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Desc:A Mormon time travel movie with complete historical accuracy!
Category:Trailers, Religious
Tags:awful, Mormons, historical revisionism, Nephites, unrealistic in every possible way
Submitted:Rodents of Unusual Size
Date:01/19/11
Views:976
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Comment count is 21
Adham Nu'man
If I recall correctly Mormons believe Native Americans to be jews that came to America in ancient times. There were the good jews and the bad jews, and the bad jews killed and ate the good jews so God punished them and turned their skin red.
augias
Twelfth tribe of israel lived in america, yes. But they were "caucasian" (as in Jesus was caucasian/had the spirit of the elohim who followed jesus from space to the earth) while the redskins were, like the negroes, those with the spirits of the elohim /demons who followed jesus' brother satan) Jesus gave the twelfth tribe of israel a different gospel, after the resurrection, to the word he gave his apostles in jerusalem. Then the redskins killed the tribe off and one dude buried the gospels for Joe Smith to find.

I learned this in a cartoon. It was cool.

Mother_Puncher
Wait so Mormons actually have grounds to think the crazy shit they think because an Israeli tribe did come to America?

Anaxagoras
Yes, that's correct. The israelis were known as Master Shipbuilders in the Ancient World, and even today we don't know how they built ocean-faring ships out of reeds & duct tape.

augias
I'm sorry, was I supposed to express greater sarcasm or something while writing that. I thought the premise would be hint enough...

Spastic Avenger
Even though the last theorists in the 1930s (apart from Robert Heine-Geldern; he's a special case) to write hyperdiffusionist books about the origins of native americans were roundly ridiculed at the time, people still buy into the ancient astronaut/'civilisation is imported' narrative.

Paracelsus
Other version: Convicted conman from a district in New York famous for religious hucksterism bases a bizarre religion on things written on tablets no one else gets to see.

Anaxagoras
The one true religion.
Killer Joe
Demon jew injuns? Hell yeah, boy! That kind of invasion would just make every freeper's heart leap.
Ghoul
"Adding comments has been disabled for this video."

Color me surprised.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
MORMON JESUS
charmlessman
"Mi casa es su casa. That's Spanish."

"What is... Span-nish? You speak in strange, non-American ways."
Spastic Avenger
Oh, Heine-Geldern was writing in the 50s, sorry. I mis-phrased that.
duck&cover
The author whose book this movie is based on also wrote "Tennis Shoes among the Nephites." So you know it has to be good.

Joseph Smith was a prophet, dum dum dum.
Riskbreaker
Going to mormon temples as a visitor was always an adventure, that and they always had hot chicks in them.
erratic
I actually read that book as a mormon youth. don't remember much, it was more forgettable than the book of mormon itself. Also, fake, there were no after effects plugins in ancient america
Aubrey McFate
This movie looks like a real Heimerdinger.
Caminante Nocturno
There's an escape pod in the box marked heimerdingers.

Jet Bin Fever
Just some thoughts here but I want to make sure I got this thing right...

Sooooooooo, Native Americans and some muscly Jews called Nephites fought for a thousand years and then promptly all those lost Jews disappeared, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM, leaving only these natives. Nothing physically proving their existence was ever found either with any archeological digs, but in 1830 or something God told a guy to go and dig and find some magical golden plates and a stone to read them that detailed a really long series of stories about the existence of these people.

It was of course written in an English style very much akin to the King James Version of the old testament and several of the names of the people involved just -happened- to sound similar to geological minerals (IE: Nephrite), and this is just a coincidence and has nothing to do with this man's fascination with geology and stones. Oh, and others were just taken verbatim from Genesis or Exodus... I mean, coincidentally they were umm... yeah. Nevermind.

But anyway, though this angel fellow, named Moroni, which is also coincidentally a capital of a small African nation that is also coincidentally named similarly to the name this prophet fellow gave to the place he "found" the golden plates, so though this angel "secured" the plates and took them back to heaven so that no one can verify their existence outside of the 8 family members and relations that signed a pledge saying they existed, we should still believe that all this is undeniably true.

Oh yeah, and also Jesus was crucified and died, was resurrected, ascended to heaven, then afterward he was all like, "holy shit! Let me go hang out with those OTHER Jews in the new world first... yeah! Cause you know, yeah."
Like I said, I see so logical problems with any of these claims, and I fail to see how it could be the simple musings of a singularly proud and foolish man with no verifiable historical basis.


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