|Dr Dim |
John Malkovich being broke = awesome action movie villains
|K. Brass |
Jonah Hex isn't a necromancer. He's just a bad ass cowboy.
I'd been wondering how they were going to screw this up. It's such a great, simple concept in its original form, you just knew some douchebag exec was going to come along and poop on it.
The best part is how at no point in the trailer do his new superpowers appear to serve any useful purpose.
I like how every one-liner in this movie seems to basically boil down this way:
Bad guy: Gawrsh, y'all shore is uglah!
(Hex shoots him)
Hex: Now it is you who is ugly. And dead.
Hey, they also have
Megan Fox: I am hot.
Other dude: Are you really hot?
Megan Fox: Yes I am really hot.
Megan Fox: They took all my weapons.
Johna Hex: Even the one in your vagina?
Megan Fox: ESPECIALLY the one in my vagina!!
I guess they decided "Native American puts hot tomahawk on cowboys face" wasn't going to fly as a backstory.
Gatling Horse! If he never got off the horse and never spoke, I might watch this movie.
5 stars for 1:44 and 1:44 alone.
From Lt. Daniels to guy with an anachronistic gun store.
Gatling guns on a horse? A rotating cannon turret on an Ironclad. Mini hand held crossbows that shoot sticks of dynamite!
Hot damn and a super-powered cowboy!
Must see movie of the summer!
stars for the Gatling horse.
|WHO WANTS DESSERT |
The icing on the shit cake is that according to the official synopsis the villain is a "dangerous terrorist"
where is Ben Kingsley in this?
Neveldine/Taylor were muscled out of Jonah Hex.
And now this exists.
Let that be a lesson, World.
Not going to rate this, because the fact that they've taken a great character with a simple concept and completely fucked it up is evil, but I just can't give it stars.
That being said, this is a bit like what happened to Hex after he died in the comics, when they stuffed his corpse, out it in a singing cowboy costume, and put it in a Wild West Museum.
Put in a singing cowboy outfit. Damn typo.
You care WAY too much. Just way too much. Stop caring so much!
About the typo, or Jonah Hex?
Well that's just ... damn. I need to go cry now.
If i had a hole in my mouth like that, i would be wanting to stick my tounge through it all the time.
I'm not really all that familiar with Jonah Hex. Can someone explain how they're fucking this up?
The way I hear tell, morally-ambiguous gunfighters are an established genre with an awful lot of really good movies already, so right out of the gate, this movie is superfluous. But then they go the extra step of not making use of the known successful techniques of the genre.
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