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Desc:I am feeling OMM nostalgic today, so here's the opening of the most reviled game I can remember.
Category:Video Games, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:physics, dinosaurs, trespasser, limp-wristed nancy boy, look down and see your tits
Submitted:kthorjensen
Date:11/09/09
Views:2987
Rating:
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Comment count is 49
kthorjensen
This was advertised on the strength of these physics.
enki don't
ooooh kthor. Thank you for reminding me of your response on the old OMM forums to the endless blathering of world's only trespasser fan.
"My dick can't make The Ducky"

ToucheTurtle
Back in the days of Trespasser I was a coder in the games industry. I distinctly remember our producer coming back from some show or other with footage of this wobbly arm barrel-smacking game and telling us with wild-eyed enthusiasm that "We have to be this good!". I said it looked shit and was told I was "endlessly negative". When the game eventually turned up and was fucking shit, he denied having ever mentioned it.

I believe that was the catalyst for my cynicism's expansion into the dark galaxy it is today.

sosage
Maybe he meant "we need to be as good as this" as in, "please let us be at least as good as this".

Also...rubbing dinosaurs to sleep with a bat btw.

baleen

Caress the dinosaur with a baseball bat until it dies.

kingarthur
It's like you're teasing it sensually.

Hooker
In all fairness, for 1998, the physics are fantastic. The rest of the game is ass, of course.

chaos owl
all three of these stars are for the "look down and see your tits" tag
RocketBlender
Your tits double as your health meter. I'm not making this shit up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH7BlBb8Oxg&feature=related

Mister Yuck
Everything I ever wanted in a video game as a kid, made awful. Fuck you game, fuck you to hell.
revdrew
Games these days are lacking in wacky rubber weapons.
Stog
Good lord, it's like breaking into a zoo and trying to skullfuck the lions while high on morphine.
Stog
OH MY GOD THIRD PERSON MODE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdRiKUcRxKQ

Kumquatxop
oh my god

Jeriko-1
NO!!!!

Binro the Heretic
I didn't think this could get any funnier.

Caminante Nocturno
Basket Case: The Game

memedumpster
Pardon me while I slap my stegosaurus.


Desidiosus
The perfect woman

D:

longwinded
oh lord

phalsebob
How did she get butter on her fingers? Tell me slowly.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Oh god I remember the print ads for this back in the gaming mags of the era. The damn shots they used looked like they used a time machine to bring Crysis back to 1998.
memedumpster
I couldn't figure out why everyone hated this game so much until she started waving the gun around. I'm pretty sure Paris Hilton would have more stable aim than that.
Camonk
This is a goddamned horror show.

Also, I remember in the movie the velociraptors were way more scary. Nobody beat one to death with a novelty policeman's baton from the 1930s.
Hugo Gorilla
11 year old review of Trespasser.
http://www.oldmanmurray.com/longreviews/726.html
boner
This game has no redeeming qualities, none.
oogaBooga
Bullshit, it's the most entertaining game ever.

abeli$con
and suddenly i was remembering what i liked the least about omm
FABIO
humor?

Rovin
Do tell us more about the evils of Hollywood and Sam Raimi.

FABIO
This should have been the perfect game for any boy. How do you fuck up tits, guns, and dinosaurs?

Though I still don't get why the physics puzzles were reviled here while Half Life 2 was lauded as the best game of all time. Except for wobble arm, the physics were exactly the same.
Keefu
no they aren't

memedumpster
Also, Half Life 2 had that awesome ending.

Udderdude
It appears you have a different definition of "physics" than the rest of humanity.

FABIO
Crate stacking vs cinder block stacking

Keefu
you stacked cinder blocks for a single puzzle in the beginning and it took about one minute, you fucking idiot

Caminante Nocturno
What are you guys complaining about? This game is hilarious.

Look at it.
papa_november
hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup
Yellow Lantern
8 shots.

BLAM!

7.

BLAM!

6.

Is it just me, or does that break the immersion way more than a HUD would?
Caminante Nocturno
Not really. I think it's keeping in character with a noodly-armed woman who enjoys stroking dinosaurs with bats.

oogaBooga
Funny you should mention...

http://www.youtube.com/user/oogaboogan#p/u/7/kTAZ9XbEwH8

I only have the demo. I really, REALLY want the full version.

In this video i kill a velociraptor by raking the barrel of an empty shotgun across it's mouth.
Magical Man from Happy-Land
ok whos going to activate the "look down and see your tits" tag
tamago
Give me back my comment!

phydeaux
Sorry boss, all we gots is forward kinematics
Syd Midnight
Looks like a software company bit off a little bit more than they could chew
Vicious
As soon as she picks up an object she forgets what an arm does.
Harveyjames
I watched some redneck bear do a Let's Play of this- one of the few actually entertaining and watchable Let's Play's I've seen- and he revealed a well-meaning game with some pretty interesting storytelling and design choices, though it's ludricrously flawed, of course.

There's a puzzle in this which Steven Spielberg himself designed where, if you complete it, a certificate pops up on screen saying 'Thank you so much for playing my game! - Steven Spielberg'.
thebaronsdoctor
The interface of this game is akin to using a limp pool noodle to pick things up
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