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Desc:Like an itemized list of what is wrong with the movie
Category:Trailers, Advertisements
Tags:Transformers, shit, Michael Bay, introspection
Submitted:MovieCritic
Date:06/29/09
Views:2072
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Comment count is 32
mashedtater
imagine shia on a street corner, in a dirty coat. everything he says sounds, even in context, sounds public forum CRAZY.
CornOnTheCabre
the condescending sarcasm that's positively BLEEDING out of Megan Fox's "JOURNEY" at 2:00 pretty much says it all

CornOnTheCabre
whoops, didn't mean to reply here. although, while I'm here, add Shia to the list of American media figures that cannot for the life of them use the word "dichotomy" correctly

IrishWhiskey
Although Shia LeBouf sounds like he has brain damage, starting at 6:13 he unintentionally gives a very good explanation for why this movie sucks so much.

Infamous
I've been told that it's both boring and loud. How is that even possible?

SolRo
I've heard it's a movie to see while on drugs.

had to edit out "good"

Jet Bin Fever
He absolutely does. I wish I had just seen that small clip.

FABIO
It's possible because it's a lot of loud action sequences made up of incomprehensible quick cuts to the point you just stop caring.

nemeses9
The amplified explosions are so constant throughout the movie that within the first ten minutes you become numb to them and that makes the rest of the film boring.

theSnake
This is one of the most painful to watch and evil videos I've seen on this site.

P.S. This movie just made 200 Million Dollars, ensuring several more sequels starring Shia Lebouf and cementing him as a movie star for the next several decades. Try to have a nice day while you chew on that.
Jet Bin Fever
:(((((((((((((

God, you're right...

And everyone I know that went to see it said a variation of...
"Ah man! I heard it was bad, but I figure... well, why not! LETS GO SEE SOME ROBOTS"
and even when I tell them it's 2 and a half hours long, got an amazingly low 20% on RT, has robotic dry-humping for humor, and still lacks a naked Megan Fox... they STILL go see it.


TheOtherCapnS
Anyone see Shia LeBouf on Conan? He was pretty coked-up, even for a coked-up actor on a press junket.

Hooper_X
let me tell you a story about when i went to see this film: as the opening credits were rolling, a group of fat obnoxious south carolina rednecks came into the theater, talking amongst themselves about eating sticks of butter or the best way to get lipstick out of klan robes or what-have-you. they proceeded to sit right behind us and jaw-jack for another five minutes, chortling at requests to please be quiet, only stopping when i turned around and said "jesus fucking christ, will you assholes shut up?"

this group of people loved that film immensely. they hooted at the sexy ladies, they laughed at the dogs fucking and the robots farting and the shia lebeef being a moron, they cheered for the good ol' u-s-of-a which has the best soljurs in the gawd-damn world.

this movie is not for us. this movie is for Real Americans.

Busby Berkeley
Steve Guttenberg seemed unstoppable around 1986-1988, so there's still hope for a fast slide into obscurity for Lebouf.

Caminante Nocturno
Nobody in this clip believes a single word of what they said.
Desidiosus
Until LeBoof gives an interview where he comes out and says he realizes he's a completely untalented moron, what's to believe?

The Mothership
Starting at 6:17 the interviewer, leaning forward and clearly enamored, gets their hair into the shot; the cameraman compensates, but the level of genuine interest present keeps the interviewer moving ever forward, nodding sycophantically at LeBouf's every word.
Hooper_X
HEY GUYS I HEARD THAT A TWO AND A HALF HOUR LONG TOY COMMERCIAL MEANT TO APPEAL TO 13 YEAR OLDS WAS REALLY LOUD AND DUMB AND CRUDE AND POORLY ACTED

of course it wasn't very good. it's a goddamned michael bay movie about fucking space robots who hit each other, written by committee, with studio mandated humor-type product every five seconds. that being said, i would have paid the same amount of money to see thirty straight minutes of the transforming footage - that shit is STILL incredible.
Camonk
I went to see this with a friend of mine, who's also a PhD candidate. My expectations were ratcheted so low that the robots and explosions were you know--robots and explosions. It was cool. The dialogue was like getting stabbed right in my earholes, though.

My friend really liked it, Best movie the summer, he said. It was funny, he said.

So, you know, that's shooting holes in the idea of the ivory tower of academia. That's all I'm saying.

Desidiosus
You're also saying you need new friends.

MovieCritic
One thing I noticed: Each person was asked to describe their characters, and the only thing each actor could pull out of their asses were poor recoutings of the scenes they did.
Toenails
I enjoyed the movie for the same reasons I hold my DVD copy of "Monsters Crash the Pajama Party" so very close to my heart.

Because it was a brainless boy-movie. It's like how my nephew would write a movie if I gave him a box full of Transformers, GI-Joes, and firecrackers.
BillFisto
This movie has what feels like a twenty-minute scene where an elderly robot with a cane, beard, and indeterminate accent (I've heard Australian, Scottish, and English so far) stumbles around, babbling about things, then another robot humps Megan Fox's leg and she's alarmingly not concerned about it, then the elderly robot farts out a parachute and falls over.

Five stars for blowing my mind.
KnowFuture
So does the movie remind you every goddamn five minutes through every goddamn scene that the fellow towards the end of the 5 minute mark is a conspiracy theory guru techie kid or do Bey/Bruckheimer go the Wacky Non-White Character route (I WILL GREEL CHOUR BURREETO ESE DEET-DE-DEE!!) instead or is it more a mix of both?

Hooper_X
He's just a generic nerd/conspiracy nut at first, he then turns into The Screaming Pussy once he actually sees a robot for real. He spends most of the second act screaming like a little girl at everything. Which is, to be fair, how virtually all internet conspiracy nuts would actually act in anything resembling a fight.

They go one better for wacky non-white characters - they get Deep Roy. So the Wacky Non-White Character is a goddamned midget to boot. There's also a "hilarious" black guy in one scene at a deli. HE IS WORKING AT THE DELI SO HE CAN BUY SOME NEW TEETH. AND HE IS BLACK. IT IS FUNNY, I TELL YOU.

OMG SPOILERS.

Rudy
I have no way to cognite what I just have seen.
Boxhead
Is cognite like the Michael Bay version of cognate, where you're like thinking but also there's some fucking awesome fireball explosions going on and holy shit black man's funny, look at that gun, whoa some titties, wait, where was I

Rodents of Unusual Size
I never in a million years would ever expect to hear even a retard compare Michael Bay to General Patton, but there it is!

This is why Poe will never cease to amaze and surprise me.
Nikon
I think I'll pass on this. I saw the first one for free and still felt ripped off.
memedumpster
I no longer want to see this movie.

I still feel better about it than my friend who went to Angels and Demons without knowing what it was.
thebaronsdoctor
Wow, Shia Labouef (And most of the other people in this clip) are experts at talking a lot, but never saying anything.
Hooker
SPOILERS:

At one point, they come to a dead end in the plot where they're in a room with just walls except where they came from. To resolve this, the two racist robots abruptly start fighting for no reason and in the process break one of the walls, thus advancing the plot.

This isn't noteworthy of the movie. It's just a really good example.
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