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Desc:Spaceship crashes into heaven? Sexy angel navigates the perils of paradise? Made by real Christians.
Category:Trailers, Video Games
Tags:games, Heaven, christians, wtf america, Sexy Christian Angels
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Comment count is 31
How many teenage church prisoners of their parents are gonna spank it to that sexy saint? Truly, God's work.

I hope to track this game down without having to directly pay the makers. If anyone has a lead on it, let me know.
White People Heaven.
Heaven, you mean. No need to qualify it, we all know there's just white people there.

I was thinking that this looked a lot like the foyer at Bellagio. Then it hit me:

Heaven or Las Vegas? Heaven IS Las Vegas!

Also: Aslan!

why can't Christian game developers find someone with enough artistic skill to not make their characters look like a barely animated Barbie dolls? Subject matter and game play aside, it's creepy to have to look at that thing's dead eyes.
it is the kendra wilkinson model.

Or plunk in the same music that every high school film arts kid ever has used.

How about some music other than the most overused trailer song ever?

Jet Bin Fever
Christians just like their boobs Double-D, baby.

Adham Nu'man
This looks awesome.
Bayonetta had more style for a game about angels.

5 stars for never once saying what the hell (no pun intended!) is going on in this game.
You TOTALLY intended that pun.

So you have to kill everything in Heaven?
I had a "I wouldn't mind navigating her perils of paradise" lined up but then she had to go and look like a cheap living-doll knockoff.

Christmas in heaven just wasn't what I expected.
So I'm assuming these good Christians actually PAID to use O Fortuna, yes? Because the Carl Orff estate is pretty anal when it comes to getting paid for using that particular piece of music and they hate it when people do shit like this.
Architeuthis Tux
I found myself wondering if the folks who cut this trailer had any idea what the words in the music mean.

Extra amusing points for using the same recording of Ormandy that everyone else in the history of bombastic 'cinema' has used.

Why doesn't anyone ever use Carmina Catulli?


A flashy website, with absolutely nothing on it. It's like a high school project.
He's right. If you combine all the text from every page, there's 3 sentences.

If you go to http://www.heaventhegame.com/ they have 'actual gameplay' footage. It's a series of clips, none of which last more than 2 seconds, I think it's a puzzle game along the lines of Myst from what I can tell.

Gameplay clip 2 just shows Sexy Saint walking on water doing unnecessary twirls, and Gameplay clip 3 doesn't actually exist.
The part that makes me the happiest about this, is that the developers, while trying to push Christian values, decided to/are COMPLETELY ignorant of the second fucking commandment.

Way to heresy, guys. Way to heresy.
decided to *ignore*

What does this have to do with the right to bear arms.

We bought this game, and played it. It is about 1 hour long. It is almost unbelievable. Heaven is completely empty except for your creepy sexy grandmother. Seriously, that hot chick is your angelfied grandmother.

When you beat the game it quotes some bible at you and then the credits roll. Its insane.
So, how does the spaceship factor into things? Or the stone lion? Or the cleavage?

Sudan no1
They had to throw in a Hot Grandma to appeal to the Trailer Park demo.

Am I right in assuming it's a Myst clone?

Basically nothing in the game makes any sense, and its obviously barely completely and cobbled together. You are on the spaceship at first, then I guess it wrecks and you are either dead or rescued by your hot grandma.

Most of those words don't begin with aleph, you dumb assholes.
Wow, I know "O Fortuna" sounds big and powerful and majestic, but damn that's a poor choice of music for a game that's supposed to be taking place in a perfect paradise.
Heaven: totally not boring as fuck anymore. Honest.
needs more lens flares
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