A hundred years ago I knew an excellent Track and Field player. He had a similar technique, and was just as socially retarded.

He must masturbate really fast.

I thought athletes shaved their bodies for more speed.

this game was always broken because of assholes who thought that by pounding the buttons as hard as they could with their fists they could make the little man go faster. the arcade I went to eventually started installing guards around the tops of the buttons to try and prevent these meatheads from fucking up the machine, but it never worked. they just started wearing gloves to blunt the pain of smashing the sides of their fists into the hard plastic

touched by his noodly appendage.

I just watched someone play a video game without there actually being a video game involved.

MAGIC (hairy) FINGERS

8 Finger Exploding Heart Track & Field Technique?

He'd be wicked as a bass player in an Iron Maiden cover band.

Sometimes, you're a winner AND a loser.

Sorry ladies, he's spoken for.