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Desc:Creepy, bespectacled man with terrible teeth spearheads operation.
Category:News & Politics, Religious
Tags:Bible, conservatives, rachel maddow, retarded ideas
Submitted:Charles
Date:10/07/09
Views:1718
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Comment count is 27
Innocent Bystander
What I learned from this clip: not every non-conservative white comedy guy/fake news guy is as funny John Stewart.

It's nice that the general public learns about the kha-ray-zee but isn't this kinda old hat for any PoEster?
Toenails
Quite truthfully, the day I learned about it I wanted to put it up on poeTV also. My Youtube search on it only brought up an 8+ minute rant on the topic from some boring atheist.

Of course I knew this wouldn't be breaking news to a good majority of PoE, but it's nice to at least archive what we believe is big deal. And in my opinion, anything by the Schlafly family is going to be gold.

Innocent Bystander
Just for the record, the main reason for the three stars is that the dude was more annoying than funny. This is ridiculous enough in itself and the attempts at further humor fall hella flat.

Herr Matthias
Yes, it's ridiculous, but the effort was conceived and staffed by Andy Schlafly of Conservapedia. Not even many conservative types take them seriously.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Sadly we never hear from rational conservatives denouncing asshats like this.

Herr Matthias
Actually, there are plenty. Here's one: http://blog.beliefnet.com/crunchycon/2009/10/conservatizing-the-bi ble.html

chumbucket
if we can't be sure God is on our side or not, let's at least make it look like He is, only then can we really rule the planet
mouser
What else is new? The Bible has been rewritten countless times in the past by Christians, in both pre- and post- papal times.

We're only now discovering about the gospels of Judas and they paint a rather different story.
IrishWhiskey
I guess what's new that is that folks at least are finally acknowledging it. The millions of Americans who believe that they are following the literal word of God as written in English in an unchanging Bible, are more respected, but just as wrong as the 6,000 year old Dinosaur crowd.

Adham Nu'man
From their page:

"Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible."

"Socialistic terminology permeates English translations of the Bible, without justification. This improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians."

"For example, the conservative word "volunteer" is mentioned only once in the ESV, yet the socialistic word "comrade" is used three times, "laborer(s)" is used 13 times, "labored" 15 times, and "fellow" (as in "fellow worker") is used 55 times."

TRUE XTIANS HATE SOCIAL JUSTICE! THEM LIBERALS HAVE CHANGED THE BIBLE TO TURN US INTO PEACE LOVING COMMIES! JESUS CHRIST WANTED WAR NOT PEACE!

pastorofmuppets
When they're done with it it'll just be two pages, one that says "render unto caesar" in big letters. And the other with the annotation that says "caesar = US health care providers".

Kieran27
Not the best presentation of the idea, but I was surprised they're only addressing liberal bias in the bible (which itself is a really odd idea...) I thought the rights were going to finally get around to addressing all the contraditions in the bible, or maybe wiping out all the stuff about slavery endorsed by God and such.
Pillager
No no no.


It's totally okay to kill/hate/enslave the ENEMIES of God.


Xenocide
I, John, solemnly warn everyone who hears the prophetic words of this book: if any add anything to them, God will add to their punishment the plagues described in this book.19 And if any take anything away from the prophetic words of this book, God will take away from them their share of the fruit of the tree of life and of the Holy City, which are described in this book.
-Revelations 22: 18,19

Ha ha, Andrew Schlafly's going to be raped by plague locusts.
cognitivedissonance
I always wondered about that part of the Book of Revelations, since it obviously doesn't take into account necessary translation exposition.

I guess John just didn't imagine there would need to BE a translation, since he just assumed it would just happen a month later anyway.

Charles
* * * * *

"raped by plague locusts"

Thank you Xeno, laugh-cramps are the perfect way to start my morning

GravidWithHate
7 And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men.

8 And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions.

9 And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle.

10 And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails:

Expanding because 'plague locusts' doesn't quite capture the horror of what Schlafly's going to be raped by.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I really, really want to hear Enjoy's opinion on this whole thing. Because seriously what.
memedumpster
What's that, Universe, you sent this video my way to get me to rewrite the Bible?

Well... okay.
magnesium
It's wonderful to see neo-con internet trolls come together on a project like this. How well does Conservapedia screen its contributors? I'm hoping as well as Wikipedia.
Rodents of Unusual Size
Oh man, now you're giving me ideas!

Imagine! Insert Lehmen Brothers in lieu of the meneylenders in the marketplace! Call some of the apostles Rush, Glenn, and Tripp. Instead of turning water into wine, how about some Rockstar? We need to make the Bible MODERN.

KnowFuture
The scary thing is, the people who started the society in "Handmaid's Tale" probably got called crazy a lot at first. Yeah they're fictional and all but still.
Old_Zircon
SHUT UP

The quadrotor drones might be listening.

pastorofmuppets
This needs an infomercial, complete with black and white footage of people reading "grandpa's dusty old Bible" and getting confused by the contradictions.

Do you like reading the Bible, but lack compassion for humanity? Are you afraid that your kids are getting mixed messages from Our Lord Jesus Christ. Maybe you just hate reading those long lists of Jewish names. Sooo boring!
j lzrd / swift idiot
I like this idea!

Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Thou shalt not suck.
Old_Zircon
Be excellent to each other
And party on, dudes

4 stars because the presentation is so painfully unfunny.

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