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Desc:Dear Women: You are never safe. Seriously. We mean it. Hugs n' kisses, Broadview Security
Category:Advertisements, Humor
Tags:security, sarah haskins, target women, the great door war of 2009, rape fables
Submitted:RockBolt
Date:11/15/09
Views:2362
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Comment count is 35
splatterbabble
Rape fables
PurpleXVI
Not her best, but the ending made it.
baleen

advertising sure is stupid.

KnowFuture
+5 for the rogue's gallery of incompetent rapists.

glasseye
Sarah Haskins.

I heard an interview with her on NPR a while back... She's awesome.
Bort
http://www.npr.org/blogs/bryantpark/2008/07/target_women_sarah_has kins_joi_1.html

I am unabashed in my love for Sarah Haskins, and an aside to Sarah: I don't have Broadview Security, and all that's keeping my door closed is a flimsy chain.

heyitslozeau
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113837816

Midnight Man
You particularly worried about violent rape bort?

Cena_mark
White burglars... God forbid the shit storm if one of those burglars wasn't white. I know they have to be politically correct but it makes the ads so unrealistic.
splatterbabble
Hence why she pointed it out. Thank you for keeping up with the rest of the class.

Midnight Man
Please elaborate on what's unrealistic about it. Include discussion on why you object to every one of the criminals being white, but not to every one of the victims and every one of the call center guys also being white.

Keefu
good lord you are dumb and worthless to the world

Camonk
Whoever is playing Cena was really proud they caught the totally obvious mention of race.

It's like, man, trolling is EASY when the video just gives you the keys to the car like that!

KnowFuture
Cena_Mark: PoETV's answer to a question nobody asked.

Caminante Nocturno
These videos contain commercials being interrupted with an annoying, dead-eyed person's yammering. If that had been intentional on their part, these would be brilliant.
heyitslozeau
Jeez who would think an animetard wouldn't like annoying and dead-eyed yammering?

voodoo_pork
This is Portal of Evil from Broadview Security...

Why yes, I AM wearing a denim shirt.



glasseye
It's DIFFERENT when they're Japanese, SHEESH.

Keefu
it's amazing people keep taking your bait and begin flailing at you continuously every time one of these videos pops up

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck
Caminante Nocturno *

women

BHWW
Broadview Security, your last line of defense against the legions of doorkickers who roam the streets.
Ursa_minor
Women takin' a shit? Not on my watch!
Xenocide
In a world where men all have the superpower to smash open locked doors with nothing but their unstoppable rape-lust, it's good to know that you are protected by an elite force of guys sitting at phones.

Also, they will call to ask if it's okay to send help, so let's hope that rapist isn't trying to restrain you for some reason.
Hay Belly
If someone just kicked in my door I wouldn't be answering the fucking phone, unless I knew it was the alarm company and then I wouldn't say "Hello?" I'd yell "Send help! Fuck!" because I knew it would be the alarm company that I'm paying to call me. I hate these commercials.


FABIO
They call the police if no one answers the phone with the password.

Still the response time is horrible and about all it would do is force burglars to pull a rushed smash and grab while you're gone.

Midnight Man
This is my favourite one of these because it hits on one of my personal beefs, the private security industry. Hooray!
KnowFuture
Also,

This is a browser.

It is typically grey.



This is Google Chrome.

IT NEVER FUCKING LOADS .JPEGS.
engrish muffin
Some of these have been lame lately, but this one worked. I always laugh when I see these commercials too. The formula is so ridiculously transparent it's hard to believe they actually sell anything with them...
And Then Explosions
They're not rapists.

They're brave combatants in the War on Doors.
Hooker
This is twice as hilarious for me because, being one of the few people that played through that Bourne Identity game, the sound the rapists make when they kick in the door is the same sound the game makes to signal a quick time event. Which are also played in dramatic slow motion.
Hooper_X
These guys are penny-ante TV commercial rapists. Bunch of door-kicking amateurs. What you really gotta be afraid of is those Law & Order: SVU rapists that are actually delivery guys or repairmen who come in your house, then furtively crack a window/unlock the garage while you aren't looking!

IF YOU ARE A WOMAN YOU SHOULD NOT TRUST ANY MAN YOU HAVE NOT PERFORMED A THOROUGH BACKGROUND CHECK ON. (IT'S PROBABLY WORTH IT TO BE SUSPICIOUS OF IMMEDIATE FAMILY, TOO. MOLESTATION AND ALL THAT.)
Mallard
Some of these have been kind of lame, but this one was actually funny.
kwash
I DONT GET IT USUALLY THE ONION/TIM AND ERIC ISN'T FUNNY BUT THIS ONE IS WTF

kwash
christ im drunk

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