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Desc:I hate this person so much.
Category:Crime
Tags:food, stupid health tips, poetv needs a food category, Skinnygirl
Submitted:RocketBlender
Date:03/27/10
Views:2639
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dora's cough
"Don't grab a hot pan with a wet towel." How contemptuous this woman must be of her audience.
voodoo_pork
"You know what, gals? Do whatever your fat brain tells you to!"

Rodents of Unusual Size
"I don't do delicate desserts. I make desserts that are in yo fucking face, jackass! Desserts that say I'M WALKIN OVAH HEAH!"

Konversekid
I can only imagine this is Shamwow Vince's ex-guidette sister who gave up on life after being yelled to leave the beach for being too old.
HankFinch
Her head looks like a paper mache skull with makeup

BHWW
This banana bread recipe is a real boo boo, alright.
Lindner
I want to see her versus Simply Sara in an iron chef cage match cook off to the death.
Camonk
I want to see her catapulted into a wall.

RocketBlender
I want to see her shot. INTO THE SUN!

The Mothership
I might suggest the 'Skinnygirl' tag if we are going to be seeing more of this monster. And I think we are all agreed that we should.


Syd Midnight
It's like a Mad TV skit but without the audience laughter
RomancingTrain
So, a Jimmy Fallon era SNL skit.

Urist
"This isn't a tooth pick, because I don't have tooth picks in my house.... Seriously, fuck tooth picks. If you like tooth picks just go to the damn supermarket and buy your shitty Banana bread there because that is all your tooth pick using self is worth"
duck&cover
No toothpicks, no wire hangers. I'll fucking kill you if I catch you with either.

RocketBlender
The recipe, as presented:

1 cup RAW sugar. Fuck normal sugar, I'm a chef.
1 tablespoon some sort of fat. It could even be flavorless canola oil!
1 cup WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT! Wheat flour, oat flour, brown rice flour. Try to use something other than AP flour to maintain a level of pretentiousness. That way, people think you're a skilled chef who knows about all kinds of rare ingredients!
2 bananas, mashed. I mash them fancily. I recommend using the kind of bananas that I'm NOT using in this video.
1 egg. I mean if you want. They're totally optional when you bake.
[BUY MY BOOK] teaspoons baking powder, basking soda, and salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract.
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. They're good for you!

Put it in whatever you want. Round dishes are the most impressive!

Bake it at [BUY MY BOOK] degrees for exactly 30 minutes.
Knuckles
It's really not a bad recipe at its core, although I use regular white sugar and white flour.

What I do:

1 1/4 cups sugar
1 stick of butter (yes, an entire stick)
2 cups flour
5 bananas
2 eggs
a couple capfulls of vanilla
1 teaspoon of salt, 1 teaspoon of baking soda.

The baking powder is kind of unnecessary. As are chocolate chips. (And nuts, I hate nuts in my banana bread).

Camonk
Knuckles you're a disgusting sell-out. Regular white sugar and regular white flour. Your banana bread is probably DISGUSTING. Deliciously disgusting.

memedumpster
I now wish my screen name was "mashbananasfancily."


RocketBlender
Come on man, there's not a single ingredient in there I'd need to go to a specialty shop to get. You call yourself a cook?

dorje
potentially capable of inducing a psychotic rage

keep away from schizophrenics
RocketBlender
Awww, you noticed!

Macho Nacho
The health food hippie in me started getting very angry when it heard the words "canola oil" and "semi-sweet chocolate chips."

I don't care what the excuse is for whatever potential health benefits they might have in them they will not help a person lose weight.
Urkel Forever
Nor will banana bread.

RocketBlender
Also the healthy 'raw sugar'. Year, it's not treated or refined, so i guess it's healthier in that 'organic foods' sense, but it's still SUGAR.

TeenerTot
I'm using wheat flour because i couldn't find the oat flour. I had passed out in the baking aisle and when I came to, I could only raise my bony head as high as the bottom shelf. Where the wheat flour is.

Here, I'm using my one egg for the month.

I don't have toothpicks in my house. I can't stand the competition.
Rum Revenge
Some evil force lobotomized Alton Brown and put his brain in a lady body!
dora's cough
inverted-value paula deen

Slagathor
Don't forget to make yourself throw up after you eat for extra calorie loss.
Hooker
"You can make everything exactly as you want to make it."

What a lame aphorism.
Seris
She's what giants had in mind when the expression "I'll grind your bones to make my bread" came around.



Also I don't need the attitude lady. Just make the fucking bread already.
DrVital
# anyone having a weekend get together & need snack ideas? get help w/ my exclusive @PepperidgeFarm recipes: bakednaturals.com #spon

8:25 AM Mar 25th via HootSuite
dead_cat
Semi-sweet is not dark, you fucking moron. It's still more sugar and oil than chocolate.

dead_cat
More ADDED fat, I mean. Chocolate is not a low-fat food.

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