1:47

"It's called a TARDIS, it can go anywhere in time and space!"

And that's how I got molested.

Oh I've got something to put in your Game Boy's battery compartment, all right.

The lady with the game boy is a real lazy child abductor. If you're not going to put any thought into your ruse, then you don't deserve to have a child fall for it.

At the end that was actually the level select screen for a unreleased mega man game from the 90's

Things children should avoid at all costs include helping, being a playmate, and having fun.

Failure to observe these rules will result in dead dogs.

That's an unfair generalization: only 78% of pizza delivery professionals are child molesters.

IT'S A TRAP!

ACTING!

5 stars for the pseudo John Candy porn director at 0:24.

The dude playing with the toes.

Actual child molestor at 0:00

I dunno. I think if I were abducted and serially "raped" by the woman at 0:12 I would've turned out all right.

Man, that "emergency" angle is really solid. You could probably rape children to your heart's content using that one.

I know people who have avoided the "getting a job" trap well after their stranger danger years.

So glad I don't have a dog. I'd believe that guy. He looks like a dog killer.

"Kaiba! You've activated my 'Having Fun' trap!"

"What? Oh no!"

"You're finished, you fool!"

*sodomy noises*

authority figure = pizza delivery guy