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Desc:No mention is made of the man's being a goddamn Dracula.
Category:News & Politics, Fashion
Tags:vampire, fox news, bank, fangs, mortgage
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Comment count is 23
I'm gonna take you to the bank. The blood bank.
Dr Dim
Don't fuck with a lawyer.
Dread Pirate Roberts
Being the living-dead, I'm sure he has time to review laws from the 70s and foreclose his own bank. That's what I'd do with my limitless time. I'd make masterful plans and execute them. Daily... err, nightly.
Corpus Delectable
If banks are going to be foreclosed upon, I want it to be done by fang-wearing goth dorks for the added humiliation factor.
Fox only sees race, gender, social class, religion and political identification. They have no problem with soulless, undead monsters that prey on the weak by sucking the life out of them and turning then into mindless servants. Fox does it all the time and this guy fits in.
Not seen: him being ambushed by a team of vampire hunters outside of the studio, and escaping.
The interviewer saying "Good luck to you." was probably a warning about the ambush.

I lost it at "Hey how are ya?" and the wave... stars for that part alone.
This could of been a perfect Fox or Onion game submission. Why did you waste this submission?!
I don't know, sprawling Wallachian castle for tasteful Bavarian-style Cape Cod seems like a trade down to me. I guess we all went a little crazy during the real estate bubble.
So that's what it takes.
Spike Jonez
I know this guy. His fangs are permanent, and he's got a blood phobia. I never thought he'd be clever enough to do this.
Hammer Falls
Ferret's a shrewd businessman. This almost makes up for him unleashing The CruxShadows upon the world... almost.

I accidentally showed up at Shampoo one night when they were playing. How does a band from Tampa, Florida have British accents?

Hammer Falls
Ha. I did the same thing. It was around the time of "Marilyn, My Bitterness". The raised the entrance fee 50 cents for that night. By my estimation, CruxShadows might have gotten possibly 0.00 that night.

Koda Maja
I vant to sue your bank!
Ah, Patrick. This dude is like forty or so and hosts a weekly goth/industrial night here in Philadelphia by the name of "Nocturne" (don't miss the "Midnight Mosh"!). He really, really loves young girls.
That's a good way to kill time if you're an immortal creature of the night.

Jet Bin Fever
A hero of our generation, and many many generations before as well.
I was expecting a metaphor.
This is the best goddamn thing Fox has ever covered.
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