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Desc:But he won his appeal and he's back on the street! Oink oink!
Tags:incompetence, fatty, Fuck tha Police, immobile, fatties are not a protected minority
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Comment count is 17
1:20 "Try imagining the baby is a cheeseburger."

1:25 "OK. Try imagining the suspect is a cheeseburger."

this man is so dour and professional in the face of having to fire someone for being fat
well i think it is like he said. he really liked the man, he knew him. im sure he didnt want to have to fire him for being fat.

I guess if all else fails in a real bad firefight, his fellow officers can take cover behind his enormous bulk. Maybe endless jokes about what fat sack of turds he is will raise station morale.
According to Mythbusters, fat people don't actually stop bullets (and I'd hate to think of how much a custom bullet-resistant vest would cost to buy for him). He would provide concealment but no cover.

The Mythbusters experiment was just to see if a person's fat could protect their own vital organs (rather than those of their colleagues), and didn't account for bones and the like.

"our big story"
Amazingly, Officer Parent was able to subdue five men robbing the Bellevue Dunkin' Donuts. Witnesses say he flew around the shop like a spightly bubble bee, laying one man out after another.
onlookers sometimes remark on it still, saying that he carried his weight with a grace that reminds them still of a gentle jolly Buddha.

I would duck behind that fat slob with more confidence than I would behind Claudia Schiffer.

Though I'd rather have the later cuff me and cavity-search me.

Well, I see he's switched to Diet Pepsi. That should help.
Wash down that mega Subway hoagie with it.

This is sad, I honestly believed that fat people had more respect for themselves than to become cops.
Big Beef Burritos Supreme
Hah. Just try and fire me for a health issue.
Jet Bin Fever
In that line of work, you definitely need to be able to move. They were completely justified.
Ah local news. Capturing all our awkward moments.
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