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Desc:Look how hard it is to crack an egg without this miracle!
Category:Advertisements, Crime
Tags:idiots, eggs, bumbling, EZ Cracker, people actually pay for this shit
Submitted:RocketBlender
Date:07/10/10
Views:1620
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Resubmit:joelkazoo

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Comment count is 47
Cube
Why do they always hire retards who can't manage a thing to act in the beginning of these commercials?
La Loco
Retards that can't manage anything is their target audience.

RocketBlender
La Loco is spot on. I mean, it's a product to help you effectively crack an egg. People who can't do anything right are the only ones this company wants to associate with.

La Loco
Finally, something we can agree on Rocketblender. :) Maybe we can has a cheezeburger later. ;)

Candlejackv616
Needs a "Bumbling" tag.

RocketBlender
I can haz olive branch?

BHWW
When I first saw this a while back, I thought it just HAD to be a parody of the sort of commercials for cheap-o, gimmicky "labor saving" gadgets and tools that don't seem really practical. But no...
Colonel Cowlung
If you can't crack an egg, your muffins and meringues have bigger problems to worry about.
Killer Joe
"DAMMIT CLARE! THE DAMN HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE MUFFINS AGAIN!?!"

boner
I always figure these seemingly-useless gadgets are actually some kind of secret sex toy that only insiders know about, and the whole commercial is written in code words.
SolRo
The "waterproof back massagers" have that one covered.

Aubrey McFate
I saw that episode of Mad Men too!

IrishWhiskey
The only actual use this thing could have, is quickly peeling hardboiled eggs. However, every time they "demonstrate" that use, they do a quick cut from the crack, to the finished product. Its the only time in the ad they do so. In other words out of its two uses, one is pointless and the other doesn't work.
azazel
You wrote it before I could.

glasseye
If the shell is sticking your eggs are probably too fresh for hard boiling. Wait a few days and it'll be much easier.

Senator_Unger
Remember that time we invented powered human flight? Where did *those* inventors go?
SolRo
the patent and distribution process is so expensive that they either sell their good invention to a company or work for a company that gets all rights and profit from the invention

Aubrey McFate
They exist, they just don't make infomercials for undersexed housewifes.

Senator_Unger
Now I really want to see the Wright Brothers do an infomercial for undersexed housewives.

phalsebob
That's great Phil, but I can't turn my stove on without setting my head on fire. Do you have something for that?!
Phil
Well I have this flame retardant gel we use for stunts, I guess you could use it as styling gel.
I'm not sure why you're asking me though.

athodyd
The odd thing about the Bacon Wave is that in some situations it actually behaves more like a particle


memedumpster
Bacon Bits according to information theory.

Redlof
No way in hell that cheap piece of plastic actually works. For every 12 eggs they filmed at least 11 of them probably got all over the place.
Sundry
You know what? Kudos to whoever came up with the design. It is a nice, simple and useful. There is no much market for it outside informercials, but I'm not going to mock.

Five stars for the separator idea alone.

Document
Yeah, it's a nice design, but it's a dad invention. Like when your dad disappears out to his workshop and returns two days later, holding his newest invention aloft.

"What does it do, dad?" - "It only CRACKS FUCKING EGGS." And he demonstrates it over the kitchen sink and it works 2 out of 5 times, and the family politely claps and dad looks very proud of himself. And then he drops it into the knife-and-fork drawer, everyone forgets about it and you end up giving it away as a "quirky" Christmas present.

That's the EZ Cracker, but on a national scale. It's a cool little machine! It probably does what it says it will! It's a pretty clever design! It's really very charming! But, like all dad inventions, it's essentially pointless.

Aubrey McFate
Man, I am a shitty cook, and I have baked like two things in my life, and I still know how to crack a fucking egg.
mashedtater
i barely know what a stove is, but for fucks sake ive never made a muffin with eggshells in it

Camonk
"Separating eggs are a nightmare"

GERUNDS CAN'T BE PLURALS YOU MONGS

Unless you're using "separating" as an adjective in which case you're right, separating eggs tear whole families apart.
Scynne
I love you, Camonk.

ogmisce
this comment gets five stars

fluffy
The healthiest bacon
oddeye
God everything is just so damn hard these days!
kennydra
i'm gonna go perform some tests in my kitchen to see just how hard you have to smash and egg against the side of a pan to get it to spill all over the stove like that.
Caminante Nocturno
I'm going to my local bakery tomorrow so I can yell about crunchy eggshells ruining those muffins.

I expect to be thrown out.
Sanest Man Alive
I noticed none of those twits could actually wipe up their spilled eggs, either. Maybe they should've bundled some relabeled chamoises or such to sweeten the deal, because it's 1:1 odds their target audience is all equipped with Bacon Waves already.
Jeriko-1
Saw a citrus juicer at the store today. A metal hinged clamp that squeezes halved oranges, lemons, etc.

Only 19.95!

I'll just squeeze them with my arthritic talons, thank you.


cognitivedissonance
You crack it on a flat surface, NOT ON THE RIM OF THE BOWL.

Jesus.

You'd think that with all those funds they're taking out of arts education they could at least put it into home economics.
astropod five
If I had to crack like a hundred eggs at once a thing like this would be useful.
RocketBlender
I dunno. It looks like it would take more time to get the egg in and the empty shells out than it would to crack an egg. If you needed to crack that many for something, you could always just crack them all, then pass it through a strainer or something afterwards to separate any shells you think you got in there. This thing is just plain useless.

Suedeo
okay, okay, okay, okay.... So say I had to crack a hundred eggs in rapid succession, twice a day, five days a week (holidays off) WHAT THEN

JimL2
FUCK FUCKING EGGSHELLS

GODDAMMIT

FINALLY THERES A PRODUCT TO SHOW THOSE FUCKING EGGSHELLS THEIR PLACE
Rudy
No, sir, I can safely say I have never once done that.
eatenmyeyes
This ad could really do with an Edith Massey cameo.
joelkazoo
She's been dead since 1984, but with the wonders of CGI, it could happen (like those freaky dead-eyed Orville Reddenbacher commercials).

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