerful as people think. Most of the time when you see film of something being melted by an atomic bomb it's because it's only a few city blocks (3 to 5 hundred yards) away from the bomb. In Hiroshima there were two women who were working in a bank that was less than 100 yards from ground 0. They just happened to be inside the vault when the bomb went off and were unhurt by the immediate effects of the blast and heat.
kingofthenothing
Yeah, okay, let's say what you said happens to be true.

1. A fridge is not a bank vault. I don't think we can ever compare the two, even if the fridge happened to be made entirely of lead and then spraypainted.
2. Brain bramage. Seriously. He's old and he just got banged around like some old toy a spoiled kid didn't want anymore. How is he not dead, crippled, or retarded? One of those impacts would have been enough to shatter his skull.
3. Somehow the fridge ended up going further than the car, which had a headstart. It would be hard enough to get it going airborne, and then to chunk it that far, is pretty impossible.
4. The only thing holding the fridge door closed was Indy's grip. Indy's grip is stronger than a Nuclear blast, and many subsequent ground impacts... right. I'm buying that one.
5. Somehow the fridge wasn't turned into an EZ Bake Death Oven.
6. Somehow Indy can just shake off the radioactive dust, stare at the Mushroom Cloud, and be fine. Radiation schmadiation.

There's more wrong with this but this scene is a perfect example of why no one should see this movie.

Pie Boy
guys
if you put a plane on a treadmill would it take off
this is tearing me up inside

Desidiosus
Mesa thinksa Georgea Lucasa forgotsa howa toa makea gooda moviea.
lucienpsinger
After watching this movie, I decided to look into this. The last movie Lucas had anything to do with that wasn't utter shit was Last Crusade. Two goddamn decades ago. (In fairness, maybe Radioland Murders is decent; I haven't seen it.)

JimL2
Make sure you watch this with the annotations enabled.
FABIO
The thing with objectivity is it makes people say stupid things like Crystal Skull was just as good as Raiders. Crystal Skull was missing all the things that made Indy good.

It's really, really hard for anyone in the 21st century to take Soviets seriously as power mad megalomaniacs out to take over the world. Dozens of KGB thugs rampaging across Americas murdering entire army bases and Spielberg honestly expects to make a point about McCarthyism?

Speaking of that, Crystal Skull had zero of the exoticism from the other movies, like a fun version of Heart of Darkness. No drinking contests in Mongolian taverns. No shootouts or poisonings in Egyptian marketplaces. No disgusting Indian banquets or Hong Kong night clubs or death cults or anything. Instead most of the movie takes place in Everytown, America and we get one minute of Shiea LeBeouwf combing his hair in a South American village.

Remember how Indy fell off a waterfall? Well now he falls down THREE!!!
poorwill
I thought the whole nuclear test sequence was fucking awesome, and the fridge shelter didn't bother me in *theory* - execution was just off.
Sanest Man Alive
Meh, I've still seen better movie nukes.
Rape Van Winkle
Good lord, that was fucking stupid.
Rape Van Winkle
And the refrigerator could kill you too. Doesn't he watch Punky Brewster?
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