Udderdude 
Wikipedia time.
'In the Daily Show segment, Samantha Bee attempts to convince Jonah to enter the pornography industry. Falcon refused, saying it would be "just the easy way out ... it's not going to help my legit acting career." '
YOU DO NOT HAVE A LEGIT ACTING CAREER, GET IN THE FUCKING FREAKSHOW.
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phalsebob
When a man with a 13" penis is unhappy...
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themilkshark
You know, Hulk Hogan's daughter refuses to train for pro wrestling... Nobody ever wants to do what they'd be really, really good at.
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delicatessen
Well, at least Plants Vs. Zombies is pretty fun.
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Chancho
"Jonah, do you want to fuck women for money?"
Jonah shook his head.
"I will pay you to fuck beautiful women."
"I don't want to."
"Jonah, you have a 13 inch penis. What else could you possibly want to do?"
"I want to write about video games." Jonah said.
"What?"
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oswaldtheluckyrabbit
The grass is always greener.
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Midnight Man
This is basically the most self-esteem boosting schadenfreude possible
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ztc
To quote the man himself, "kafcgluiafybgliuhi;oghde;j;oijhuoij;ugo;"
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FeeFiFoFoTheFifeFifeBrown
"Jonah FalCONE?"
Damn, all these years I had no idea. You learn something new every day.
Also, I doubled-checked, the narrator actually said this:
"A 1999 HBO documentary established this man, just 5'9", as the world's longest penis."
OUCH
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Enjoy A 1999 HBO documentary established this man, an unkept, socially awkward, chubby, dirty sweat pant wearing, video game writer, just 5'9", has the world's longest penis."
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Hooker
To be fair, he is pretty ugly looking.
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