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Desc:fantasy cliches pew pew pew (tiny gameplay clip) giant shoulderpads more fantasy cliches end
Category:Video Games, Horror
Tags:blizzard, diablo, demon hunter, chris metzen, teenage fanfiction
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Comment count is 51
Caminante Nocturno

That is one nicely toned and rendered demon ass.

Oh Blizzard, you could give away your games and you'd still have more money than quality lines of dialogue.
pressed peanut sweepings
I swear I remember Blizzard's writing being not quite so shitty back in the day.
You misremember. Blizzard's games tend to be well above average in most regards, but their writing has always been cliched and derivative at best.

pressed peanut sweepings
I never remembered it as being good, but this shit is way worse than anything found in the warcraft 2, diablo or starcraft instruction booklets.

at that point, blizzard didn't have to worry as much about continuity, so their withered imaginations could roam relatively far. Now that they have continuity, the only buyers that are actually going to care about the plot are the people that love these sorts of hackneyed plots and would get mad if someone mispronounced the ancestral home of the necromancers.

pressed peanut sweepings
people like me...that's kind of a downer

I disagree with both points, they were shitty a long time ago, but they're worse now. Starcraft II had the worst writing yet, I laughed, at least, during every other cutscene.

Ugh. Lines that bad are beyond parody.

"You always have a choice."
"I stand alone."
"As long as they keep coming, I'll keep KILLING!"

Fuck you, Blizzard.
What really got me was the two variations on "hunt or be hunted" happening in a three minute video.

It's the fantasy equivalent of that guy at the party who tries to insinuate his career into every conversation possible.

I like how every one of those examples is contradicted, but the cliche-o-matic spat them out so IN THEY GO!

Fuck off, that ruled.
happy thirteenth birthday dude, i got you the keys to a shiny new shut the fuck up

hahaha dual fully automatic crossbows jesus christ guys
pressed peanut sweepings
spellcaster masquerading as an archer

That Swamp Goblin had an odd number of teeth, which is characteristic of a BOG Goblin! I am going to write so many letters.


I can be Van Helsing!

Fuck you, victim lady! It's your fault that orc ate your family! You always have a choice because hunters or something.
If they don't learn to help themselves because free market invisible hand of the orcs or something...

"I ran. I didn't have a choice."
"You always have a choice."
"Well yes, being horribly killed and eaten is an option. I wasn't being literal. Not all of us have magic dual auto-crossbows and explosive grenades you stupid bint. Thanks for showing up too late to save my friends and family by the way."

I'm in awe of Blizzards creativity in making new characters by the way. We have a bolt throwing spellcaster, creepy raiser of the dead, close-combat holy warrior, amazon/assassin hybrid and the Barbarian. I'm guessing that the expansion will include a shaman that can shapeshift into his spirit animals and do some nature based spellcasting.

It's her fault for not becoming an entrepreneur and being able to afford those crossbows.

What's the Warcraft equivalent of Ayn Rand?


Yay a new Blizzard game! ow my leg need some help
Pew Pew Pew should be a tag.
So this game is named after one of the top Christian black metal bands.
*Clenches bloody tooth*
Not included in trailer: loads of furious left clicking due to a horribly dumbed-down UI.
No, the clicking is there. The clicking is ALWAYS there.

I was hoping that she was going to coldly kill the girl at the end.

Instead I got some sister bonding shit.
This segment would have been totally redeemed by making the Demon Hunter a straight up asshole. Its the terrible writing trying to convince us she's a hard-edged hero that's makes it insultingly bad.

You always have a choice to not build a giant campfire at night when fleeing pursuers, dummy.
and I know I've mentioned this a dozen times, but honestly how much does it cost to hire some English grad student who's a George RR fan to write something decent? They've stepped beyond cliche to incoherent.

Is it $1000? That would be, what, 0.002% of their budget?

Hiring a proper writer could possibly damage the ego of the programmers who must be the ones writing this dreck.

Yeah that's the only reason I can think of.

Whole clip sounds like some Mary Sue insertion fan-fic written by a 17 year old girl.

5 stars for Uwe Boll levels of ridiculous gymnastic crossbow kata.

Ha... Diablo. An old friend of mine recently tried to make contact under the pretense of forming a group for Diablo III. It was sad. Sorry buddy, but clicking for loot will not forgive you for calling my wife a cum dumpster.

Demon Hunter, or: Blizzard cannot even bother coming up with new class names anymore.
I played Diablo for a few hours and thought it was absolute shit. The Butcher, god what a shitty boss.
The Butcher is a sadistic creature who delights in the torment and suffering of others.

"Ahhhhh... Fresh Meat!"

Please, find this butcher and slay him, so our souls may finally rest...

Caminante Nocturno
I played through all of the first Diablo. The ending, combined with what I had to go through to get it, convinced me never to play another Diablo game for the rest of eternity.

I can see how this would appeal to 14 year old fantasy fans. It sounds like something I wrote in math class.
I don't know anything about the current generation of Blizzard, but the older manuals used to make for some great toilet reading.
pressed peanut sweepings
Thank you. They HAVE gotten much, much worse.

One thing I really liked was how every skill description was an excuse to make up random story bullshit. I remember one skill summary in the Amazon section of the Diablo II manual talked about Amazons on some island fighting off pirates.

pressed peanut sweepings
I think that was for magic arrow, one of the more utilitarian skills of the Amazon.

The warcraft manuals were my introduction to boobies. Ironically the games themselves started me down a path that was very much lacking in the ladies.

I prefer Fate.
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