To be fair, the politician joke was solid.

Well, saying that self-assembling / -replicating molecules just suddenly "sparked into life" is a bit misleading. It's a continuum of increasing complexity, where we recognize prions as not alive, cells as alive, and viruses somewhere in between.
More accurately, self-replicating proteins began aggregating into more and more complex assemblies until we had a living cell.

Also, reptiles I don't believe descended from fish, I think they are parallel branches, but I could be wrong.

All terrestrial vertebrates are descended from a clade of lobe-finned fish, so reptiles are descended from fish likes all other tetrapods.

MORE LIEK AB-GAYO--GAYNESES-GAY, AMIRITE?

Nope. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. Can't explain it in a way that makes sense to someone who attended a Christian academy? Then God did it. Unless "God" is just code for "law" meaning the laws of physics that thrust the universe into motion. Christians like the idea of a sky wizard though