"Have your parents stopped beating you for the Lord? Kill them."

Wait... Santa Claus is a fictional character created by a soft drink company at a time when cocaine was actually part of the recipe.

And he wants pot heads to quit it?

Ho ho ho. Remember kids: Snitches get stitches. Ho ho ho.

I my kids can rat me out for making funny smells in the bathroom, I'm fucked, and I don't even smoke pot.

I can picture this as a George Carlin skit called "Santa is a Goddamn Facist"