|dora's cough |
"Don't grab a hot pan with a wet towel." How contemptuous this woman must be of her audience.
I can only imagine this is Shamwow Vince's ex-guidette sister who gave up on life after being yelled to leave the beach for being too old.
Her head looks like a paper mache skull with makeup
This banana bread recipe is a real boo boo, alright.
I want to see her versus Simply Sara in an iron chef cage match cook off to the death.
|Syd Midnight |
It's like a Mad TV skit but without the audience laughter
"This isn't a tooth pick, because I don't have tooth picks in my house.... Seriously, fuck tooth picks. If you like tooth picks just go to the damn supermarket and buy your shitty Banana bread there because that is all your tooth pick using self is worth"
No toothpicks, no wire hangers. I'll fucking kill you if I catch you with either.
The recipe, as presented:
1 cup RAW sugar. Fuck normal sugar, I'm a chef.
1 tablespoon some sort of fat. It could even be flavorless canola oil!
1 cup WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT! Wheat flour, oat flour, brown rice flour. Try to use something other than AP flour to maintain a level of pretentiousness. That way, people think you're a skilled chef who knows about all kinds of rare ingredients!
2 bananas, mashed. I mash them fancily. I recommend using the kind of bananas that I'm NOT using in this video.
1 egg. I mean if you want. They're totally optional when you bake.
[BUY MY BOOK] teaspoons baking powder, basking soda, and salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract.
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. They're good for you!
Put it in whatever you want. Round dishes are the most impressive!
Bake it at [BUY MY BOOK] degrees for exactly 30 minutes.
It's really not a bad recipe at its core, although I use regular white sugar and white flour.
What I do:
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 stick of butter (yes, an entire stick)
2 cups flour
a couple capfulls of vanilla
1 teaspoon of salt, 1 teaspoon of baking soda.
The baking powder is kind of unnecessary. As are chocolate chips. (And nuts, I hate nuts in my banana bread).
Knuckles you're a disgusting sell-out. Regular white sugar and regular white flour. Your banana bread is probably DISGUSTING. Deliciously disgusting.
Come on man, there's not a single ingredient in there I'd need to go to a specialty shop to get. You call yourself a cook?
potentially capable of inducing a psychotic rage
keep away from schizophrenics
|Macho Nacho |
The health food hippie in me started getting very angry when it heard the words "canola oil" and "semi-sweet chocolate chips."
I don't care what the excuse is for whatever potential health benefits they might have in them they will not help a person lose weight.
Also the healthy 'raw sugar'. Year, it's not treated or refined, so i guess it's healthier in that 'organic foods' sense, but it's still SUGAR.
I'm using wheat flour because i couldn't find the oat flour. I had passed out in the baking aisle and when I came to, I could only raise my bony head as high as the bottom shelf. Where the wheat flour is.
Here, I'm using my one egg for the month.
I don't have toothpicks in my house. I can't stand the competition.
|Rum Revenge |
Some evil force lobotomized Alton Brown and put his brain in a lady body!
Don't forget to make yourself throw up after you eat for extra calorie loss.
"You can make everything exactly as you want to make it."
What a lame aphorism.
She's what giants had in mind when the expression "I'll grind your bones to make my bread" came around.
Also I don't need the attitude lady. Just make the fucking bread already.
# anyone having a weekend get together & need snack ideas? get help w/ my exclusive @PepperidgeFarm recipes: bakednaturals.com #spon
8:25 AM Mar 25th via HootSuite
Semi-sweet is not dark, you fucking moron. It's still more sugar and oil than chocolate.
More ADDED fat, I mean. Chocolate is not a low-fat food.
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