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Desc:Skip to 2:20. Stay tuned for surprising reveal at the end!
Category:Crime
Tags:cunnilingus, twist ending, cwc, Chris-Chan, thats not how you do that
Submitted:Smellvin
Date:04/22/10
Views:7652
Rating:
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Favorited 13 Times

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Comment count is 87
lucienpsinger - 2010-04-22
I believe that's the first time I've literally cowered in fear before a Chris-Chan video, and that's coming from a man who's watched him fuck a blow-up anime love doll.
Scynne - 2010-04-22
Wait, what? What? What did you just say? What? WHAT??!?!!

lucienpsinger - 2010-04-22
Do you really wanna know? Google "chris-chan sextape" and it's the first result. He's pretending his sex doll is someone named Julie, and so you get audio like this:

"Mm! Julie. Julaaay! [schlorp schlorp schlorp] Mm! You like that, dontcha Julie?"

Obviously, it's the most NSFW thing ever. Just play it in another tab/window but don't watch. You still get all the hilarious audio without quite so much naked Chris-chan.

"You take that like a good bad girl. [schlorp schlorp] Julaay! JULAAAAAY!"

Nikon - 2010-04-22
You don't need to look at that recording. You really don't.

Doomstein - 2010-04-23
Nikon speaks the truth.

baleen - 2010-04-23
grotesquely pantomimed cunnilingus week?

Repomancer - 2010-06-29
He's not naked during the sex tape. He's wearing socks.

rustedmutt - 2010-04-22
This cannot be unseen.
HarrietTubmanPI - 2010-04-22
Christ. Where the hell do you even begin with this.
Pillager - 2010-04-22
You call Region Ten & talk about committing him.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2010-04-30
I think it's more than time.

Though these videos tell me that the mental health authorities MUST be overwhelmed if he hasn't been committed by now.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2010-04-30
oh and I stopped watching this at 2:30. Judging from the reactions, I made it out just in time. Watching Chris Chan videos feels like that movie Descent where the woman is making it out of the cave, gets in her car and drives the fuck out, only to wake up in the fetal position as horrible monsters are about to eat her.

Nikon - 2010-04-22
Oh. Oh God.
Doctor Arcane - 2010-04-22
Wow. Just wow. The middle. The ending. OMG.
APE_GOD - 2010-04-22
Holyee shit.

The ending is like seeing a pile up car accident happen. Like, he just keeps upping the ante with every action he takes almost as if he were a David Lynch villain. He takes off the Mount-and-Do-Me shirt to reveal that that....just wow.



Nikon - 2010-04-22
It starts off with him talking about his past "girlfriends on the internet" with softcore anime/manga porn in plain sight, and then it gets worse. And worse. And worse.

Hooper_X - 2010-04-22
Oh my god.

Is this new pretend-girl named Jackie or Ivy? Because he seems to swap between the two names.

(Who am I kidding, it's Chris-Chan. You could call your fake girl Tits McWethole and he'd still believe you.)
APE_GOD - 2010-04-22
Flawless.

Doctor Arcane - 2010-04-22
I kind of figured Ivy was her Cosplay or Furry name or some shit.

Rovin - 2010-04-22
It was apparently a real girl who responded to a personal ad he'd placed in a local alt newspaper. She encouraged him to go stand up to the guy at that game place. He sent her the video, she got pissed about the obvious antisemitism, and, ultimately in his ultimate wisdom, he HIMSELF sent her to Cwckipedia - the "troll" site, not his own site. After that, her responses to him were little more than a frustrated, indignant, angry roar.

Rudy - 2010-04-22
I'm pretty sure he's being trolled again. Mainly because I've seen the ad. And in the emails, she asked him about all the shit the trolls needle him about.

The man in the pickle suit tricked him again.

*sigh*

APE_GOD - 2010-04-22
Wait wait.

The man in the pickle suit came BACK?!

MaulLove - 2010-04-22
To Chris it's always the man in the pickle suit.

dead_cat - 2010-04-23
I hope somebody eventually works up the boredom to have someone don a pickle suit and deliver a birthday card/sing a birthday message to Chris-chan.

Doomstein - 2010-04-23
Some troll in a pickle suit broke up his blind date one time. He literally walked up to them in a pickle suit and stole her away.

dead_cat - 2010-04-23
Awesome.

Yellow Lantern - 2010-04-22
If only I had some 3-D glasses.
K. Brass - 2010-04-22
I think I need to call a rape crisis number after watching this. I feel... dirty.
urbanelf - 2010-04-22
Abandon all hope all ye who enter here.
Louis Armstrong - 2010-04-22
HAWT!! Hawt vomit going up my throooblaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
glasseye - 2010-04-22
Horror upon horror!
Feyd - 2010-04-22
Oh no
Oh no
Oh no
Udderdude - 2010-04-22
Living train wreck status upgraded to train wreck plus airliner crashing into the ground while a flash flood, earthquake and tornado occur all at the same time.
erratic - 2010-04-22
Don't let the good times pass you byyyyyyyy.

-a message from the church of jesus christ of latter day saints
kingofthenothing - 2010-04-22
He just needs to go to jail one good time.
KnowFuture - 2010-04-22
Honestly more than anything I'm surprised he has a cellphone and people call him on it. Unless he staged that part.

He's been under confusion for a little while, indeed.
KnowFuture - 2010-04-22
Typed the above before I got to the part with the....thing. At the end. Dear god why.

Rovin - 2010-04-22
They put his cell number right on troll sites, thus the question probably isn't "Why would anyone call him?" but, "You mean there's times when the thing ISN'T ringing?"

Apparently he pissed the Michael guy that runs that store off with his "Michael is prejudiced against Autistic people and you should harass him" graphic that he figured giving out Chris's phone number was fair play.

Monkey Napoleon - 2010-04-22
His novelty shirt is distracting me with mental images of him seeing it on the rack at WalMart and saying "Mount and Do Me" in his "special" drawl, followed by his delightfully autistic giggle wh.... OH MY GOD MY EYES SOMEONE HAND ME A SPOON
BHWW - 2010-04-22
I watched it and now...now...nothing will ever be right again.
Macho Nacho - 2010-04-22
It's like watching a piece of Hell.
klingerbgoode - 2010-04-22
somebody call the lobotomobile
boner - 2010-04-22
My rape horn went off by itself
Nikon - 2010-04-22
Chatroulette this sumbitch _now_. I can't wait to see the reaction videos.
revdrew - 2010-04-22
He's going to be raping babies on camera some day at this rate.
Magical Man from Happy-Land - 2010-04-22
SHOW US YER TITS
Riskbreaker - 2010-04-22
....and the abyss stared back.
kingarthur - 2010-04-22
Five for you.

Also, I choose to bury my head in the sand and believe all of it, from beginning to end, is just some elaborate piece of performance art.

I don't think it'll help me sleep, but here's hoping.

voodoo_pork - 2010-04-22
The Anti-Boner equation has been found. This video should be banned by the Geneva Convention.
charmlessman - 2010-04-22
Welp, good bye, penis. We had a good run.

Hay Belly - 2010-04-22
My vagina sewed itself shut.


The McK - 2010-04-22
Behold, Lord Darkseed.

Cleaner82 - 2010-04-22
I'm glad you're with me voodoo_pork.

Here, at the end of all things.

rev.dinosaur - 2010-04-22
Can you imagine that?

Well? Can you?
mashedtater - 2010-05-19
its sitting here mocking all that i know is good and decent so while i want it to not be true...

there it fucking is.

thebaronsdoctor - 2010-04-22
So many things...The shirt...The juvenile snicker in his voice when he talks about sex...The bra...Ness it hurts
StanleyPain - 2010-04-22
Once again, my reaction to this:
http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=77349
pastorofmuppets - 2010-04-22
OH GOD THE SHIRT
OH GOD THE SHIRT
OH GOD
THE SHIRT
charmlessman - 2010-04-22
I literally had to scroll the screen down while he demonstrated his "skills". I couldn't watch. It was just *hurk* It was *hurk*...
OK, I can't even think about it.
pastorofmuppets - 2010-04-22
aaaand it looks like all the CWC haters went home, huh? that's because this is not a video to be trifled with.
spikestoyiu - 2010-04-22
Don't tempt them.

Mr. Bad Example - 2010-04-22
I got to the part where he starts demonstrating his oral "skills" and I...I blacked out and woke up on a pile of human skulls. The sun had turned black and a hidden children's choir was chanting in blasphemous Latin.

So, basically, Thursday.
ItsAboutTime - 2010-04-22
Wow, easily the best chris chan video in a year... Still, fuck the trolls. This guy needs some serious life coaching.
manfred - 2010-04-22
and by "life coaching", you obviously mean 50 mg of haloperidol and 2 mg of methylphenidate per day

Old People - 2013-04-22
Yes, give him some amphetamines. That's exactly what the boy needs.

Ghoul - 2010-04-22
Oh my god.
pastorofmuppets - 2010-04-22
Depressing subtext: he's advertising his tongue skills because you could use his dick to crank start an old-timey automobile. I wish I was kidding, and I wish I didn't know things about CWC's wiener, but there you go.
dead_cat - 2010-04-22
And yet, ODDLY ENOUGH, Chris-chan continues to be a virgin. What self-respecting girl wouldn't want to get it on with an unemployed, unwashed, obese, manbra-needing, semi-retarded virgin who has a lump of twisted, malformed gristle where his dick should be?


APE_GOD - 2010-04-22
Jesus Christ. Why did you say that. WHY? DON'T PUT THOSE WORDS TOGETHER ITS NOT COOL OKAY

Hooker - 2010-04-22
Chris-chan is the greatest Internet celebrity of all time.
bac - 2010-04-22
Balls.
CharlesSmith - 2010-04-22
How did he do it? How did he top himself again? After all this time? After all the things he's done? HOW? HOW? HOW?

If this is fake, he must have a goddamn TEAM of writers working around the clock.
bopeton - 2010-04-22
King of all trolls does it again.
pastorofmuppets - 2010-04-23
I hope God will forgive you, JEW

Enjoy - 2010-04-23
My troll radar is one of the best on the planet. If Chris-Chan is a troll he was born a troll and started trolling as a toddler.

Xero - 2010-04-23
It was good and then my mind literally went blank at 4:33.
Somebody get Smellvin a medal. He just won the internet.
Jet Bin Fever - 2010-04-24
I just woke up my whole apartment building.
themilkshark - 2010-04-29
The fucking sports bra.
dododge - 2010-04-30
If it weren't for that old news footage of him as a kid, this is the point where I'd finally stop believing he's real.

Hooper_X - 2010-04-30
God's lonely man.
Repomancer - 2010-06-29
Somebody stop me before I make a new L4D2 spray . . . halp
HP Lovesauce - 2010-09-20
HOLEESHIT.
fluffy - 2010-10-31
D: D: D:
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2010-11-04
Which one of you guys is pretending to Jackie?
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2010-11-04
^be

NewHeavenSalesman - 2012-04-22
How did I not rate this.

Also, leave it to Chris to take the term "meat curtains" as a literal concept.
DavidBowiesLuckyTennisBall - 2014-04-22
Four more years
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