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Desc:Husband claims that his nightly absences are due to kidnappings rather than affairs.
Category:Classic TV Clips, Humor
Tags:Maury Povich, kidnapping, hideous lump woman
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Comment count is 26
Yes. Parade your pathetic suffering for Ceasar's amusement.

When will people realize that the $75 or whatever that these desperately poor people get for making up stories on these shows is making the audience the punchline.

One of my neighbors got together with a few of his friends and created a show for Ricki Lake involving bisexual cheating, because they really needed the money and they were funny people.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Those plebs love him all the more for his jovial humor.

Dr Dim
She seemed like a pretty good actor... keeping up that blank stare while telling that story would take talent.

Yeah, the "hideous lump woman" is clearly trying to resist smiling at 2:46.

What, am I Caesar in this situation? Or is Maury Povich Caesar. Because I feel like both of us are lacking in different ways. I don't like marching, and Connie Chung would beat Cornelia's ass.

You know, I'm gonna have to try that excuse next time. Seems to have worked for this guy.
Caminante Nocturno
A friend of mine used it as an excuse for why he missed three days of work. It worked.

Our union once had to defend a guy that said he missed work for a week due to being kidnapped by bikers. The story probably would have been more plausible if the bikers hadn't also said that they were probably going to kidnap him again sometime in the summer.

If he didn't want to hurt the girl's feelings, he could've just said, "I thought of something funny." Hell, he could've said, Invisble elves are tickling my scrotum. She's so dumb, she wouldn't believed him.
Would've, not wouldn't. I'm all fucked up with contractions. This is because I was kidnapped.

You know, this almost makes me want to start kidnapping people, and for no real nefarious reasons or anything, just hold them for a while, let them go, and kidnap them again later, and see if they end up on Maury. Sort of a redneck tag and release plan.

Do they ever leave the cheating boyfriend?

sometimes the boyfriend gets kidnapped permanently though and forced to live with her sister/cousin/aunt/co-worker/or daughter.

Caminante Nocturno
Someone kidnapped my ability to restrain my laughter.
Your ability to restrain your laughter's been cheating on you.

Like a Kids in the Hall skit brought to life.
I think this would be funnier if it turned out he REALLY had been kidnapped.
oh whatever tags she's not hideous
She is a little bit on the dumpy side, as such, this clip needs the "dumpy girls with persuasive boyfriends" tag

She got dumpier.

Thank you for letting us ridicule ourselves on TV for a pittance, Maury!
Sean Robinson
Maury laughing next to a crying teen?

Bonertown, population MY PANTS.
Maury is clearly suffering from earmites.
LeMoyne IV
At least when you go to Springer, you get to see some tits with your terrible acting.

Hell, I saw tits waiting in line for the late taping.
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