or save money in gas by not driving to the store just to get a one-liter of generic, store-brand soda.

yus. you can feed a family more effectively with soda!

i grumble about my cigs but then i remember that they are bad for me.

Some stars, too.

Shut up.

Why not say "Fuck you for blah blah blah?" I don't know if you've heard, but they have this shit called water that's even cheaper than Hi-C and doesn't make your kids into toothless fatsos.

Anti-tax commercials funded by big corporations but funneled through an ad agency known for blatant lies and propaganda also suck.

Hi-C is for richers, man; low-income people can only drink Dr. Thunder! They splurge on Dr. Pepper on birthdays and Christmas only. Oh, and low-income people are stupid, so they don't know any better!

I was raised on welfare and I wasn't allowed to eat a potato chip until I was six years old. And I don't think I had a soda until I was probably twelve or thirteen.

But for real, what kind of chucklehead still uses the word "elitest" in an attempted serious discussion past the age of fourteen?

Elitist? I've taught children who've had soda in their sippy cups growing up and now have over half their teeth missing or replaced because all they eat is crap and no one makes them brush their teeth. I'm all for class warfare against the rich, but goddamn, these ridiculous stereotypes are sadly more prevalent than you think. Soda is goddamn liquid candy, and its about time it was treated as such--not an absolute necessity for any family budget.

water? that shit don't taste like corn syrup and caramel coloring!

So are taxes against smokes and booze and gambling and porno and shit taxes against low-income people?

The Man should tax things that are non-essential, non-healthy, and designed solely for profit.

Your body needs water, so drink that shit.

I don't like vice taxes either, but the libertarian schadenfreude is worth it.

your assumption that everyone's talking about poor people when we talk about fatty soda drinking kids is classist!

I WIN AT INTERNET

ALSO NAZIS

I apparently had nothing to say.

By which I mean "Thanks, shadowy front organization for the American Beverage Association!"

It's simple economics. You give the lobbyists government jobs. Then they subsidize their industries and hike duties on higher-quality imported products that might compete with theirs. Then, once the government realizes that its left hand is shoveling out money to industries under the guise of "creating jobs," it uses its right hand to tax the lower class for buying the stuff. Eventually the wealth trickles down like soda from the lips of a toothless child.

Oh, and the corporations are allowed to make propaganda, which is protected speech, and a bunch of misguided people think they're patriots for believing in it. After enough time, the invisible hand of the market corrects a pesky inefficiency that was preventing the corporations from directly participating in elections. The system works!