I'd like to take a man and lock him in a cell with this thing on the other side of the bars.

I could be out with my friends, at the amusement park or simply eating dinner at a nice restaurant and I would know that I could cause a human 10 miles away to shriek in torment just by entering numbers into a keypad.

why does it play rock-a-bye baby?

This is an effective torture device.

WHIRR WHIRR GRIND-GRIND WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR DINGALINGALINGALINGALING

I can feel its plasticky, piece-of-shit build quality all the way from here.

where is the "What Hell sounds like" tag??

this would make me stabby.

OH DEAR GOD, THE POOR PEOPLE IN THAT BLUE COMPARTMENT.

I like how USB is becoming the signifier of 'terrible crap' in much the way that 'executive' did from the 80s onwards.

USB EXECUTIVE ANTHROPOMORPHIC SINGING iPOPPER POPCORN POPPER, only .88

Someone get the ferris wheel! It's been spinning off the hook for hours!

I think my wisdom's teeth just imploded.

The most annoying cellphone/music related thing I've seen and heard since the former co-worker who had Blue October's "Hate Me" as his ringtone.