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Desc:Recent CBS story about dumb/fat kids unqualified for military service
Category:Military, Horror
Tags:fat, Military, Fat kid, obesity, cbs
Submitted:standard8mm
Date:10/23/10
Views:1855
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Comment count is 45
asian hick
how is that even possible? they'll take ANYONE (except homosexuals)
Xenocide
You could argue that part of this is because the age when the military attracted our best and brightest is long gone. This era of perpetual war has made it so smart kids are a hell of a lot less likely to enlist than they used to, leaving the military left with the dregs.

But on the other hand, nowadays we got video games and you know, cell phones.

cognitivedissonance
The best part of it is that the age of perpetual war was made possible solely BY a removal of the draft, because that would make a swift and decisive victory a key part of the electoral process. Nixon knew this, and by abolishing the draft, he made the Republican party more or less what it is today. If they DID reinstate the draft, they'd be gone in a single election.

Syd Midnight
Such a shock that they're having a tough time convincing the smart kids to volunteer to go step on IEDs in Afghanistan so we can officially finish losing another bullshit Bush war.
kingofthenothing
I had a friend, who, while not very 'smart', is just their type, and all it took for him to not want to join was just one weekend playing Airsoft and realizing just how easy it is to get shot.

FeeFiFoFoTheFifeFifeBrown
America too fat to wage wars of aggression?

Shit, every cloud really does have a silver lining.
spikestoyiu
How is it they haven't invented sand tires for Jazzys yet?
duck&cover
And gun mounts, too.

Pillager
Throw in Tank treads & a flamethrower/bagel warmer, then I'm in.

Senator_Unger
Seriously, baby boomers, assume some goddamn responsibility for once in your lives. If the wars you started are so damn important, why don't you fight them?
John Holmes Motherfucker
Listen, Punk, your turn to look like an asshole will be here before you know it.

Senator_Unger
Actually, I plan to die before I get old.


Rodents of Unusual Size
I know this will piss off a lot of people here but fat kids and video games go together like slick on dog turds.

Seriously, we used to have video games where I work and half of the people asking for them were FAT kids around puberty age or under. Little beach balls, always asking for sports games. Always with the sports games. Go out and play sports if you like them so much you fucking roly poly whiny little bitches, always whiiiining for candy. God, I sucked at sports as a kid and still played outside as much as I could.

Fucking fat kids with their oblivious, blank stares and single minded need for obsessive self indulgence. Like little fat Gollums and shitty snacks and candy are their One True Ring. Fucking parents who don't shame their children and let it happen.


yeahjim
That's some great ranting, but I'm pretty sure that gamers tend to be in better physical (if worse emotional) shape than their reality-dwelling counterparts...

jangbones
Why in the fuck would you think that sitting in front of a monitor gets you in better shape that oh say walking?

VoilaIntruder
Exceptionally vigorous masturbation, it works the cardio.

I guess the good news for the armed forces is we have kids who are pretty much custom built to operate drones/robot space marines.

Jellyneck
I know a guy who never took care of himself and played a ton of video games and used to say that his goal was to die before he was 30.

He's 32 now, and plays starcraft 2 during his lunch breaks.

BorrowedSolution
This is all high-fructose corn syrup's fault.
Pillager
See also McDonalds, Xboxes, not going outside...

My nephews are (d)evolving into Hutts.



Rum Revenge
Watch out that their parents don't get frozen in Carbonite and hung on the wall.

pastorofmuppets
ok calm down

Pillager
@ RR,

No worries.

The oldest is ten & can't figure out a toaster oven.

Raggamuffin
2:00

When did Weird Al start teaching english?
joelkazoo
HA!

It's not just the hair, either! His voice is eerily similar.

twinkieafternoon
When did Weird Al start fighting wars???

Riskbreaker
A remake of Top Gun could fix this problem quickly.
Anaxagoras
Goose! Eject Goose! DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!!!!


Caminante Nocturno
The news is written exclusively for stupid old jerks.
phalsebob
This is the video game era, where I can can kill things and get my petty power rocks off without having to trudge halfway around the world, so fuck you Army!
standard8mm
and you can respawn

kingarthur
Never fear, the US will want to turn this around as military supremacy is the last hope of empire for us and the way they'll do it will be through college tuition.
yeahjim
And then it will fail anyhow, and we'll end up with a pretty well-educated, pretty well-adjusted population ready to contribute meaningfully and cooperatively to the future.

Sheah, and monkeys will fly out of my butt.

Unmerciful Crushing Force
Don't we have the Predator drones to make up for this?
Dread Pirate Roberts
My thought is: Recruit the physically unfit, then make them fit. After they sign up, they're yours. Make them run ten miles a day and I guarantee within a few months they'll be fighting soldiers. This video has the assumption that fat people stay fat. Not true.
Lan Tianhe
it seems so obvious that one wonders why the army didnt think of it

Raggamuffin
The military used to have a kind of "fat camp" program for just this purpose. Basically an extra 4 months or so of pure weight loss PT to get fat recruits into shape before boot camp. Probably so people couldn't dodge the draft by eating themselves obese.

A few years ago they ended the program because people were joining the army, not to serve their country, but as a weight loss program. So these days they figure if you really want to be a soldier, you can lose weight on your own.

Additionally, no matter how much people run, it won't make them smarter.

boner
So when the whole world gets fat, it will lead to world peace, and solve overpopulation. So let's drop Twinkies on the middle east.
twinkieafternoon
Heh heh...

I own stock in the manufacturing of Twinkies...

Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Why not recruit the fatties and dummies as human shields or mine detonators?
wtf japan
I'm pretty sure my friends joined the military precisely because they played too many video games.
memedumpster
What if someone declared war on no one showed up because of Golden Corral's Tuesdays Half Price Bonanza every Tuesday from noon to six! Come on by today and eat some peace!
Old_Zircon
I knew a guy who was too thin to get into the army back in the mid 90s. He weighed 107lb and they had a 110lb minimum.
bluebeetle
Me too, guy had a thyroid problem. All he ever wanted was to fight for his country like his dad, but they wouldn't take him. He's run marathons in almost every state of the nation, and he bikes and swims constantly. He scored a defence contracting gig recently with the air force, but it's like a silver medal to him. He's depressed about it.

read_a_tv
Of everything in this video to obsess on, you people just glazed over General WILLIAM WALLACE?! For shame.
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