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Desc:*This video may not be suitable for minors.*
Category:Religious, Humor
Tags:Cthulhu, Lovecraft, 8 months pregnant, High Priest Venger AsNas Satanis, bored prostitute
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Comment count is 25
Explodotron - 2010-01-12
I hope nobody notices the obvious cut as I teach my pregnant-but-not-with-my-kid-girlfriend how to chant this. All the guys at The Source are going to be *so* impressed. Even that douchebag, Paul.
rapsnacks - 2010-01-12
Stars, but the hotel bedspread pretty much means she was paid. Which also means that pregnant women respond to the "gigs" section on craigslist.

biclops - 2010-01-12
Follow-up video:

Sacks5thAvenButt - 2010-01-12
you read my mind snacks

Explodotron - 2010-01-12
Response video = Lies. She was dumped for a level 4 aasimar cleric and wants to get back at the DM.

rastarat - 2010-01-12
YOU may think the ritual was bullshit but crazy boyfriend will be sacrificing your daughter shortly.

Syd Midnight - 2010-01-13
Good find Biclops, the plot thickens. "It was supposed to be fun, a joke, but this guy takes things waaaay too seriously."

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck - 2010-01-12
as boring as regular religion.
Syd Midnight - 2010-01-13
Most religion doesn't focus on a bored hooker who's trying not to laugh at the priest.

pineapplejuicer - 2010-01-12
really? really?

Candlejackv616 - 2010-01-12

ShiftlessRastus - 2010-01-12
Is bucks worth a baby with tentacles? Missing 'dumpy girls with persuasive boyfriends' tag.
snothouse - 2010-01-12
I thought her kid said "I don't know"
chumbucket - 2010-01-12
fhtagn this
manning_krull - 2010-01-12
*fhtagn fhtagn fhtagn*
Cleaner82 - 2010-01-12
Already the mark of damnation and lifelong hardship has been placed on the unborn child.
Pillager - 2010-01-12
Could be worse, it could one of Ken Ham's offspring...

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck - 2010-01-12
I've worked a little bit with Cthulhu, and so far I've been very successful; or lucky depending on how you look at it. I have a very beautiful red stationary that I used to make up his seal (Gotta love Michael's - its like a candy store for magicians). When I write out seals, I use sharpie/permanent marker for the sigil itself, and pen for names and words of power. My practice is to write out the name and sigil of the entity on one side of the seal, and corresponding and controlling God-names on the other. What was really interesting that I found with Cthulhu was that I was instructed to use the Highest and most powerful God-names I know for Cthulhu's seal; anything less would be dangerous. So I used Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh, the God Name of the Crown in Kabbalah, as well as the Necronomicon's equivalent: "I AM THE ANCIENT ONE". I anointed the seal with Power oil and it remains extremely potent.

My first and only working thusfar with Cthulhu was a type of experimental transmutation using the Archangel Michael. The Nec says that you cannot summon Cthulhu like the others because he is the sleeping lord. I agree with Warlock Asylum's understanding of Cthulhu as the cthonic force of serpentine kundalini. The Nec says that Cthulhu is the very fire of the earth and magick. Dangerous, but extremely potent if you can learn to utilize it. His power is the utter power of the Unconscious.

I obtained, anointed, and consecrated one of Michael's typical vigil candles, featuring a picture of him overthrowing Satan and putting him under his foot. I placed Cthulhu's seal literally under the candle with the idea that Michael could help me to transmute and sublimate Cthulhu's awesome and powerful energy into my life. I did this on Michaelmas. I sprinkled Himalayan pink salt on the candle and surrounded it with a circle of appropriate crystals. I then said the Chaplet of Saint Michael, which is a mystical series of prayers that invokes the power of all 9 choirs of angels into your life.

The petition was apparently heard loud and clear. Michael really came in and worked some wonders for me in my life. One of the coolest things that happened is that the candle emitted the scent of roses into my room, which was totally unexpected. Roses are a trademark sign of the angels and Mary their queen. I haven't been able to figure out where the smell came from - as far as I know the candle was unscented. The only thing I can think of was either it was and I didn't know, or somehow the herbs and salt made up the smell. Either way, it was a really great sign.

My good friend who is psychic told me that I had been very blessed. He also said that Michael had saved me in the nick of time from some kind of disaster that I was unaware of. I remain extremely grateful, and the angels have gone on to help me in many other ways as well.
atheistgirl - 2010-01-12
You scare me.

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck - 2010-01-12
it's superstitionist copy-paste.

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck - 2010-01-12
really though that should frighten anyone

Orochi - 2010-01-12
I love how he pauses when he actually touches the girl. I believe that his first contact with an actual female bas briefly trumped his desperate need for nerd-cred.
athodyd - 2010-01-12
Yeah I was about to say that was the best part, being clearly the first time he's had a hand on bare flesh even vaguely close to an erogenous zone.

needs "bored prostitute" tag

Cleaner82 - 2010-01-12
Prostitutes are legendary good sports.

kwash - 2011-08-25
"Well at least he's not in a fur suit."

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