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Desc:He'd rather get junk mail than an e-mail.
Category:Educational, Humor
Tags:mail, Andy Rooney, crazy useless old man
Submitted:CharlesSmith
Date:03/31/11
Views:1016
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this guy lays cinder blocks better than you do
Comment count is 18
CharlesSmith
What makes this for me is the 50's nostalgia slide show that runs while he talks about how everyone loves getting mail and how people used to write letters.
Jellyneck
Do you think in another 50 years when we are all getting senso-messages streamed directly into our neocortex there will be anyone out there standing up for e-mail?

Will you or I go on the general broadcast feeds and show ancient 720p archive footage of rows and rows of server racks, or the venerable bearded UNIX admin who worked so hard to deliver your e-mail?

No. That will never happen because nobody likes e-mail. Don't ask me why everyone is writing them if nobody likes to get them. I don't care.

Jellyneck
Oh, and the first sentence of his is pretty remarkable, for a couple of reasons.

"I got an email from a friend I'd never heard of the other day, suggesting that I do a story on the trouble that our US Postal Service is in"

CharlesSmith
In 50 years Andy Rooney will still be alive only technology will have progressed to the point where he's literally a giant human turkey.

Mostly Pi
We're all going to look like Andy Rooney in the future; hunched and shriveled, bodies ravaged by age, disuse and hot pockets, sitting in our little rooms, sending notice of our pissy emotional overreactions to minor shit out into the world in the form of dense clouds of information-rich nanomachines, instead of mashing our fat, stupid hands against keyboards.
---


Just imagine that last paragraph floating into your window, turning iridescent as the light from neon signs on the buildings outside filter through its gauzy impermanence. It floats toward you, reaching out with foggy tendrils, operating with an obvious desire to insinuate itself into your nervous system. It's 2050 and you're too old to run. Even if you could, where would you go? These stupid posts are everywhere, commingling above the streets and alleys in thick ropy clouds of glittering, useless opinions.

They're watching and waiting, these millions of ignorant thoughts, looking for a body to infest so they can be heard. So, I ask again, where can you go? Nowhere, you realize. You are trapped. Defeated, you slump down in your mesh-back chair and let it have its way.



Mostly Pi
Anyways, the point of that was to help illustrate Rooney's disgust, rage and barely concealed terror.

Oscar Wildcat
All kidding aside; there is one very good reason to keep the old post office around. The current Federal law requires a court order to open and read your private mail. OTOH, bulk reading and analysis of your electronic communications is now common practice thanks to the Patriot Act.

NOW GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!
MissLadyArtemis
I like this. This is a very powerful argument for all my paranoid wanna-be anarchist acquaintances.

Triggerbaby
Not a particularly inspiring speech for the Andy Rooney Game.
Robert DeNegro
Doesn't that Rooney realize that we're headed for Hell in a hand basket yet?
Cyberblah
Just cut off "at the post office."
Hooker
"I don't take suggestions gracefully."

What a miserable asshole.
eatenmyeyes
The Andy Rooney Game works really well with this clip.
Enjoy
I'm turning into Andy Rooney over text messages. Why do the youngsters use text messages rather than email? I hate text messages.
kingofthenothing
because nobody wants to spend time engaging in meaningful conversation these days.

kingofthenothing
He assumes freight trains have no charm. Oh, they do. Just ask hobos.
mashedtater
being the video editor for andy rooney must be the best job in the entire world.

because he will never die. he will live forever off of spite.
Jet Bin Fever
An email has all the charm of a... what? Huh?
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