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Desc:There's nothing you can do to bring your Mom and Dad back together. Nothing.
Category:Classic TV Clips
Tags:Alan Thicke, divorce, Everything is Terrible, orko
Submitted:infinite zest
Date:07/23/09
Views:2748
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Comment count is 40
RomancingTrain


phalsebob
Billy, this is God's punishment for you stealing all the other kids' money out of their jacket pockets during recess. Hope that $37.50 will buy you a new mom.
Riskbreaker
Nothing at all? But....but...... :(
HankFinch
I saw the Parent Trap though... I don't understand.
Were Hayley Mills AND Hayley Mills both lying to me?

Twitch
"The police can't help with this problem."

That's for damn sure, Mr. Alan. Mr. Thicke. Mr. Sad or Mad.
Camonk
The police can help if you plant a nickel bag in your dad's suitcase and drop a dime on him. Then you stick a fork up ol' thermometer lane 'til you get some good scratches and bleeding and tell the cops your mom's new boyfriend molested you.

There, problem solved thanks to the police.

hornung
i blame him for kirk cameron being a dipshit.
dueserpenti
Oh no, The Thickeness doesn't take the blame on that one. He tried to steer Cameron away from public life after his conversion. Not his fault it didn't take.

P.S. This video makes me think about when I was a little kid and makes me sad as fuck.

Xenocide
Those kids sure seem happy about how confused they are. Their hair glitter must keep them cheerful.

Oh, and Billy, you know why your parents are breaking up? YOUR EARS. That's why.

PARENTING TIP: The popped balloon can also act as a metaphor for death.
phalsebob
Some kids of broken homes put glitter in their hair. Others set fires. Everyone is different.

mashedtater
some of us become strippers and others of us have sex with amusement parts rides.

poorwill
You know, there is a lot of painfully bad stuff in this, but the quote in the desc. is valid. Kids whose parents are going through a divorce often feel like it's their fault, so telling them that they can't fix it *coupled* with the idea that they aren't to blame is sound advice. Just sayin'!
cognitivedissonance
My parents just filed for divorce, and this helped a lot. THANK YOU ALAN THICKE AND SNARF.
dead_cat
Distressingly weird and crappy. And what the fuck IS that orko thing anyway?

Reminds me of the time my parents sat me down and made me watch some special about child molestation. Even at age 4, I *knew* it was weird for Fred Flintstone to be telling me at length about how strangers might want to touch my private no-no parts.


cognitivedissonance
Orko was He-Man's lame "relatable" character. It was the conventional wisdom in the 80s that every show had to have one of these.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I was always disappointed that we never got to see where the hell Orko came from, a land of disembodied, floating ghoul-clowns with strained voices.

Hooper_X
Dude, they totally DID have an episode where they went to Orko's homeland. Everyone looked more or less like him, except for his girlfriend, who I think had a blonde ponytail out the back of her hat and possibly bright red lips. Also, maybe Orko's dad, who was Orko with a beard.

I remember it because Orko and Girl Orko made out at the end and even at age 7 I was creeped out by it.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I did not know that!

Testicles of Doom
I don't necessarily remember Orko-land, but I do remember the Girl Orko and her blonde hair, and they lifted their hats and exposed their faces to each other, which in their culture was some serious soul-fucking.

SharoKham
I think Orko Land was a She-Ra episode.

There's also a freeze frame moment in She-Ra where they fuck up the animation on one of Madame Raz's pratfalls and her hat comes all the way up off her head. The weird part is that her face looks nothing like what the outline under the hat suggests.

KnowFuture
This is as seriously as Alan Thicke ever has been or will be taken by anybody.
Cheese
No words, they should have sent a poet.
Hooper_X
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Your parents are divorced
Because they hate you.

Rudy
We got feelings
And you know it's true
We got feelings
And we're so confused

Rodents of Unusual Size
No Aaron, the police can't help...look just shut up, Aaron. Go read comic books.
joelkazoo
I'm fiving your comment, Rodents, it made me laugh out loud.

And what's with the stuffed animal's tail looking like a flaccid, uncircumcised member @ 1:32?

I do genuinely like this bit of Alan's advice:
It's okay to feel mad, It's okay to say you're mad or sad. And it's alright to not feel bad about feeling mad or sad.

zatojones
I wonder if they get to the part where the explain how easy it will be to exploit the guilt of the non-custodial parent for toys and the exhaustion of the custodial parent to get your way with most everything
boner
Hey, kid. You're like, 10 times more likely to go to prison now.
cognitivedissonance
Or become a brilliant artist/musician.

mashedtater
at the beginning, is orko masterbating to our sorrow?
HankFinch
I think he's masturbating to his own sorrow...
One time I saw him and he was just flipping through a copy of JUGGS and softly weeping.

thebaronsdoctor
Who knew Orko came from a broken home? I always thought his parents committed suicide for bringing such an annoying freak into the world.
charmlessman
Was... was Orko jerking off in that first clip??
Caminante Nocturno
Surely the power of Grayskull can bring my parents back together.
infinite zest
not even the power of Grayskull. Fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day I held aloft my sword, and it STILL didn't bring my parents back together.

duck&cover
So, Hervé Villechaize gives advice on teen suicide, and Orko from He-Man talks about divorce. Who will they use to keep kids off drugs? Snarf from Thunder Cats?
joelkazoo
Oh, they used MUCH more than that!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikiE86gPUYE

dead_cat
I'm sorry, but I still can't even begin to think of how they came up with this pairing for the video. Was Alan Thicke on some popular TV show at the time or something? Was the voice actor for Orko really the best they could do as far as animated characters from popular TV shows went?

I look at this, and it's like they drew names from a hat.
Cleaner82
Kids, your parents are like a balloon that exploded.
Disaster
When my parents were going through their divorce, my school counselor sat me down and forced me to watch this.
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