Incoming message from the big giant head.
I didn't know Jesus was so spiteful and grammatically awkward.
I always figured the son of god as a L4D player.
This is one of his reply's on his own video
When I was still living in sin. One day a demon came to me. It was broad daylight. I was listening to some unholy music. He came upon me with great force. He wanted to posses me. I gnashed my teeth as he held me in his grasp. I felt what he wanted to do. But I resisted. I remembered what I have heard of Jesus. I sad to him : "Get lost, in the name of Jesus. Get lost." He did laugh at me. But anyway he left. What you say is true. Demons are afraid of people crying out for Jesus.
Replyed by Bamboorules: Wow!! That really happend? Remember satan will not attack you if you are not a threat! Jesus Bless you!! I pray you will stay repented
Satan is more afraid of you than you are of him!
Hang food and anything with strong odors out of the reach of Satan, if possible (at least ten feet above the ground and five feet from the tree trunk). If no trees are available, store your food in airtight or specially designed Satan-proof containers!
Avoid surprising Satan at close range. If you are hiking through bear country, make your presence known, particularly where the terrain or vegetation makes it hard to see. Make noise, sing, talk loudly, or wear a bell.
One myth is that Satan is attracted to the scent of a menstruating woman. Satan experts say that is rumor, not fact.
If you spot Satan and Satan is unaware of you, detour quickly and quietly away.
Never run from Satan. Running may elicit a chase from an otherwise non-aggressive Satan, and since they can run faster than 30 mph, you have no chance of outrunning them.
Throw something onto the ground (like a camera) if Satan pursues you, as he may be distracted by this and allow you to escape.
It wasn't Satan. It was his stepdad.
Before youtube, this guy was standing in a street corner wearing a sandwich board with "repent! for the end is nigh" written on it. It's great he doesn't have to leave his house anymore. Plus he totally reaches more people with the gift from God that is the internet.
|Billy the Poet |
It is so convenient that Jesus hates all of this things that I hate.
"YOU KNOW WHAT A LOVE LETTER IS, FUCKER?" -Jesus
|Rodents of Unusual Size |
My youth pastor used to get messages from Jesus and God that he would tell our group. He would get these messages while playing the guitar after going into a trancelike state and playing after we would hold up our hands in prayer for a really long time. He was our very own oracle; though apparently God's telephone was really vague and he wouldn't be able to pinpoint who exactly the messages were for other than "someone in this room".
I should mention that he also told stories of how he did tons of drugs when he was young and occasionally had acid flashbacks, and he never made a connection between the two. Which I'm sure were totally unrelated.
yes yes yes.
This one will be around for a while.
And things will only get better.
Why can't Jesus get his own YouTub account?
Gee, I hope he got some sleep.
And Jesus needs to talk to his people in HR. They're not screening their applicants very well.
Oh how gray ODB?
Oh how gray ODB. How gray. ODB... Ol' Dirty Bastard! Ol' Dirty Bastard also went by the name Big Baby Jesus. A big baby is another word for what? A whiner, that's right! Wine! And what did Jesus convert into wine? Nothing gets by you, my heterosexual life-mate! But gray water? What are we missing? Gray, gray, gr-- Old? Old water? No, stagnant water! Off to the old Smithson Swamp, chum, and bring your alligator repellent!
Billy the Poet
Big baby jesus I cant wait yo fuck nigga I cant WAAAIT!
Jesus drunk dials a kid.
Is this VenomFangX's kid brother?
They're both batshit crazy messianic Jews, so maybe.
The Pizza Israel is soon!
Oh, neat. Jesus got us all dinner. Pizza Israel makes a quality pie, too. Just don't ask for pepperoni.
When Jesus has a message for me at 5:00 AM I normally let it go to the answering machine.
That message was for ME!!!
Jesus personally delivered this message to some kid at 5am so he'd post a video to YouTube which would be found by a frequenter of poeTV, who would submit it to the hopper where no less than 6 people voted it up so that when I was getting bored at work I'd watch this video and get this message that was specifically made for ME!!!
And now that I've heard it... Meh.
What's a "deep prairie quest?"
What dkind of spee-ch imedipent does he dhave?
|Jet Bin Fever |
I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't threaten to shoot us with a cannon or blow us up in an elevator.
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