Because the worst natural disasters we get are very strong winds that blow over garbage cans and so much snow we have to take a day off that when something remotely unusual comes along we have to milk it for all the drama it's worth.

Woke me up in Cincinnati. Well, halfway awake.

Felt rumble, just grumbled and went back to bed figuring it was a semi truck. I live off of a busy road so semi trucks buzzing me at the wee hours are common fare. I do recall wondering in my haze just what the Hell kind of truck -that- was.

OH NOES A 5.0!!!! IT ALMOST KNOCKED OVER MY CHAIR!!!!

Pussies.

For the end.

Canadians are strange looking.

I remember the "great Seattle quake" of '01. I was walking to work and the quake didn't even cause me to slow my stride. My actual thought, seeing the trees and buildings shake, was "oh good, it's just an Earthquake. I'm not passing out." It was really very minor, especially compared to what you fuckers in the rest of the world saw on the news.

Yuppie cunts ran out of buildings frantically getting on their cell phones. Yuppie cunts were on the verge of tears. I was laughing at them, until I realized how genuinely affected people were (read: wanted themselves to be affected).

Then at work, a yuppie cunt came in, and when I asked her how she fared in the quake, she loudly told me, "WE WERE SCARED! THE CHANDELIER WAS" (she gestured wildy here) "SWINGING . . . LIKE . . . THIS!" I pretended I cared about her scary chandelier.

It was mostly scared, overacting yuppie cunts that day. Midway through, the construction crew from the condo project behind the store came in, laughing and patting each other on the back, talking about how they "almost ate it" off their sixth story scaffold. They'd barely stopped working when it passed.

Then more yuppie cunts. I kissed their asses and pretended concern.

An old man I'd seen before came in during the last hours of my shift, and bought then scratched his twenty scratch tickets near the counter. A panicky yup bitch who obviously knew him stopped on the way out, put her hand on his shoulder, and asked with great concern, "how did you do in the quake, Walt?"

He looked up like he was surprised by the question, and said, "I thought it was cool!"

I learned a lot about people that day.

Yuppie cunts will overreact.

News agencies will exaggerate.

Old men are sometimes very cool.

Then for the rest of the day, whenever someone mentioned the quake, I told them I thought the quake was fucking cool.



Also, fuck you Canada.

When I get hit by earthquakes, I laugh. And I laugh harder at the foolish weaklings who are frightened by these ridiculous events. This is because I am an earthquake bouncer. HAH HAH, nice try, EARTH. Where's your wristband?

AND WE'RE ALL FREAKING OUT BECAUSE WE HAVE NEVER HAD AN EARTHQUAKE IN QUEBEC NEVER EVER EVER

Ehhh, I think we DID have one...

Yep my local newspapers had a hard time coming up with sensational headlines, seeing as nobody was hurt and nothing was damaged (though I would think some home owners are going to make false claims) But they tried, oh how they tried.

Masaokis is probably buried under a mountain of garbage right now

Oh, CanadaaaaAAAAA!

I live in the Bay fucking Area and we get minor earthquakes all the time.

Just a couple weeks ago we had a tremble.

It vas bomb. Moose and squirrel are finally ded.