Nyms Lives! "Hello, twitching oldfetus, how are you today?"
"Hello Grandfather! Just called to remind you that's you're probably going to die soon and will be tortured in one of the many hells by a demonic creature that looks remarkably similar to me. Oh and don't forget to pick Asako up from soccer practice after school."
Man, please tell me they have customized ringtones for this. I'd go with "Screams of the Damned".