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Always 5
Stephen Fry and David Mitchell; well that's an easy 5.
The flirtatious looks Stephen gives to both Alan and David are erotic to the extreme. He is LITERALLY Oscar Wilde, and he has to choose between the Welsh, long-haired Bosey and a slightly parakeet shaped, atheist C.S. Lewis.
*moves paw towards cockney*
WHEN'S THE NEXT SEASON COMING OUT? I'M SERIOUS! REALLY JONESIN' HERRRRE...
Using tortoises as food while hunting whales is cartoonishly evil..